03 January 2006

well, i'm so sc

So I made some promises a while back, when blogging seemed fresh and new and the idea of doing anything other than finals sounded entertaining. Then came the holidays. After a little overeating and family bonding, I'm back and ready to bring you what I promised so long ago: Project Runway.

Luckily last week was a re-run, so I'm not as far behind. I see no reason to recap episodes over 2 weeks old, but with the screenshots from older episodes, I'll give you everything you need to know before tomorrow's episode, where they design for a socialite who some bloggers think might be Nicky Hilton. I'll admit, I did freeze-frame the DVR after the most recent episode, and I'm pretty sure the socialite has dark hair. I'll settle for Nicky.

Anyway. Project Runway, for the tragically uninformed, is the Emmy-nominated, premier reality series focusing on fashion designers, “Project Runway.” The premiere episode of the thirteen, one-hour episode run, will pit sixteen designers against one another on the Road to the Runway. These contestants will compete in weekly design challenges at Parsons The New School For Design in New York City, until only three remain and face off once again at New York Fashion Week in February. As anyone who watches Top Model would know, this basically means lots of catfights between people with scissors and yards of chiffon.

I'm not counting the first pre-episode, with Heidi and John, mostly because I didn't see it-- sorry. So there have been three challenges-- making an outfit out of the clothes on your back, designing a dress for the My Scene Barbie, and working with a team of three to design lingerie. Chloe won the first challenge, Nick won the second, and Daniel V's team of Andrae and Zulema won the third.

Unlike last season, which produced the doll-faced and completely admirable Austin Scarlett, this season has managed to select 16 entirely unlikeable people. With a few possible exceptions, which we'll get into later, here's the collection of idiots, succubi, egomaniacs and general assholes:


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The villain of all villains. I mean, just look at him. He's like Christopher Walken before anyone cast him as a father-- 100% sketch. Add his looks to the fact that he's unabashedly arrogant and mean to the other contestants, and you've got the best bitch this side of Jayla. For some reason, though, I like him. On the most recent episode, the lingerie challenge, Santino got in a fight with the judges on the runway and was in the final two for elimination. I was the only one who called it that he wouldn't get the boot (that honor, sadly, went to the adorable Daniel Franco), because, well, he makes great television. Keep it coming, 'Tino. You make this show great.

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The strongest competitor against Santino for Drama Queen. If you have seen a single promo for this show you have seen Andrae break down in tears on the runway, for reasons that, after about 4 viewings of that episode, still aren't really clear to me.

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Unfortunately he hasn't done much of interest since his little breakdown, probably because he knows that judge Nina Garcia will beat his ass if he cries like a girl again. Still, I like to think of him as a time bomb-- it's only a matter of time before we again get to see him crying-while-running on the runway.
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Speaking of time bombs, she's definitely on the verge of full-out Cruise-azy. She got in a fight with Guadalupe, telling her they couldn't live together anymore because of "your nervous tension."

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Of course, this is coming from the woman who is rubbing her temples or sighing in practically every shot, spent an entire episode yelling at Daniel Franco and wasted an hour of work time going back to Toys R Us to retrieve a Barbie doll hat. Look how sad and alone she looks here.

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Just like her fragile, fragile soul. I hope she eventually flips out in proper style (not the "We didn't have time to finish!" they kept showing in the promos, but serious postal-worker nuts) and then they send her home for being hysterical. I mean, what are women doing in fashion design anyway?

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A.k.a., the only person on this show I like, mostly because he keeps saying things like "I can't believe this bitch did this" and, in reference to a shocking announcement in episode 1, "It was like the record was skippin'!" With an appropriate facial expression to boot:

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He's like the gay best friend you theoretically wish you had but in real life would call you fat and forget to call you back. Still, kid's got talent, and he managed to win the inane "My Scene Barbie" challenge by designing a combination between J. Lo's Grammy dress and an old Cher gypsy outfit. Trust me, this really was the best design. The guy who got eliminated actually used burlap.

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Probably the most consistently talented of the whole bunch. Her designs have always been gorgeous (like this one that won the first real challenge)

even though her model looks just like Michael J. Fox dressed up as his daughter in Back to the Future 2. Go look for yourself and tell me I'm wrong. I dare you.

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Along with Emmett, is known primarily for her inability to sew. Call me crazy, but how the hell did she get on this show not knowing how to sew? Does this mean I have a shot? I'm guessing they cast her as the token old-woman-Wendy-Pepper slot, but thus far she's proven herself to be mostly uninteresting if not stupid. Time shall tell.

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Along with Marla, is known primarily for his inability to sew and stunning lack of personality. Even when he worked with Santino on the lingerie challenge and actually made Santino cry, he still remained profoundly uninteresting. It's not like with other people, like Daniel V and Diana, who don't really seem to have been given a chance to show their personality; Emmett seems to just be naturally boring. I guess not everyone can be Santino or Andrae, but seriously, you're gonna get too boring to watch really soon.

And now, the people I have yet to be able to pass judgment on, probably because they're functional human beings.

Daniel V
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His design won the lingerie challenge, deservedly, but otherwise he hasn't done much

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Joe John, I know you love her, but she hasn't done much for me. Though the "bondage-inspired" lingerie design was a bit of a shocker.

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Despite Kara's accusation of "nervous tension" and that bit where she went around and critiqued everyone else's designs, she hasn't been up to much. Though during the first episode I didn't know for a while if she was male or female. Can we get some Coryn-style background drama here?

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For a while I had her pegged as the new Kara Saun, but after the short dress debacle she definitely doesn't have the same talent. Previews show her yelling at someone about forms, whatever that means, but for now, I'm holding off my judgment.

And now, the eliminated.

Kirsten: Bad design, bland personality. Good riddance.
Raymundo: Bad design (hello, burlap!), god-awful hair. Extra good riddance.
Daniel Franco: Sigh. I think Daniel Franco is adorable, if not a little off, and was sad to see him go, even though his lingerie was truly horrendous.

And that's it. Wow. Tune in tomorrow night at 10 p.m. on Bravo to find out who this mysterious socialite is and, I believe, finally hear Andrae shout "Where the hell is my chiffon?!" Because, aren't we all asking ourselves that very question?

Not aesthetically pleasing,



Anonymous said...

I miss Austin Scarlett every day of my life. He was my muse.


Justin said...

Austin is the number one guy I'd go gay for. Emmett is number two...even though he's old and boring and can't sew. I like fixer-uppers. And girls! shit.

mell said...

"He's like the gay best friend you theoretically wish you had but in real life would call you fat and forget to call you back." hee! I miss Austin, of course, but I find myself missing Jay too! He provided this great commentary and produced some of the best quotes. Like when he went Jesus-y for the silent auction and he says the whole thing about how Jesus is a little intimidating and he should have dressed as an apostle.