09 February 2006

the fat lady hasn't sung yet: project runway episode 10

Well, the internet is ablaze about this most recent episode, mostly because there are legions of fag hags like me out there who will never love another man now that Nick has touched our lives. After the Red Lobster outings and the general insanity of the last episode, this one had to be a bit of a downer, though there are a few good things to take out of it. Mostly, all of the designers looked way hot in this episode, though Santino did look like he was gunning for a spot as an extra on "My Name is Earl." Anyway. Let's get to it.

We open with everyone mourning Andrae, which seems more genuine than any other episode's post-mortem. Santino has a conversation with himself about how much he misses Andrae, which either means he's truly lost it or his ego has grown so large that it can't be contained within one oversized personality. Either way, Santino's fighting for his "keep me in because I make good television" spot, and he's fighting hard.

Back to the runway. We say goodbye to Andrae's model, which post-"motherfuckin'-walkoff" is pretty much a formality at this point. Danyelle looks like she's being executed, and Daniel gives her a lovely yet somewhat condescending speech about how she's moving on to better things.
We're going to send you to a farm where you and the other models can graze on all the grass you want.

The models all mass together and hug her, which looks simultaneously comforting and bony as all hell. If they're not careful they're going to put an eye out.
OK, everyone, get in the phone booth and we'll set a record!

Heidi brings back the Big Bag o' Buttons from Season One to choose who will give whom a makeover. According to Tim Gunn this took about 8 tries, because Heidi kept getting to the last button and making it so one designer would be designing for him/herself. I have no idea why we didn't get to see that, other than maybe Seal threatens the editors if they make Heidi look dumb. Anyway. The matchups are as follows:

Nick designs for Daniel
Daniel designs for Chloe
Chloe designs for Nick
Santino and Kara design for each other

The designers go back to the workroom and start scheming for each other, throwing around wonderfully meaningless stereotype like "all-American" and "crunchy granola girl." As Santino describes Kara's personality, we see shots of her being crazy, and realize the girl is definitely growing on me. She's definitely picking up the slack Andrae left in the crazy facial expressions department:

And, not to be outdone, Nick pulls out a few of his own as well:

Even Chloe got in on the game:

The designers all kind of assess each other, with Santino calling Kara a "free spirit granola kind of hippie." Has Santino ever actually seen a hippie? I go to school with them. Kara is not one. I think he and Michael Kors should invest in a dictionary.

Because three of the designs are for men, we hear the word "menswear" for the first time since Emmett was eliminated. As boring as I thought he was, I do wish he'd been around for this, just because of his chance to school everyone else.

Commercial break. When we get back Daniel is grilling everyone on hard-hitting questions like "Would you rather make love or have sex?" When I've played this game it's been more along the lines of "Would you rather drink a cup of animal fat or cut off your own toe?" but I guess Daniel is kinder than my friends. Santino, predictably, turns the conversation to feces and himself, and all the designers bitch under their breath about how he's a drama queen. In the meantime, Santino appears to be dressed as Jesus:

Eat thy feces, child, and thou shalt find salvation.

Santino and Nick have a kind of showdown across the room with Santino repeating and mirroring everything Nick says. I imagine the showdown at the OK Corral looked something like this, but with, you know, guns:

Stick em up, pardner.

Nick pulls out his sassy voice with the retort "Something happened in your childhood, honey. I love you now, but something happened." This brings me back to my original assessment of Nick, the gay best friend who would forget to return your calls-- why bother telling Santino he loves him? Either he's lying for the hell of it, or they have a love that dare not speak its name, deep down there somewhere. I think we all know which result I'm hoping for.

Santino starts talking about all the adversity he faced growing up in Missouri, which makes the second episode in a row when a designer has started bitching about his childhood. Cry and cut, bitches. Cry and cut.

Tim shows up. Tim leaves. Yawn. Without Timpressions my interest in waning.

Santino trying on the pants Kara made him: "Are these space pants? 'Cause my ass is out of this world." With lines like that, if Santino isn't single, I'm crying foul.

Who would get more joy out of examining his own ass?

Santino continues bitching and insulting others, telling Kara to hurry up and telling Nick the T-shirt ready line, "You can't polish a turd." Everyone gets upset as if this is the first time Santino is being obnoxious, but I imagine this is has happened many times before and we only now get to see it. Damn producers, playing with our heads. I mean, look how menacing Santino looks here:
If I have to eat people, I'll eat people!

On the walk home, we have our five designers strolling... and middle-aged tourists?
This is even better than standing outside the Today show!

The boys of 35D bitch at Santino for a little bit, and I think we all send out a silent prayer for Andrae to come back and stop the madness. Too late. The cattiness has been let out of the bag.

Commercial break. When we get back, for some reason Daniel V looks incredibly hot. I've never been a huge DV fan, but I'm finally starting to see the appeal:

When his 20% straight kicks in, I'll be around.

A guy named Collier Strong shows up to consult them on their makeup for the runway show, and he may or may not be FourFour's hot makeup guy-- I'm bad at these things. Anyway, each of them gets a fashion consultation. He basically strokes the designers' egos as much as possible, but Santino in particular.

"You have an incredible jawline. You have magnificent skin."

Comparing Santino to Brad Pitt? Seriously?

Back in the workroom Santino is continuing to talk about polishing a turd, which makes about the 10th scatological reference of this episode, and we're not even to the runway show yet. Kara and Nick gossip about Santino at the sewing machines, where Nick calls him "the most egotistical man I've ever met" and Kara adds "You have to take that man with a bit of exaggeration and a huge grain of salt, you know what I mean?" Come again?

According to Santino, Nick is giving him the silent treatment, and I've never seen anyone so icily iron a suit:

Pretend the suit is your face! Or something...

Commercial. Tim comes back and tells Nick his suit for Daniel is "too feminine," which is absolutely impossible to tell over television and therefore we just have to take his word for it. Chloe's suit for Nick, on the other hand, makes him look like some kind of gay gangster pimp, while Nick thinks he looks like the "senior flight attendant for British Airways." In the meantime he says the only option to make his suit look manlier is to tell Daniel to "butch it up" on the runway. Wait, butch? When was the last time anyone on this show even knew what butch meant?

Back at home, Nick and Daniel are being happy in the other room while Santino sulks in bed.

The loneliest number...

Santino continues to insist that "it's just jealousy," and even I, a sometimes-Santino-fan all along, am starting to think it's actually hatred. Ouch.

Back at Parsons, the designers are simultaneously getting their hair and makeup done and finishing their garments, which doubles the usual mayhem right before the runway. Still, all the designers are looking smoking hot:

(Does Daniel seem like he's channeling Austin? Just a little bit?)
Well, Nick will look hot after he's done shaving, I promise.

Meanwhile, Santino is literally gluing Kara into her outfit, and after she flips out over his makeover, they turn cold to each other again:


Oh, fashion design, you're so fickle. Daniel and Nick report that the outfit isnt finished, and Santino is bullying Kara, telling her she can't move or the outfit will fall apart. And then, runway! Commercial!

Back from commercial, and surprise! They've all been eliminated!

J/K J/K! It is really awkward, though, because Heidi has to give the usual spiel to Nina, MK and guest judge whose name is not important. The three of them, of course, couldn't care less. So lets get to it.

I'm not sure why immunity didn't make everything boring last season, but Daniel's immunity this time around just sucked the drama out. The design wasn't great, but not awful, though the seams were unfinished. Heidi said she "HATES IT," while Michael Kors pulls out "It looks kind of 80's bitchy Knotts Landing." MK, that's the second time you've used the phrase "80's bitch" where it doesn't belong. Three strikes you're out, Buster.

I have no words for how much I hated these pants. Girls wore plaid pants in 8th grade when they wanted to be hip grungers. Sometimes my grandfather wore plaid pants. No one else should. The outfit does fit Santino, I guess, but God. I'm really starting to love Kara, but I'm still not sold on her design. The judges, however, loved it. They thought it brought out the softer side of Santino, which I guess in this world means the gay side. Of course.

I also have no words for how much I hated this jumpsuit. It seems like Kara and Santino were trying to punish each other or something. Santino actually lies about the garment, saying Kara was jumping around backstage when in reality she couldn't even move. Not only was the jumpsuit fugly, but the design and Santino's behavior were fugly as well. Unfortunately Guest Judge liked the jumpsuit, with the statement "It's something different. Why not?" Now there's a fashion philosophy if I ever heard one. Ugh. I hated this.

Chloe-- winner
Chloe really was the only deserving winner of this bunch-- Nick looked absolutely amazing. I approve of using pink whenever possible. MK says he wouldn't wear pink on the back of his vest, which I think must be a damn line. Otherwise, top notch. Go Chloe.

Nick-- out
Michael Kors called this a "Golden Girls jacket" and "pants Friar Tuck would wear," which officially ends my ability to tolerated MK's pop culture references. The basic verdict for this, like the flower dress, is it wasn't that bad. Whatever, men don't need pockets. DV looked hot. Nick's elimination on this confused me, because Zulema got eliminated for an unfinished dress (Santino's sleeves were falling off) and not fitting her model (Kara's jumpsuit was bunchy), but Nick got eliminated for using the wrong kind of fabric? Bah, Heidi Klum, bah.

Nick says goodbye to everyone as Santino sulks in a corner, either because he knows he should have been eliminated or wonders why everyone isn't paying attention to him. Tim comes to usher Nick away and actually looks heartbroken that he's leaving. Over all of this Nick gives the best farewell speech yet, talking about how "the fat lady hasn't sung yet" and he hopes his parents are watching the show and turning to each other and saying "We did a good job. That's a good boy." Nick sheds a tear, and we all shed a tear with him.

If you start crying we'll all start crying!

In the end, it honestly made me really sad to see these designers resorting to Season One-style exiling of one designer. Santino may have been a dick all along, but it was nice to see attempts at solidarity and friendship among them. Sadder still, though, is seeing Nick go. I'm not sure that any other designer had so many fans, me among them, and with him and Andrae gone we'll have a severe lack of one-liners, not to mention wit, charm, and heart.

So, goodbye Nick. When we found out you were eliminated, it was really like the record was skippin'.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Next week: the designers make an evening gown for a (unnamed) celebrity, and Austin, Jay and Kara Saun show up! Jay to Santino: "I hope you get canned." I'll be watching just for that.

Wishing Michael Kors had seen more Golden Girls reruns,



Anonymous said...

In his Totes an Interview, Nick talked about how he eventually came to understand that the show was going to be based on reality-TV considerations and not actually on who's-the-best-designer considerations. Can we now all agree that he was referring very, very specifically to this episode's handling of Santino? Nick got robbed and everybody knows it. This episode got me very worked up.


Anonymous said...

I wanted Kara to be eliminated SOOOO MUCH, i hated Santino's retaahhhded outfit. and she has yet to make one good outfit besides the flower thing, she is just flying under the radar to the final four! WTF! Also, this is just showing how much of a dork I am, but Santino said he wanted "madras" pants and red plaid is not madras! madras is different plaids all patched together!! J crew made every damn item out of madras this year!

I miss nick, but I have a dirty secret love for Santino too.

- kwalsh

katie b said...

katey, welcome to the daniel v's cheekbones fanclub. the bonus video of him smacking his own butt in nick's koala bear tighty whiteys is just icing on the cake.

did i tell you my daniel v + austin scarlett = andreas theory? my entire life is suffering from a project runway complex.

katie b said...

p.s. at 11:15pm i called my mom from the gatekeeper shuttle and she answered the phone "I AM IN MOURNING." she speaks for the heart of the world.

Justin said...

Re: Nat's comment. Has anyone ever read the disclaimer at the end of each show? This episode is what it's for, and it makes me hate NBC Universal and reality TV in gen.

Jennie said...

We read it as a family, as usual, & we love your humor & especially the great captions.

Andrea said...

Gall dernit, I can't get the DVR thing to work. How do you get the screen caps thing to happen?

Andrea said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Laura K said...

Thanks for another great recap, Katey!

Liz T said...

Wait--I'm not allowed to wear my plaid pants anymore? I got complimented on them as recently as October.

Liz T said...

Also: there's a Gatekeeper shuttle now???

The Scarlett said...

Love the screen caps as aways. Well done!

Anonymous said...

Actually, madras is a type of fabric - plain weave, thin cotton. It can be plain (solid) or plaid.

I liked Kara's outfit for Santino. It was different yet fit his personality. Nick looked great in Chloe's outfit! He really knew how to work it on the runway, didn't he? All of the other garments? Blech. And a double-blech to Chloe's hair and makeup.

Frankly, I have been so disappointed in the clothes this season. So many of the challenges were stupid - can't they come up with anything better?