18 December 2006

an open letter to nbc

I'm going to complete my trilogy of NBC-related posts by re-posting an open letter I wrote to the network a week and a half ago:


I love you. You are my favorite network. Nobody does comedy like you do, and your Monday night is where it's at. You may be number three (unfortch trailed by the joke of a network The CW), but that's okay: I have a thing for the underdog! And you're moving on up! The only network to see substantial increases in viewership this season, you just beat out ABC for the 11th week ratings. You've also got the whole "country's oldest network" thing going for you.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH "IDENTITY"?!?!?!?!?! Bitchmothafuckagotdamn. I was almost okay with "Deal or No Deal". Granted, I closed my eyes and ears whenever the camera panned to the shaved Howie Mandel, but the metal briefcases are so rad! You hit it on the head with that one. I mean, who doesn't like a hott metal briefcase?
Why was 6 afraid of 7?

But now you're trading Howie for the even more suicide-inducing Penn Jillette, hoping you'll pick up on the previously untapped 50%-mute-"comedy"-magic-team-appreciating demographic? And you're replacing the rad briefcases with people and the cashmoney with quirky personal factoids? You insult my intelligence, NBC. This is the mentally-challenged, poor-man's "Deal" from Planet Weird. It's the same goddamn show! But worse. Heinously worse. Yes, I'm sure people will watch and–dare I say–enjoy "Identity", but that doesn't make it right. Bring back "Candid Camera" if you must. That was some funny shizz.

In sum: pleasepleaseplease stop being cheap and trying to meet your budget cuts via shitty game shows. You're hurting America. You're hurting me. You're helping Penn Jillette. And that ain't right.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

omg welcom back!
did you know that penn jillette is a libertarian? ewerz.