11 January 2006

wake me out of my nap

Yawn. That's pretty much all I have to say after tonight's installation of Project Runway. All the designers were, at best, in usual form-- Santino being arrogant, Kara being pathetic, Zulema being domineering, Marla being worthless, Nick being perfect, etc. etc. There were some highlights, though, and who would I be if I didn't bring them to you? The DVR is still out of commission (that's for next week, my dears), so Totes a la Google image search continues. Let's begin.

Santino and Zulema begin by confessionalizing about how amazing they are, Santino more so, of course. He's wearing this hoodie with the hood practically covering his eyes, which I can't decide if it's an improvement over the checkered hat/regular Santino or not. He looks basically like an old Catholic monk, particularly the guy on the right:

They go to the runway, Heidi brings out the models in black slips, which suddenly strikes me as demeaning and slightly slave trader-ish. Anyway, there's absolutely no suspense in this part, since no one has ever gone with a different model. That and I don't care about the models at all, except to find out if maybe Chloe's model is a man.

They meet with the Banana Republic woman who tells them they're designing to help bring the Banana Republic woman "from day into night"-- because apparently until this point she's been stuck in some midnight-sun hell. I was kind of looking forward to this challenge, though, because the first episode of Proj.Run. Season 1 I ever saw was when Star, the most pathetic excuse for a human until Kara came along, designed by far the ugliest dress in the world and claimed it was exactly what Banana Republic would want. I want more delusional people. Instead, I got calm. Calm!

The designers had to choose partners by standing next to them, which struck me as the most awkward and sixth-grade way to do anything. They broke down the social dynamics of choosing teams by showing us the designers moving with certain people highlighted in color. It looked a lot like Pleasantville and was about as interesting as if they had jammed a scene from Pleasantville in the middle of everything.

Imagine Tobey is Santino and that colored girl in the background... oh, never mind.

The teams wound up being thus: Kara/Zulema, Chloe/Emmett, Diana/Marla, Andrae/Daniel V and Santino/Nick. These pairings did essentially all the work for the judges, since Diana and Marla are absolutely the most dispensible designers, no one in their right mind would get rid of Santino, Nick, Chloe or Andrae, and we've seen Zulema in about a million promos asking for a walk-off between models that obviously happens in a future episode. But don't let me ruin the surprise for you or anything.

They start designing. Choice quotes include Zulema's non-sequitur "I can't deal with a room full of navy" and Santino claiming he can see the future-- of Banana Republic. Next thing you know he'll be palling around with Anne Heche's alien alter-ego and then things will finally get interesting. Tim Gunn shows up and actually smiles at Andrae and Daniel V., which is the first time I've seen the man express an emotion other than schadenfreude and queeny disgust. He returns to his normal self shortly and hates on Kara and Zulema, which sends Kara into a crying jag that lasts literally the rest of the episode. I am truly starting to hate her. When they leave for the night Kara is still weeping and Santino shouts "Tresemme, here I come!" Now, this makes absolutely no sense-- is Santino secretly getting makeovers?-- but it would explain the Beast-after-a-makeover look he was sporting a few episodes back:

Kill the beast!

Day of the runway. I'm all ready to get the runway show done with and have this boring, boring episode done with, but no, there's another part of the challenge-- they have to design a shop window to demonstrate their design. Because I was in New York while this show was being shot, I immediately kicked myself for not being there-- a chance to stick it to Kara? The opportunities! Instead I had to watch from home as each of the designers proved that being good with fabric does not an interior designer make. The designs ranged from the boring (crumpled paper all over the floor? Shame, Diana and Marla!) to the ridiculous (your model painting on brown paper? What the hell, Santino and Nick?). This is the closest I could come up with for a visual of the horror that was their window:

Yes. It really was that bad.

The other windows were... eh, reasonable. And as we all know, on this show, reasonable is bad!

And finally... the judging. Luckily Michael Kors was in fine bitchy form, so I didn't actually fall asleep, as I was afraid I might. Here are the designs:

Daniel V. and Andrae

I actually thought the dress was a little too slinky to get away with at work, but small details. Everyone loved it, even Mr. Kors, who came up with the gushing compliment "It's cute. It's very cute." Don't get all excited, MK, we might not think you're being sincere. Daniel and Andrae won by being normal human beings, again. If Andrae wasn't still bugging his eyes out at every given chance I would be bored with him by now.

Santino and Nick
What you can't see in this photo is what made the outfit ridiculous to begin with-- this weird black Mr. Miagi-at-the-dojo kimono thing that draped on her like, well, a karate uniform. Nina Garcia said "I don't really think this looks elegant," and she hit it right-on. Of course, in response to criticism, the always-gracious Santino said "I know lots of women who know Banana Republic but don't know Michael Kors." I really, really want to see the two of them in a catfight before this is all over.

Chloe and Emmett
That weird splotch of silver on her right arm is actually the other side of the jacket, which is reversible to go from day to night. Now, maybe it's just me, but didn't shiny silver shrugs go out in the 80's? Otherwise the outfit is fine, although the racing stripes on the back are a touch bizarre. Shiny jackets and racing stripes? We are but a few steps from NASCAR, ladies and genetlemen, and that frightens me.

Kara and Zulema
And now we come to my favorite Michael Kors quote of the night: "What's with the 80's power-bitch jacket?" I'm seeing more of a dykes-on-bikes jacket myself, but to each his own. For the unmitigated disaster they were playing this out to be, this isn't that bad, though I can't see that dress at Banana Republic, ever. Yes, I am a Banana Republic woman, and that whole time of being stuck in daytime really sucked, let me tell you.

Diana and Marla
Ahh... the sacrificial lambs. Eliminating these two was just too easy, even though their design, at least on the Guadalupe-weighted scale of horrendous, really wasn't that bad. With the jacket on, though, Michael Kors said it-- "She looks like a stewardess. I'm waiting for her to serve me Coke" and "Wake me from my nap." Goodbye, Diana and Marla. We hardly knew ye, but then again, I don't think it really would have made a difference if we had.

I'll admit, as soon as I saw who was eliminated I changed the channel to catch the documentary I spent the summer working on airing on Discovery Times (hollaback, Yearbook:1983!) so I missed the upcoming scenes. But I assume they'll offer us more bitching and grandstanding, especially since we're winnowing out the boring ones (Emmett, your number is up!) and leaving us with 100% queens, whiners, and 80's powerbitches. Rock on.

Lighten up! This is fashion!



katie b said...

the real winner this week, as always: daniel v's bone structure. FOR DAYS, THOSE CHEEKBONES.

Katey said...

To quote a commentor on the four four blog, re: Daniel V, "That boy has not seen a vagina since he burst through one." I guess we can all dream, though.

SMM said...


Holy shit, Santino got served.

Joe John said...

Katey, I love your re-caps. Like, love love.

Whatever...I'm pissed that Diana is gone. marla and Emmett should have worked together. He's the next one to go. So predictable it seriously hurts my face. That and someone showed me a screen cap of the cast that he's not in.

It's really hard for me to pick a new favorite now that Daniel Franco and Diana Eng have left us. I think I'm left choosing the obvious- Nick. Now I'm just like everyone else...which is so boring. Maybe I'll start campaigning for Zulema or something. I just want Daniel Franco's sweet face back on the show. I miss his artistic vision!

katie b said...

four four is just jealous of the bangs, ironic watches and lifetime of competitive gymnastics.

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