29 December 2006

she's slipping under

This can't bode well for Brit-brit. While many fans are eagerly naively awaiting her comeback, some of her fans are jumping ship. Today Ruben Gray, the keeper of one of the most popular Brit fansites on the web WorldOfBritney.com, announced that he's calling it quits.
The beginning of the end

Gray explains, "I think that WoB has had its run... its feet are not holding firm anymore, not because of my ability to run it, but because I believe Britney is unfortunately done." Way harsh, Gray. I hope Miss Spears didn't waste a Christmas card on your ass.

She's toxic,
Justin

totes artist of the week: yo majesty

This begins a series of weekly posts that I will hopefully manage to keep up with. If you haven't heard of them yet, I introduce you to Yo Majesty-- three female rappers from Tampa bringing new life to the Miami bass sound popularized by 2 Live Crew in the late 1980s. (read more)DOWNLOADS
Club Action
It's a Warning
Club Action (techno mash-up)

The latter track is a Moneyshot/Totes exclusive, courtesy of David Alexander of hardfeelingsuk/freeform disco 1. I created this series to bring you tunes with optional word vomit. My intention is not to post obscure, elitist songs, but to introduce you to some fun tunes available as legal downloads on the internetzzz. I hope you enjoy.

Coirvoisier where art thou?,
Joe John

28 December 2006

remake alert!

Wow. I can't wait for this one. It'll be the biggest hit since The Dukes of Hazard! The Hollywood Reporter reports (ha) that Jessica Simpson and Willie Nelson are set to begin work on a remake of Working Girl, originally starring Harrison Ford and Sigourney Weaver.
Totally 80s!

Hmm....I wonder who would produce such a sure hit. What's that you say? Joe Simpson is a producer? That's unbelievable. That's cute that he and his dumb-slut daughter will be working together. Father-daughter time is always such a treat. Obviously, I'll be first in line to see this one. And I can't wait to start 2008 Oscar Buzz.

Working for the weekend,
Justin

27 December 2006

stop the crocs

I don't think that there's any fashion choice I hate more than a pair of Crocs.
Just fug

Actually, I take that back. The biggest fashion faux-pas is sticking little jewels in your Crocs. You know you've seen them: little flowers, ladybugs, and smiley faces sticking out of Croc-holes.
This makes me die inside

Well, I just thought that I'd inform you that the Crocs company bought Jibbitz, the company that makes those horrible Croc jewels, for $10 million. Yup, $10 million. Oh, and if Jibbitz makes their sales forecast for the year? They'll get $10 million more. This is a sick world we live in, y'all.

Rockin' out with my croc out,
Justin

harry potter flick pix

Welcome back to the interweb, me! Thanks.
Ok, Harry Potter fans, here are some great hi-res pics from the upcoming movie Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Yah, this is the one where Harry's a little bitch.
My how you've grown

The site's in Russian (question mark), so I have no idea what anything says, but I'm pretty sure it's talking about this film may not be suitable for children under 13. Watch out, Focus on the Family!

You're a hairy wizard,
Justin

26 December 2006

i h8 comcast

My internet has been out for three days. This is totes un-comcastic. Now I have to blog from work.


I'll be back as soon as this silly technician figures out that they put an indoor cable outside of our house.

Lovez,
Justin

24 December 2006

let [god] entertain you

Slow entertainment news day or does Google really, really like Christmas pagents?


Not that sitting in a hard pew and staring at the back of the-dude-in-front-of-me's head isn't enthralling and all, but...

God bless ye,
Justin

that's sir bono to you. well, not really.

In case you didn't catch this, Bono is going to be knighted! Well, kinda. Since he's not an Englishman, he'll only become and honorary sir.
Transition via pix!

Obviously, this is a step down after being last year's Time Man of the Year, but whatever. I'm sure he'll show up to the knighting and crap, because he's classy like that. It'll take place sometime after the New Year, and I bet there'll be cheese cubes and cocktail hot dogs for all! He's getting the honor for his music and humanitarian work (e.g. red iPod).

In case you're interested, here's a list of honorary knights. Highlights? Bill Gates, Placido Domingo, Rudolf Giuliani, Steven Spielberg and Simon Wiesenthal.

I wonder if he'll get honorary armor to go with his title,
Justin

oprah finally settles down?

Here's some news to warm you this Christmas Eve: Stedman is moving in with Oprah! It's about time considering they've been dating for...oh....20 effing years! By the time they get married, this man will be out of jail.
I know what you're thinking: tossing salads.

The two will most likely move into the $6 million home that Oprah just bought in Chi-town. But all I can think is POOR GAYLE! Oprah's long time bestie and sleep-over pal will be kicked to the curb because of Steds. I'm sure her nights will be much colder from now own. At least $6 million usually gets you a guest room or two. Hopefully slumber parties will be in order. You know, for old time's sake.

We can take it slow, slow,
Justin

i'm bringing lindsay back

Now that Justin has brought Totes back like that other Justin brought sexy back, it's time for me to briefly hop in with the feel-good anthem of the winter season.  Justin suggested that I revamp my seasonal playlists, but for lack of time and lack of computer with any good music...this will have to do.  Just put this song on repeat.  Call it a playlist.  Genius!
Daughters to father
 
Remember when Lindsay used to be small and innocent?  I know it's tough, but think pre-boobage.  Back when she was "being a star" alongside Tyra Banks in 2000's entirely underrated Life-Size.  Basically, when Disney still OWNED her ass.  Well, those days are gone.

But you already knew that.  Long ago, Totes brought you a song called "Big Ass Titties" by Jhae f/ Bumba.  In the history of Lindsay**, this marks the beginning of the so-called Hohan Period (ca. 2005-present), marked by bed-hopping tabloid reports, drug-use accusations, fluctuating weight, and last but not least...partying minus the panties.  

I am late in posting this song, as it is old news to the greater blog world...but for those of you who haven't heard this...well, I think it speaks for itself.

DOWNLOAD:  SPANK ROCK / PASE ROCK- Lindsay Lohan's Revenge

Word from the artist is that Lindsay has heard this song:  "we leaked the song last week on these internets to kind of kick off the tour, and most people know the song or have heard about it... sooo the fact that she was at this party was icing on the cake perfect."

Don't say I didn't give you anything for Christmas.  If time permits, I will bring in 2007 with a playlist.

Stains on your dress and you wear it so well,
Joe John

** Pray that this will be offered as a college course some day.  Pray.

you're a jew, harry

Ok, I promise this will be my last Jew-related post for a while, but ironically today was the day I came across an interview where Daniel Radcliffe, star of the Harry Potter movies (duh!), comes out as a Jew. Although he he claims that he's not very religious, his mother is Jewish!

And I thought he was supposed to be a Christ figure! Wait! Jesus was a Jew. Phewph.

So much for Christmas at Hogwarts,
Justin

23 December 2006

while we open gifts, jews party!

Last night was the last night of Chanukah (right?), so now it's officially Christmastime! I'm going to continue my Jewish Christmas series by posting last year's SNL animated short: "Christmastime for the Jews"

I'm still amazed at how well done this is, so I won't be snarky.

10:30 bedtime,
Justin

christmas for the jews

Jews, we Christmas-celebrators know that December 25th is a rough day for you. Everything's closed, most of America spends the day opening presents (you don't), and the highlight is a pint of egg drop soup and a matinée. Well, children of YHWH, now there's something for you! American Apparel has a special offer just for G-d's chosen people. Take this quiz to prove that you're a Jew, and you'll receive a coupon for 25% off online purchases of $75 or more through December 26th!

So get your Jew on! Next Saturday I want to see everyone in the synagogue rockin' gold metallic hot shorts. Don't disappoint!

Nes gadol haya sham,
Justin

21 December 2006

the beginning of the end

OMG! OMG!!!!!!!! J.K. Rowling released the title of the 7th book today...of course, it wasn't without some hard work on my part (jk. [rowling]! I cheated.)
Watch where you're pointing that thing!

Anyway, she released the title via a hidden game of Hangman on her site, JKRowling.com. You can find instructions on how to cheat your way through to the game here (scroll to the bottom of the article).

Or I could just tell you what the title is. Okay, I will! ::giggle:: It'll be called Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The last word in the title, not to be confused with "gallows" means "n. a saint or holy person" (dictionary widget, what, what!). What will this book be about? When will this book come out? We'll just have to wait and see...or kidnap Rowling! Who's with me?! Kfine.

I'm spending my Christmas playing Wizard Chess,
Justin

searching the world over

What have you googled this year? Take a moment to think. Now check out the Google Zeitgeist (x-lation: "spirit of the times") Top Searches in 2006. Click on the different tabs to see searches in different categories. And graphs!

Of course, after reading these lists you may feel a little sad. What kind of world do we live in when these are the top four Google News searches?
  1. Paris Hilton
  2. Orlando Bloom
  3. cancer (ok, I'll give you this one, world searchers)
  4. Podcasting
Oh, and have you ever googled "Google"? So meta.

Searchin' to destroy,
Justin

20 December 2006

a very sufjan christmas

Tired of Christmas already? Well, so is Sufjan! And now you can commiserate together, because Sufjan's That Was The Worst Christmas Ever!, a track from his holiday box set, is available as the free download this week on iTunes.

Yah, that's right: SINGALONG

If you even remotely like Christmas music and remotely like Sufjan, buy his Songs for Christmas box set. It's amazing. You won't be sorry. Not even a little.

Boogeying to the elf dance,
Justin

19 December 2006

america's next top seventeen cover

I'm still on the fence about this past season of ANTM, but whether or not Tyra's craziness has finally ruined the show, CariDee is pretty goshdarn hott. Check out here Seventeen Mag cover:


CariDee-licious!

Click here for a hi-res version. What did you think of the season? Was I the only one who lost interest half way through?

Can't wait to read how to get my ex back,
Justin

half-priced haircut?

I'm going to continue my theme of celeb hair cuts:
Oh, Selma

This is simply tragic. I really don't know what else to say. I'm going to give Miss Blair the benefit of the doubt and assume that her hair dresser has cerebral palsy. Maybe it was 1/2 price?

Why should I care if I have to cut my hair,
Justin

18 December 2006

sing with justin

Think you've got the voice of an angel? Do you dream of kicking Cammy to the curb and grabbing yourself a big handful of Justin? Like the Grammys?

Well, here's your chance to sing at the Grammys. With Justin Timerlake. On TV!!!!!!! Yahoo Music is sponsoring the contest.

Sing with me!

Oh, and the best part? THE SUBMISSION ARE POSTED ONLINE! For everyone (even you!) to see. Yup, it's like the American Idol casting specials....but it's not. Click here to view the submissions or to submit your own (donchuwanna?)

If I wrote you a symphony,
Justin

got his hair did

Thanks to avid reader Janie for alerting me to this. Guess who obviously just got back from Japan:
From Justin to whaaa?

Maybe he and his newly straightened locks with have a comeback? From Justin to Kelly II: Have You Lost Weight? No, I Ditched the Fro: Straight to DVD Spring 2007.

I'm gonna wish upon a star,
Justin

hollywood slump

Remember "Brokeback to the Future"? This morning, Giant Magazine released it's list of the 10 Best Fake Movie Trailers of the Year. My favorites:

Number 3: "Ten Things I Hate About Commandments"

I always thought the Bible could use a little more Beyoncé.

Number 2: "Shining"

Proof that sometimes trailers have little to do with the actual movie.

See the complete list here.

I'll butter your popcorn,
Justin

an open letter to nbc

I'm going to complete my trilogy of NBC-related posts by re-posting an open letter I wrote to the network a week and a half ago:

NBC,

I love you. You are my favorite network. Nobody does comedy like you do, and your Monday night is where it's at. You may be number three (unfortch trailed by the joke of a network The CW), but that's okay: I have a thing for the underdog! And you're moving on up! The only network to see substantial increases in viewership this season, you just beat out ABC for the 11th week ratings. You've also got the whole "country's oldest network" thing going for you.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH "IDENTITY"?!?!?!?!?! Bitchmothafuckagotdamn. I was almost okay with "Deal or No Deal". Granted, I closed my eyes and ears whenever the camera panned to the shaved Howie Mandel, but the metal briefcases are so rad! You hit it on the head with that one. I mean, who doesn't like a hott metal briefcase?
Why was 6 afraid of 7?


But now you're trading Howie for the even more suicide-inducing Penn Jillette, hoping you'll pick up on the previously untapped 50%-mute-"comedy"-magic-team-appreciating demographic? And you're replacing the rad briefcases with people and the cashmoney with quirky personal factoids? You insult my intelligence, NBC. This is the mentally-challenged, poor-man's "Deal" from Planet Weird. It's the same goddamn show! But worse. Heinously worse. Yes, I'm sure people will watch and–dare I say–enjoy "Identity", but that doesn't make it right. Bring back "Candid Camera" if you must. That was some funny shizz.

In sum: pleasepleaseplease stop being cheap and trying to meet your budget cuts via shitty game shows. You're hurting America. You're hurting me. You're helping Penn Jillette. And that ain't right.

Sincerely,
Justin

you're person of the year. now be a star!

Shizz. I've eaten so much this week, and I haven't been to the gym once! Well, thanks to NBC and reality TV all is not lost! I can still be a star!

THE BIGGEST LOSER IS CASTING!

The Biggest Loser is back! Do you have what it takes to be the next Biggest Loser? We are now casting season four. If you are finally ready to shed the pounds once and for all with expert trainers and nutritionists, then you should apply!

How to Apply:
Step 1: MAKE A VIDEOTAPE (only VHS, DVD or mini DV will be accepted)
Step 2: MAIL THE TAPE TO US ASAP (please include a picture if possible).

What to include in your FIVE MINUTE videotape.
Show us why you should be on The Biggest Loser. Make your video as personal as possible. Start with your name and hometown. (For example, you can take us on a tour of your typical day.) Show us, don't just tell us, why you need to lose the weight. Finally, let us know why you are a great candidate for the show. Remember, we want to see your personality. Have fun and good luck!

Send your tape along with a completed application to:

THE BIGGEST LOSER CASTING
PO BOX 578
Manhattan Beach, CA 90267-0578


So don't worry about getting fat this holiday season. It'll only help you on your way to reality TV fame.

Download the application. Yup, there's an app. No you can't apply ED. Thanks, Harvard.

Mmm transfats,
Justin

17 December 2006

it's my **** in a box!

Did you catch Justin Timberlake on SNL last night? He hosted and performed! What a two-for. What a bargain. Oh, and if you're wondering, his lover Cammy-poo introduced his first song. So many starz!

Ok, so the best sketch? Obviously "Hip Hop Kids:"

I'll probably name my first born Jo-Jessica. Boy or girl.

And in case you missed it here's my current obsession. Andy, Justin, Mya, and dicks-in-boxes? How can you go wrong? (Kinda NSFW)



Now you know what's #1 on my Festivus list,
Justin

when everyone wins no one does


Really, Time? REALLY? You couldn't come up with anyone better? Not that I'm not flattered and all. But for serious? Ugh. Thanks for the tip-off, David.

You're really nothing special,
Justin

PS: I'm still working the kinks out of this shizz. Transferring over to Blogger Beta: not painless. Expect more regular posting in a few days.

16 December 2006

totes a hello

I'm sitting in Middletown's very own Javapalooza, reading MLK jr.'s "Letter from Birmingham City Jail," and I think it's time for an "Emancipation of Mimi"-style comeback. Don't you?



Stay tuned.
Justin

26 June 2006

totes a goodbye: bigger and better things

Upon, Katey and Kate's graduation, Joe John's upcoming senior thesis, and Justin's venture into becoming a corporate whore...we have decided to close up shop. But rest assured that we're doing just fine.

Are you though? Do you miss us? May I suggest these blogs to help you out?
  • IT'S THE MONEYSHOT!!: This is Joe John's new music blog. It's a mix of indie, pop, hip-hop, and soul. It will blow your mind...and that will be the moneyshot. If you miss Joe John's monthly mixtapes, you should check this out.
  • Blogging Project Runway: If you miss Katey's Project Runway re-caps, this is your one stop source for all things related to Bravo's hit TV series.
  • OH NO THEY DIDN'T: The internet mecca of pop culture. The mods and users can be bitchy, but the info is priceless.
  • shitparade: Another blog with the Wesleyan connection, shitparade is a goldmine for the latest news about ANTM's Kim Stolz and some hot tracks from rising musical artists of LA.
  • The Hype Machine: The best MP3 blog aggregator in the world. I think.
  • Scary Bunnies: Blogging Connecticut like nobody's business, Scary Bunnies gives you the best of what the Hartford area has to offer and then some.
  • Lane and Sorrow: For those of you with love problems, Lane and Sorrow can help. Even if you don't have love problems, you should just call them and leave a funny message.
Contact us if you'd like to be included on this list and feel neglected. I apologize.

19 May 2006

go to this if you are cool...

Jess Lane and Jon Golbe of Teen Homicide have teamed up once more for a new pilot!!! Here are the words from Jess herself.

"Aawwwwwwwwww man!

Me and Jon made a new Channel 102 pilot. And they liked it. It's going to be at the screening. It's very exciting.

We spent a whole lot of time on it. Probably the majority of last month was spent writing, planning, filming, and editing this show. I think it looks really good. And hopefully it will be funny.

It'll be shown at the screening Monday night at Anthology Film Archives in NYC. The screening is at 8:30 and costs $5.

The screenings are pretty important, because the audience votes for the shows that get to make more episodes. They are at a really nice movie theater and its very fun and premiere-esque. More friends = more fun. If everyone in the world went, it would make me incredibly happy.

Directions to Anthology are here:
http://www.channel102.net/screenings.php

And if you are at Wes, we are organizing a carpool! So call or email me about that, and we will all drive together."


Apologies for not updating in the past forever and a day. In the midst of finals, there has been comtemplation of the extinction of totesumbrellas. A final verdict has not yet been reached.

On a final note, go see Akeelah and the Bee while you still can, do NOT see Just My Luck. I repeat, DO NOT see Just My Luck.

Kick his B-U-T-T,
Joe John

06 May 2006

america's next top gossip: lisa d'amato tells all...again

I haven't been keeping up with Lisa recently...but it looks like she's been doing a lot of shit-talking in her MySpace fan club recently. Here are some highlights...
  • "someone asked a while back: Who else made out in the limo besides Kim and Sara.....It was Jayla and Cassandra....I think. It was a big mess of everyone, but I'm pretty sure."
  • "Fuck Tyra, Fuck her show, Fuck her whole I'm a helpful hand bullshit! She's an ego maniac. She only cares about her self. If she could be all 13 contestants on Top Model, she would be. If she could interview herself on her talk show all day, she would. If I'm wrong, prove it to me! Just for saying all this I could just disappear. Tyra could make that happen. If you'll don't hear from me, she had the secret service get on my ass and I'm probably chopped into a million pieces."
  • "on our down time, I basically listened to Everyone bitch and complain and be at one anothers throats. I was soooo fucking bored I tried to amuse myself! Masturbate, put on my weird costumes and fake teeth. Tried to entertain them aswell. They would laugh, but talk shit about me. Fuck it though, I'm over it. but, Diane is awesome, Ebony(funny as hell), and Kim is fun to be around, but ......a huge shit talker, you never know if she is a friend or not. Just keep her at arms length you can't confine in her(back stabber)"
  • "because of contracts, I'm not allowed to say if we stayed around or not, but...... We did."
  • "I love those wild guys, they are awesome. But, Steve-o had a crush on Nicole, which I didn't get. And, Nicole had a boyfriend for like 3 years and always said how much she loved him. But, she gave Steve-o her ... If ya'll think that's cool, that's fine, but, I'm all about being faithful. Your heart is the most delicate thing in the world if you ask me."
  • "I don't know about Janice and Tyra... I know that Janice thinks the show is bull-shit. She told me that. I don't know if that is the reason why she left. But, I know that that is the reason why she prefers to do just cameos."
Read everything here.

On another note, this reminded me...Diane has been doing some modeling recently and she's looking good!

I think I said too much,
Joe John

kidz w/ mad skillz

Kids rapping are so cute that you can't even handle it.
So are rapping robots that tell kids to recycle...But that's not the point!

Kids rapping can be the cutest thing ever...or it can be disasterous (see Aaron Carter). Rappers Delight Club is the best thing to happen to me since the Reggaeton Ninos. This is probably the best thing that Said the Gramophone has ever done for me.

RAPPERS DELIGHT CLUB- Hum
RAPPERS DELIGHT CLUB- First Ladies Anthem
RAPPERS DELIGHT CLUB- Tick Tock

Contrary to his image, the man above does not touch little children...he organizes their vocals onto hip-hop songs that sample everything from Sufjan to Elmo's theme. By day he is an elementary school teacher...by night he is mixing hot rhymes like these:
  • "(She's a Jewish rapper) Come check out me! (At the synagogue) is where I be"
  • "My name is Keandra. I'm the rap King Kong. I'm the only boy on this whole entire song. That's ok, your raps are lame. You can't even spell your own name."
  • "Gonna step all over you like you did too....and when I do you'll feel bruised. No one ever watches you like Blues Clues. You lose!"
  • "I sold more cookies than your whole girl scout troop."
  • "Razzle dazzle, gonna make you spazzle. I'm not the slave serving people in a castle. Quit the hassle cause I'm the leader. Put another MC in front of me and I'll beat her."
  • "I make bad MCs RUN. When I catch them, I eat them with a hamburger BUN."

I'm in charge of everything like Oprah Winfrey,
Joe John

may mixtape reject: new song by coach said not to

The May mixtape is in the works! I promise. There are currently a few thematic issues...which led to a few songs getting considered for a second and canned within the next minute. Here is the first of many...

d/l: COACH SAID NOT TO- Unlikely Architect

Remember how Heidi from Project Runway really liked pretty things? Well, I have no particular reason for wanting to include this on the new mixtape...except it's really pretty. I tried to bullshit some excuse for it's inclusion, which mostly involved incorporating the fact that I'm taking an architecture course. Then I realized that academics are lame. In any case, I can not resist the vocals on the closing lines of the song--- "Inchworm, inchworm measuring the marigolds. You and your arithmetic will probably go far..."

Check out some more tunes by Coach Said Not To on the space or their website.

Behind my back they call me Mark spelt with a "k",
Joe John

05 May 2006

fierce, fabulous, farewell: antm

Just when we all thought you couldn't kill a praying mantis in a disco dress... Furonda gets the boot. The girl was too skinny to be a live, with long fingers suitable only for poking eyes out, so I don't think any of us can believe she's any great loss. Can we take a moment to memorialize the tiara, though?

My two favorite characters of this entire cycle turned up this episode. First, can we name which former Wesleyan DJ has become a Thai dance instructor?
It's the Thai Max Goldblatt!

And how about the little boy who works with Thai Max Goldblatt (TMG) by breaking Furonda's fingers?
OK, the kid might be 22, but he looks tiny and gay and adorable from here.

The thing I find most hilarious/awful about the whole dance lesson sequence is how they kept cutting between Danielle lying half-dead in the hospital and the other girls catfighting/dancing like idiots. Like, we get this
and then Jade and Joanie bitching at each other!
(with Furonda's imitation of them added for good measure)

Then Danielle hooked up for dear life in the hospital
and Jade doing her horrific "dancing" again.

Turns out Danielle was not in fact dying, just suffering from "dehydration, exhaustion, and a little bit of food poisoning." Last I checked that's what starlets always had when they were recovering from cocaine binges, but whatevs. Still, she missed the Thai dancing challenge, which in the end might have been a good thing.
(It's worth noting, however, that even though Furonda apparently started to hula, the Thai audience friggin' loved her)

It's also worth noting that Joanie won the challenge (suck it, Jade!) and as a reward was given a Thai head thing that, like anything culturally complex on this show, was not remotely well-explained other than being "exotic."

The next day they arrive for their photo shoot and... well... there are no words:
Yes, that is Toothpaste Head... on an elephant. Danielle is there even though she's still feeling puny, and she sticks through it even though I can think of few places I'd less rather be while ill than riding an elephant through a swamp.
Ohhhhh the pain.

They're doing a shoot for the Venus Vibrance razor (most pointless vibrator/razor yet), so of course they demean the girls and make them shave their legs in the middle of the jungle. Joanie actually proclaims "They're smooth." Good girl.
Quick! Count all the awkward things about this photo!

The most interesting things about this shoot are that Mr. Jay tells Joanie "you've got some magic with that elephant" (gross)

And Sara lurks in the background through most of the shoots like some child out of a M. Night Shyamalan movie (grosser!)

Sara, it turns out, has no magic with the elephant, or magic with control of her limbs for that matter. Awkwardness, as always, ensues.

The judging! Tyra gives, as usual, an absurd and vague challenge involved Thai dancing and masks and... whatever. What's important is how Sara and Joanie's masks look creepily like them.

And how Danielle stalks toward Miss Jay, which results in a mask-like face for him too.

Now everyone gets to share in the overacting!

And now... at last... the evaluations.

Jade
Everyone said Jade looked too stiff in the photos, which sounds like one of those "no more disco dresses" excuses they use just to have a reason to put someone in the bottom 2. Still, Jade still annoys the shit out of me, so whatever criticism they give her is fine by me. As the person in the top 4 who's been on the chopping block many times by now, I guess she's now the "fourth baddest bitch in America." God help us.

Danielle
Danielle of course told them she had been sick, and Twiggy tells her "I think woozy suits your face, you look gorgeous." Tyra then confesses that-- shocker!-- she has an unnamed "stomach condition" and she just has to "model through it." I guess it's the fashion equivalent of walking it off.

Joanie
I'm showing both the close-up and full-size versions of this photo because I love it so. Magic with the elephant, indeed. The panel universally loved the photo, and in order to have something to say told Joanie to bring the personality to the panel. Have they seen Sara's lack of emotional expression? Seriously?
Sara
I've never had any ill will toward Sara, but she's starting to fill the "Kim Stolz why are you still on this show?" role for me. I totally expected her to be in the bottom 2 but they kept her in for some bizarre reason. I totally call her for next though, if only because Tyra was so proud of her "vanilla, caramel, chocolate" line-up in the top three last season, and Jade, Danielle and Joanie will fill that nicely.

Furonda-- out
Awww. Except for those crazy fingers she never had much wrong with her. They mainly nailed Furonda for being "all over the place" in person, which I guess after her hula-Thai dance is fair. Man, did you see how thrilled Joanie and Sara were that Jade was staying?


And can we give Furonda credit for both doing a runway walk on her way out
and leaving us with this final quote?

“How could they send the fabuous Furonda home! The judges must have lost their head.”

Holler back.

Elephants are part of the dinosaur family,
Katey