17 January 2007

totes awards season: shocked, shocked!

Sorry for the delay. I slipped into a coma following the Golden Globes, which, to be fair, was the best sleep I've gotten in weeks.

I've always been kinda obnoxiously proud of being able to predict awards winners, even when I'm waaaaay off (see Brokeback, my dark-horse hopes for In the Bedroom a few years back). But when I'm pretty sure about who's going to win Best Actor in a miniseries, when Meryl Streep can see the winners coming even without her eyeglasses, it's cruel to expect anyone to stay up until the end without the aid of free booze. Unless, of course, you're watching just to see who dipped a little too deeply into the free booze (Tim Allen, please come back next year, and just wear a hip flask this time).

And yet, there were some highlights. We'll get to those first:

Good in a weird way: The Hollywood Foreign Press
I assume they look something like these guys. Kyra Sedgwick says they've always been sweet to her, but I prefer to assume they wear face masks.

Good in a please-be-my-mom way: Meryl Streep
Love. Her. So. Much. Today in my neighborhood I saw a woman who, I swear, looked exactly like Meryl Streep did in Devil Wears Prada. I was almost excited until I realized the woman was driving herself, she was in my neighborhood, and her character was, uh, fictional, and also kind of a bitch. Oh well.

Good in a British-accents-make-you-hotter way: Hugh Laurie
He announces that he has a great crew, but then again.... "Everyone says that, and they can't all be right. Somebody, somewhere out there is working with a crew of drunken thieves." And then he told them they smelled of freshly-mown grass. And then he thanks Robert Sean Leonard, for no apparent reason. In the time between when I started this post and now, Dick Clark productions removed the clip from YouTube. Assholes.

Good in a British-accents-make-you-hotter-especially-when-you're-used-to-hearing-a-fake-Kazakh-accent-way: Sacha Baron Cohen
Wait wait wait, let's see that in a close-up.
Yeah. As someone on the internets already put it, unexpectedly doable. And it's OK! Someone said he kinda sorta looks like my boyfriend, so I'm in the clear!

Good in an unendingly cute way: America Ferrera

The next step on my road to becoming that girl who talks about her boyfriend all the time: after the Globes my boyfriend, who went to theater camp with America Ferrera, tried to prove he was cool by showing that he was her facebook friend. Turns out, she's not. He's just a social climber. Still, America remains 100% adorbs. Let the "God Bless America" puns begin!

Adorable in a bitchy way: J-Huds
I kinda like that, even though she teared up during her speech, she was clearly expecting to win and had no time for anyone but herself. I kind of just wish she had said something like "I'm glad that you saw past the skinny and beautiful girls in this movie to the REAL talent." Something tells me this girl knows exactly what this has all done for her confidence. You sing it, girl!

Good in a fuck-you-Warren, I'll-drink-if-I-want way: Annette Bening
I can't find an actual screenshot of Annette Bening drinking champagne, which she was caught doing at least twice over the course of the ceremony, so I've got her smoking instead, which we all know is equally WRONG. But seriously: you sing it, girl. Can't let free champagne go to waste!

Good in a why-the-hell-not way: Sienna Miller's braid
Yup, that's right. I said it.

And now we have the bad.
Yeah, sorry, I got too bored thinking about the Golden Globes to think about what was actually objectionable about it. In the end, they were pretty much what they always are, a dog-and-pony, masturbatory show, where we stargaze and pretend to care about these peoples' movies. The only thing that I could consider bad is that people like me actually consider the Golden Globes interesting, but of course, I'm just here to make your brain rot as fast as mine does. You're not getting out of this without me!

Oh wait. One more objectionable thing:
You didn't actually think I'd let that pass without comment, did you?

You have no idea what this does for my self-confidence,


Justin said...

This is great! You are such a gay man (see: your comments about M. Streep). I love it!

Joe John said...

Is it weird that I feel strangely closer to you now that you're doing re-caps again? I mean, I feel like we're keeping in touch.