23 January 2007

totes awards season: the best pictures

You know you've finally found the right job when your boss shows up at your desk with three sheets of paper and gleefully announces "Oscar nominations! And no Dreamgirls!" and you reply "Already seen it. What about Children of Men, huh?"

So, yes. First of all let us all shed a single tear for our friends in Dreamgirls.

Better luck... uh... never, ladies.

As much as I legitimately enjoyed Dreamgirls, I kind of like the idea of giving a big "fuck you" to a mediocre movie that was clearly engineered as Oscar bait. The direction and acting and--oh!-- the costumes were all lovely, but the musical it was based on was fair to middling at best. I mean, come on, "Steppin' To The Bad Side?" That could never be a real song!

When it comes to everything else that got nominated for best picture instead of Dreamgirls (that would be The Queen, The Departed, Letters from Iwo Jima, Babel, and Little Miss Sunshine, for those of you who haven't been following this obsessively all day instead of working)...eh. My love for Children of Men, which is objectively the best movie I've seen in several years, overrides any affection I have for any of the actual nominees, though to be fair I've only seen Sunshine and The Queen among them. Still, when the Academy overlooks a good, commercial, awards-season legit blockbuster (it's been in the top 10 for the past few weeks), everything starts to look bleaker.
Clive Owen would save you too, if only you would ask!

I'm gonna say it right now, though-- even though it's one of the few Best Picture nominees I've seen, Little Miss Sunshine: not that great. Good, yes. Charming, yes. Enjoyable, of course. Full of talent, absolutely. But not a Best Picture, especially in a year full of Children of Men and Pan's Labyrinth and even Little Children, which I didn't even love. I know there have been years where the quirky little movies overcome emotional, epic powerhouses (though, to be fair, Shakespeare in Love had Tom Stoppard on its side), but this isn't going to be one of them. Unless Greg Kinnear is working overtime giving. blowjobs to the Academy, rule it out.

Which leaves us with The Queen, The Departed, Iwo Jima, and Babel (a.k.a. Crash 2: Semester Abroad!). Something tells me that no one really wants to see a war epic in Japanese, no matter how much they love Clint Eastwood, and The Queen was a wee bit too British and starched shirt and simple for the Academy, which loves nothing more than a good crying scene or an emotional montage scored by James Horner. When it comes to Marty vs. the Mexican, neither of whose movies I have seen, I can't really form an opinion, though if Babel is as depressing and The Departed as enjoyable as I've been made to believe, then go Boston mobsters!

In conclusion: get off the bus

Too quirky!
quit using the royal "we"
Too dowdy!
get the hell out of Japan
Too Axis of Evil-y!

leave Brad Pitt in America where he belongs
Too Brangelina-y!

and say hello to this man right here.
Just Jack!

Next time we do Best Director. Prepare to fall in love with a giant set of eyebrows!

Feeling kinda sorry for Beyonce for the first time ever,

1 comment:

Justin said...

I do feel a little bad for the girl (Beyoncé), but whatevs. You really do need to see The Departed. It has its flaws (umm....prostitute/coke scene, anyone?), but I really enjoyed it.