08 February 2006

oscar watch: early february edition

Well, it's February over here at Totes headquarters, and as we all know that means one very important thing: February is the month before March, which is Oscar month.

Things seem to have quieted down since the nominations went out last week, though I'm sure there are some right-wingers out there trying to figure out how to turn the Academy's nomination of two men playing gay roles into a left-wing conspiracy.

Just to keep you up to date, here's the latest from Google news on what's obviously the most important Oscar news to date.

Technically I'm a golden man, not a golden calf, so it's OK.

Samuel L. Jackson doesn't give a shit about the Oscars. He lets other people fill out his ballot for him! Meanwhile, head of the film department Jeanine Basinger has her ballot that she won't share with the rest of us. What better way to teach than to let America see what happens when pretentious college students get to run the Oscars?

Keira Knightley's naked ass gives her a better chance to win.
I'm not really sure how this works, unless there's a huge population of Academy voters who felt misled by her puffed-up bosom in "Pirates of the Caribbean" and now feel they've been given proof that Keira Knightley, indeed, has breasts. The nude photo shoot in question is the cover of this month's Vanity Fair, where she and Scarlett Johansson compete as to who has the most porcelain skin to show. I think Scarlett won.

Neither of us can legally drink, but posing nude is just fine!

A whole lot of Jews are nominated for Oscars. And they're even letting one host the ceremony! Has Hollywood finally accepted Jews? Will they be given a chance to run the media at long last?

At last, someone with the guts to say it: Brokeback Mountain will make you gay.

Expecting an Oscar nomination for Casanova? First, you're an idiot, and second, you could be a film critic.

Dukes of Hazzard was robbed,

1 comment:

mell said...

"Has Hollywood finally accepted Jews? Will they be given a chance to run the media at long last?"

God, I hope so! Don't worry, I'll employ you guys after World Wide Jewish Domination (WWJD)