Damn you, Frito Lay!

So The Bravery finished their "Fearless" video like 10 days ago, and I still can't find it! Ugh, if I have to wait until May 23rd when it's released to the public, I'll feel so lame. Minions, if you can find this video for me, I'll pay with sexual favors and give up my title as co-King of the Internet.

Since I'm a nerd, I find this hillarious: Tiger Direct, an online computer store, is suing Apple computer, b/c Apple's Tiger operating system (Mac OS 10.4) dropped yesterday, which caused Tiger Direct's Google rank to drop severely. Though I'm a diehard Mac fan, I kinda want Tiger Direct to win this one. Then we at Totes Umbrellas could sue Totes, the umbrella company, for messing with our Google rank. The bitches.

Free Lil Kim!

Keep Lil' Kim outta the big house! She's waiting to be sentenced after being found guilty of perjury, and I guess the judge has low self esteem or something, b/c he's into peer pressure. Write a letter (remember that her legal name is Kimberly Jones), because only you can stop Lil Kim from being incarcerated.

Well, thanks to Dubya there was no O.C. Thursday night. Someone should really tell him that once The O.C. starts, there is no talking. Whatevs. From what I gather on Fox's website, there are going to be two new episodes next week, back-to-back. Anyone up for an O.C. party? My room. 'Round 8ish? Cool. I'll see you there.

Ahhh! Everyone ready your butt-plug! Frito-Lay has introduced a new lower-fat line of chips (I actually noticed this over Spring Break, but I forgot about it until now). Their Light brand does have 1/3 the calories, but beware! These modified versions of Ruffles, Tostitos, and Doritos are fried with olestra. Remember Olean (who by the way has the shittiest website ever)? Remember thinking that childhood obesity was solved until chowing down on a whole can of Fat-Free Pringles and leaking anally for a week? Yah, well I just ate a bag of low-fat chips, and now I'm having deja-vu.

I never look back, darling. It distracts from the now,
Justin

New Music....Thursday!!!!!!

Happy Birthday, iTunes Music Store! Today you are two. Is this why you're being so lame this week? Because you've reached the terrible-twos?

Let's see what in-store for us:
The Very Best of Bananarama! OMG this shit is bananas! Actually, I love the 80s and Brit-pop way too much to make an unbiased call on this one, but check it out!

If you love a good Pop-rock/Punk/Emo mix, then Acceptance's new album Phantom is a safe bet. Think Brand New with some Coldplay mixed in for good measure.

Remember Dishwalla? You know "Counting Blue Cars," the song that is the 90s for me? Well, they've got a new album out today, and this time it's self-titled! Only pick this one up if you're a fan of Creed/Alterbrigde. Wait. If you're a Creed/Alterbridge, go away.

Wow, Britney, Hilary, Usher, Kelly, Lindsay, Justin, Avril, and Beyoncé on the same album? The "Teen Pop" iTunes Essentials is better than Now 483!! Eww, but how did "Raven-Symoné" get on this? And since when is her name hyphenated with an accent ague? Whatevs, the others more than cancel her out.

So many Björk remixes! There are 20 on Army of Me- Remixes and Covers, all of which are accredited to her. This is a lie. Björk is a liar. I'd say that unless you LOVE her (and every genre of music imaginable), this album is pretty "ehh" ...and a little scary.

Ok, obviously this wasn't the week for music. If you're interested, there's also a new Ben Folds album, the Foo Fighters new single (which sounds like every other Foo Fighters song, so save yourself 99¢), and Cheap Trick's Session@AOL.

iTunes SparkNotes:
Get:
Phantom -Acceptance
"Teen Pop" -iTunes Essentials

Don't Get:
Dishwalla -Dishwalla*
Army of Me- Remixes and Covers -Björk

*after typing "Dishwalla" so many times, I've decided that it's the worst band name ever. EVER.

And now for some pop-culture news

Tina Fey's pregnant! I hope her baby looks like Lindsay Lohan, so they can put on Mean Girls plays at family gatherings. By the way, EOnline's headline reads "Tina Fey Preggers" Preggers? Jeez. It not like you're a trashy gossip-blog or something. Stop frontin'

Nabisco is changing the Oreo! The new recipe will have no trans-fat, a partially-hydrogenated fat that's bad for you...duh. "They claim the new cookie taste like the original." Well, it better, bitches, or I'm driving down Peachtree until I hit that creepy Nabisco plant and setting it aflame. This is because of Cookie Monster, isn't it? Damn that obese blue pice of carpet.

Guess who's going out with Tom Cruise now? No, it's not Richard Simmons. It's Katie Holmes! I never saw this one coming, but I still think it's gross.

I wanna blow you....away,
Justin

I am ready to stop pretending there is a difference between my major and this blog.

Yesterday I gave a presentation in youth culture (it had a little bit to do with grrrls and sports), and during questions, someone mentioned Venus and Serena Williams. All I could say was "you know, they're getting a reality show." Not even Betsy Traube thought it was a good idea, and she knows her shit, TV-wise. Anyway:

3 important things before class!

Daft Punk is playing in the trailer Adam made for this year's thesis films. Shout outs to the t-shirt folders.

Shit will blow your mind: Technically, you would only need one time traveler convention. Anything conceived by MIT yet inspired by Cat and Girl seems ok with me.

This weekend: Thursday-Saturday at 8 and Saturday at 2 in the squash courts- The Wesleyan Melodrama. Everyone you like is in it, so go early.

i can't think about anything but new new pornographers getting leaked,
kb

Wahoo for tunes up the wazoo!

Yesterday was a New Music Wednesday on iTunes, but I'm not about to touch that since it's Justin's territory...instead, I'm going to bombard you with MP3s, and provide a very informative post about world news on a later date.

I've divided the music into two separate categories, just because I had a lot of hip-hop related stuff this week. Please at least scroll to the bottom and take a look at the Kelis video.

TUNES!
PART 1- Dirrty Pop and Rock

I was in love with this song within the first couple of seconds. I hope you fall in love with it too.
The Good Life- Lovers Need Lawyers

Once upon a time, I was obsessed with this bad spoken word bio of Hilary Duff that was over a really addictive tune. Then, Lollapalooza featured the band who released it on their line-up. While this excited me, I knew there was no way I was going to go to Lollapalooza. This made me sad because I love Death Cab more than Seth Cohen of the O.C. and not so secretly still love Dashboard Confessional like it's my job.
The Changes- Modern Love (Hilary Duff version)
I later became obsessed with this less-ironic tune.
The Changes- When I Wake
It's apparently getting play on KEXP, which excites me to almost the degree of a boner. For more tunes from The Changes, check out their site.

Remember my mention of Architecture in Helsinki? No. Ok, well if you haven't...I just want to say that I've fallen in love with their music. I even abused my wirehog but not facebook friendship with Max Goldblatt to have a listen to one of their earlier albums. Later, I realized that the album was available for download by EVERYONE!

So, Katie mentioned Sufjan a little earlier...I highly recommend his music for anyone in the world. If you're not even a little Sufjan-curious, you should be. Here's a little bit to get your feet wet and ready for the Illinois album to be released this summer.
Sufjan Stevens- Chicago

I think that Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know" is underrated. Here is an amazing acoustic cover of it.
Evan Dando- How Will I Know

So some of you may have remembered Garbage's album being released a few weeks ago. Well, if you were at all curious about the sound of Garbage nowadays, here are three songs from the new album. If you don't care about Garbage much, then move past GO and collect $200.
Garbage- Run Baby Run
Garbage- Boys Wanna Fight
Garbage- It's All Over But the Crying

TUNES!
PART 2- Blazin' Hip-Hop & R&B

Once upon a time, Black Eyed Peas were Fergie-free and made enjoyable hip-hop music. Then they sold out. I know a lot of people may criticize me for holding this opinion, but they were in the same league as The Roots at one time. Yes, I believe The Roots are a respectable hip-hop act that stay true to themselves. But after hearing "Don't Phunk with My Heart" on iTunes, I do not believe that The Peas are. Whatevs! Have a listen to BEP before they got lame.
Black Eyed Peas- Joints and Jams
Black Eyed Peas- Fallin Up

M.I.A. remixes surprisingly almost never suck. This is no exception to that rule.
M.I.A. vs. Little Computer People- Bucky Done Gone Electro

Ok, so this actual song isn't a hip-hop song, but it's a cover of one...and it holds it's own without the ironic value and the original song to boot...which is saying a lot because I really don't like The Vines that much.
The Vines- Ms. Jackson (Outkast "cover")

So word on the street is that RJD2 was all up in Psi U's grill...and by grill I mean house. RJD2 was also all up in Tweet's grill. If you forgot who Tweet is, she's the singer of "Oops...Oh My!", a masturbation anthem that should not be forgotten. RJD2 did a remix of her new song. This is the remix. Of that song.
Tweet f/Missy Elliott- Turn Da Lights Off (RJD2 remix)

Speaking of Missy...her album release is way too far away. I think it's June 28th...Luckily for us, the internet leaks things like whoa and a half.
Missy Elliott f/ Pharrell- On and On

Speaking of Pharrell, he produces a lot of songs with Chad Hugo. Remember when I was talking about how people will actually listen to Ol' Dirty Bastard's new album? I think this is evidence. Get the police!...because this song is holding hostages on the dancefloor.
ODB f/ Pharrell & Clipse- Operator

Speaking of ODB, his single "Get Your Money" featured Kelis way before her first of three albums came out. That's right. If you didn't know Kelis had two albums before "Milkshake", you don't even know Kelis. This song was from her first album. I was obsessed with the original in 8th grade, mostly because of the INSANE video. PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK AND WATCH THE VIDEO FOR "Get Along with You"! It's better than I remember. In Milkshake, Kelis gets all sexy, but the video for this song is dark...and much more visually spectacular (though there's less boobage).
Kelis- Get Along With You (Fake ID remix)

Turn that shit up and play it again,
Joe John

Silly me. I forgot to make fun of Texas.

This week the Texas House voted 81-58 in favor of Amendment 60, which bans gays and lesbians from adopting children. Ok, whatever. Texas hates the gays. Old news. But wait! Read the fine print: "the legislations also authorizes the state to conduct investigations into the sexual orientation of current foster parents." Glossing over the fact that this is probably unconstitutional, does anyone else think it would be super-rad to move to Texas and become a professional Gaydar? Who's with me?! No takers? K. I guess they could always just administer a test.

1. The person pictured above is:
A) a man
B) a woman
C) fabulous

A Tuesday Sans Music

I was checking out Cee-lo on allmusic today, and under "Moods" it lists him as "Literate." That's nice. I'm glad that he can read and write. Other mood highlights: "Freewheeling, Trippy, Good-Natured, and Organic" OMG! Cee-lo is sooo orgah-nic. If he went to Wes, he'd live in Budhist House fo' sho'.

You know, Silence of the Lambs is a great movie, but I always felt like it was lacking something...perhaps a musical number or two? Well, my prayers have been answered, because Jon & Al Kaplan have composed SILENCE!, the Silence of the Lambs musical (shout out to Allison for this find). "If I Could Smell Her Cunt" is going to win a Tony one of these days. Oh, and I just can't wait for them to finish RoboCop: The Musical!

George Lucas is going to guest star on The O.C.! Oh, right, no O.C. fan will care.

"Kevy, what does this pink line mean?"

Screw Kelly Clarkson's water bottle! Hot 89.9, "Ottawa's #1 Hit Music Station," is auctioning off Britney's used EPT. Hurry! You only have 3 more days to pay a batrillion dollars for a hunk of plastic that Brit stuck up her 'gine-'gine... or peed on... or something. Whatevs, I'm no gyno.

I'm all for Michael Bay directing The Transformers (even if Voltron was 13,000 times better), but The Birds? Uh-un, Mikey. Don't touch Hitchcock. Didn't you see the 1998 remake of Psycho? Case-in-point.

Has anyone read Chris Van Allsburg's Zanthura? "Two squabbling brothers are propelled into deepest, darkest space while playing a mysterious game they discovered in the basement of their old house....Unless they finish the game and reach the planet Zathura, they are doomed to be trapped in outer space forever." Sounds like Jumanji meets Deep Space Nine, right? Well, it is, and they're making it into a movie. So, not only did Chris Van Allsburg write two of the same book, but now there'll also be a movie for each. Sadly, the second installment of the "Board Games from Hell" series will feature neither Robin Williams nor Kirsten Dunst. A moment of silence, please.

Wait. I know this was on Pink. Tammy Fay's losing her eyelashes to cancer. Oh, no! They're her trademark! blah, blah, blah... But can we pay attention to the last paragraph? Isn't she a televangelist? Now, I don't claim to know WWJD, but Jesus would def not host a tranny show.

Like any savvy cross-media mogul, Paris Hilton refused to strip to anything but her own album when filming House of Wax. Her song of choice? "Screwed." I'm not even gonna touch that one.

Put the fucking lotion in the basket,
Justin

PS: iTunes obviously forgot that today was Tuesday. Thus, I will have to do "New Music Tuesdays" at a later time.

Heaven!

Our readers and fine makers of comments ask some really important questions...for example, are you good enough to get into heaven?

Too bad I don't make the cut. I was looking forward to the marshmallow clouds, live Tupac shows, and kittens.

And I think it's fly when girls stop by...

Thanks to Joe John's investigative reporting, we heard Colin Meloy's pre-Decemberists band, Tarkio, before Pitchfork posted official info on the re-release. Also, a video of the Decemberist's recent performance on KCRW's Morning becomes Eclectic is available here. It's the first I've seen with their new (male!) drummer and violin girl. I am no good with change, but maybe I'll get over it before their Summerstage show with Death Cab and Stars, at which I will kill myself for being so lame and terribly old.

Rich Cronin, lead singer of LFO, diagnosed with leukemia. I know you haven't thought about LFO in years, but dude sang "Summer Girls"! Jesus! Let's pray he gets better so he can continue work on his solo project. You all get one chinese food/msg-related joke and that's it.
[via Max "the human blog" Golblatt].

Kevin Federline's ex-gf/struggling actress Shar Jackson says she's willing to let her kids have a relationship with baby Spears. The world needs more selflessness like this.

Woman forgets words to national anthem at hockey game, runs off ice, falls hard = LOL where is Bob Saget when we need him?!!!!

Most boring celebrity couple reality show evs? Please tell me one thing that would make watching Venus and Serena worthwhile.

Until I get my Wesleyan webspace figured out, tracks from the new Sufjan Stevens album, Illinois, will be on my wirehog favorites (forseriousok.wirehog.com). The world needs more slight voices and banjos.
[via Dan "straight outta COMPSton" Fitchette. Support.]

I'm gonna go eat something leavened,
Katie B

p.s. i just got a few of these stickers in the mail . Let me know if you have any use for the top halves.

I Wish I Was a Super-cool Blogger...

Today I was walking back from Red & Black when the fact that Cee-Lo is playing Spring Fling was mentioned. Someone amongst us misheard...and thought that Skee-Lo was playing Spring Fling...I think this is something to work towards for next year. Imagine listening to "I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller" 9 times in a row...with a lot of crazy drunk people on Foss Hill. Did you imagine that? Good. I did, and I believe I am a better person because of this.

So I missed Chromeo last night, and cried a little because of it. OH! And if you missed Madame Bouffante's Burlesque Show...you should cry a lot because of it. Granted I am biased, since I was in it and all...but the performers worked hard and it showed. FOUR SOLD-OUT SHOWS! Big congrats to everyone involved...

Ok, now with all the shameless self-promotion and Wesnews out of the way, let's get on to the really important things happening in the world...

Ok, I don't watch The O.C. I'll admit that I'm the kind of person who would, but my lack of a TV prevents me to do so. May I just say that this moment is CLASSIC..."I can't believe Seth is missing his favorite band. You know, it's one thing blowing me off ... but blowing off Death Cab? This comic book has totally broken him."

Am I a bad person for wanting this? I mean, The Breakfast Club and other movies of the 80s are cinematic masterpieces. But...indie music covers? Am I also a bad person for wanting to go to Lollapalooza? YES, I love Dashboard Confessional...and now I'm going to go cry in a corner because I know you're laughing at me now.

Buffy the Vampire Layer? Sarah Michelle Gellar goes porno on us.

I hesitate to believe that Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame gets this much ass...I mean Jessica Simpson, Kate Moss, and Lindsay Lohan!?! NO WAY.

Jack Black? Portraying a Mexican priest who secretly moonlights as a masked wrestler in order to save an orphanage from closure? Somehow I'm not surprised. I'm a little insulted that he's appropriating the Mexican culture.

This is the third time we mentioned the Paris vs. Nicole business, but I sincerely want to know what Nicole knows she did.

My inner disgruntled comic book geek is no secret identity...but Nicolas Cage as Ghostrider? Isn't Stan Lee crying now? I guess not...as he shamelessly stuck himself in Spider Man 2 for a whole half a second...

SO MUCH HOMOSEXUALITY IN TODAY'S POP MUSIC! Featuring The Killers, The Backstreet Boys, Duran Duran, and a really hot picture involving The Libertines. Obviously, musicians are realizing that homosexuality is the new heterosexuality...Jump on the bandwagon so you can say you were into it before it went all mainstream!

Speaking of homosexuality...Johnny Depp is the new Mischa Barton!! Keep your pants on...it's just in the name of art!

"Wow Joe John, you totally outgayed yourself this time..." Get over it! I've gotten both of those last two pieces of news from Arjan and Pink. I mean, I guess this isn't a good time for me to mention that Donatella Versace nearly killed herself?

I MUST HEAR THIS!!! Le Tigre is producing a song for Paris Hilton's debut album. It's like my two favorite things colliding into one.

THE LOHAN WAS ROBBED!...and I don't mean of an Oscar for her performance in Mean Girls.

Mimi's doggy has a website...that's right, it's The Emancipation of Jack. I still haven't been able to find a link to the actual site. Mariah Carey is ridic. I did find these adorbs pictures of her and Jack.

TUNES!

The internet is littered with new MP3s by bands no one from Wesleyan would want to admit to liking without dying inside or feeling uber-stereotypical. For example...
Foo Fighters- Best of You (their new single)
Nikka Costa- Til I Get to You
Nikka Costa- Fooled Ya Baby
The White Stripes- Blue Orchid
Weezer- This is Such a Pity (word to ben)
Radiohead- House of Cards (live)
Radiohead- Last Flowers (live)
Nine Inch Nails- Sunspots

The Verve Remixed 3 just recently came out. I love anything involving the Postal Service and this is no exception...
Nina Simone- Little Girl Blue (Postal Service Remix)
For more Nina Simone remixes...go here.

ACTUAL new Kanye West...He pays homage to Andre 3000 in "Ms. Jackson" with this one.
Kanye West- Diamonds are Forever

So the Fiery Furnaces may not be playing at Spring Fling...but this band sounds a lot like them...
Architecture in Helsinki- It's 5!
Architecture in Helsinki- The Owls Go

Blowing off Death Cab?!?!!,
Joe John

She truly is a hero to fake blondes everywhere.

All you have to do to win a dream day with Lindsay Lohan is send Oprah a tape telling her HOW LINDSAY HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE. But you've only got a week! The only reason I'm even updating is so Joe John and Justin can get on this ASAP.

Also, congrats to Kimmy for making it into the top 30 for the next season of America's Next Top Model. The first episode is going to be fucking pandemonium around here. Not since Tyra's recent freak out has there been a better reason for all of campus to tune in at once.

I just found someone with every 'Six Feet Under' on the network so I'm out,
kb

Because of the new food pyramid, Hollywood only eats Kentucky Fried Chicken...and Enron!

Wow, a documentary about Enron?! Thanks, but I have to wash my hair...and clip my toenails. "The film's most climactic moments involve the chilling audiotapes of avaricious Enron traders as they toy with California's energy crisis, wringing millions in profits from the misfortune of an entire state." Maybe I'd go see it if the "chilling audiotapes" were CGIed into "flesh-eating chilling audiotapes." Some tities would be nice too.

Paris and Nicole are no longer friends. In other news, Paris says that Nicole is "not invited to my birthday party anymore."

Last time I went to the Meriden mall I was seriously scared for my life. There were about 300 chain-clad goth tweens congregating outside of HotTopic. I was converted to Satanism just by walking past them... Not to mention the 12 year old who flashed me a gang-sign in the food court. Thank J.C. that malls are finally doing something about these rowdy, Satanic, pre-teen gang members.

This looks like a pile of trash.

Who's seen the new food pyramid? Personally, I think it looks pretty gay. No seriously, it's a rainbow triangle. And why are the divisions vertical? Don't they know that gravity's a bitch? Now it just looks like a gay pile of trash. Though it is kinda neat that you can personalize it. Too bad it says that I should eat 3 1/2 cups of dry beans & peas weekly. Gross.

Eww. Hilary and Haylie Duff are doing a movie together. Supposedly it's going to be a hybrid of Napoleon Dynamite and Cinderella Story. Kidding, but it is going to be a riches-to-rags comedy. Just what we need, an anti-American Dream flick. That's so PoMo! Oh, and by the way, it's liquid, you ass-hats.

Mariah claims that she can't stand being around cigarette smokers, but those who indulge in the ganja don't bother her vocal cords at all. Right, Mimi.

KFC is becoming Kentucky Fried Chicken....again. Ugh. They're going to have to buy so many vowels. Anyway, I guess Colonel Sanders is finally fed up with being asked "Did the government make you change your name to KFC, because you don't use real chicken?"

I'm still waiting for confirmation as to whether or not Bennifer 2.0 is engaged. My guess is that Ben Affleck proposed, but before she commits Jennifer Garner is waiting for him to swear that he'll wax his back hair.

This new pope was totally a waste of white smoke,
Justin

In one place, breakdancing transformers are animated bitches back from the dead.

Did you ever want all the "Got Milk?" ads in one place? I know I have.

Breakdancing Transformers...like the robots in disguise. Need I say more? Yeah, it gets boring after awhile...

Paris Hilton is a bitch. She probably only wanted Kim Stewart in the first place because she looks as old as her father. BTW, I love the way Paris speaks..."When the first installment happened, I wanted Kim. And she was like, 'I'm not doing a reality show.' Nicole was like, 'I'll do it.' I was like, 'Alright'."

Avril Lavigne is set to be animated...from the looks of this cast, it'll be the best thing since "Lil Pimp"

Behold: John Candy, back from the dead...also being animated.

TUNES!

Any song that combines the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack and Usher's "Yeah" is certainly worth listening to at least for the novelty of it.
Dopplebanger- Requiem for Usher

The description of this next song is taken straight from the site I got it from: "This is a booty bass song about a pre-Attorney General Janet Reno and her tough stance on deadbeat dads while she was the State Attorney of Florida. I think that if I said anything more about this, it might spoil it for you."
Anquette- Janet Reno

I think this track speaks for itself...
Sensitive New Age Cowpersons- Dancing Queen (Abba cover)

Scrubbin' your lil' ducky tummy since 1985,
-Joe John

Home, is where I want to be

First, some Wesleyan Updates as best I can:

I am 100% positive that the headlining act for this year's Spring Fling extravanganza is Cee-lo. Or am I? Maybe it's actually Sonic Youth!! No really. It's true.

Thursday's Animal Collective show will be a barbecue-style event in the early evening behind Film House. Bring your own meat/meat substitutes, blankets, and love of sweet sweet freak folk. They'll be going on around 6:30 and finishing in time for the last senior cocktails of the year (wtf kind of a theme is "crazy sexy cool?")

Saturday = Chromeo, Eclectic, party time, get your dance on.

This weekend's 2nd Stage stizz:
Aunt Dan and Lemon, directed by Hallie Cooper-Novack. Thursday and Friday 8pm; Saturday at 6:30 in the '92.
The Waiting Place, a musical written and directed by Chelsea Landon (shout outs to Naomi, of course, as well as American Studies creative theses)
Friday 4 p.m., Saturday 2 p.m. and 9 p.m. in the '92.

Booth Haley, who you might know from such hits as "scaling the walls of the campus center" and "wearing the giant inner tube costume at the Management's thesis," NEEDS YOUR HELP. He stole a rare Falcon egg, was going to eat it, and now faces criminal charges. And you can buy the tshirt!!!!! "The funniest part of this whole thing is, it's not an unfertilized chicken egg. It's probably fertilized, which means he would have cracked it open to find a bird corpse!" -Russell Barlow

Also, mazel tov to Genevieve, whose birthday week was topped off by the Bat Mitzvah she never had / arguably the best dance party of the semester at 128 Pearl on Saturday. Highlights: electric slide, father-daughter dance, inflatable guitars/keytars/saxophones, a run of mashups the likes of which I've never heard, and everything I forgot about from 1999 (including "Fantasty," twice). Gratitude to DJ DIE Die Aynu and his yellow tuxedo shirt for (yet again) hanging out behind his powerbook for the good of the many.

Finally: 73 Home what! I could not be more thrilled about the doodz living on Home and Lawn Avenues next year. Shit is bumpin like I never thought possible. Half an hour after I got home, there was a facebook group. Get psyched ommmmgggg block parties. Quiet ones.

And now some other stuff:

Some dudes + costumes + live-action D&D = funniest 15 seconds of your life?

"Good Vibrations," a Beach Boys musical in the groundbreaking and artistically credible style of "Mamma Mia" and "Movin' Out," is closing after 3 months. Brian Wilson would be weeping in his grave, if he were dead, but he's not, but he probably wishes he was right about now.

Speaking of which, Tupac is going to stop releasing albums and narrating movies about his own life from beyond the grave, after this one last record. And by 'beyond the grave' we all know I mean some treehouse in Argentina with Jerry Garcia and JPII.

NEW POPE! Quick facts: German, 78 years old, funny looking. Real last name: RATZINGER. I look forward to a blessed 1-3 years.

I'm not going to apologize for the following things: having seen every episode of Gilmore Girls, having a crush on Bradley Whitford, and liking shitty movies that bring those two things together.

Inspired by yesterday's battle on the hill to decide who had the best cell phone ring version of "La La," here's a website where you can waste a few hours uploading pictures from your computer to your phone's wallpaper and changing your ring FOR FREE WOOO. Now I will pretend I am checking the time, but I will really be looking at Jean-Pierre Leaud circa 1962. Mmmmyes.

lightning bolt! lightning bolt! lightning bolt!,
katie b

Back by Papal Decree...

Since TotesUmbrellas is probably your only news source, I thought you should know that there's a new Pope (yah, the other dude kicked the bucket a couple weeks ago). His name's like Pope Eggs Benedict XLIIDCVDP or something. Whatevs. Not important.

Speaking of the news, how sad is it that NYTimes.com received a record number of hits in March because of the Terry Shiavo case? She's the new gay marriage, obvi.

I guess Broke Social Scene thinks putting out two albums a year is for pussies, because by this time next year they will have released three new disks. 'We accumulated over 200 minutes of music,' Drew told Pitchfork yesterday, 'and we're trying to figure out what to do with it all.' ...How about donating it to charity?

Since we Americans "don't know how to have a good time," Paul McCartney is going to reeducate us when he begins a 28-date tour on September 16th. Cool. We just got dissed by a 62 year old Brit.

Phewph. At least God is still stronger than American Idol.

I hate people.

Aww, Katie Holmes and I are like totes the same person! We both like to sit at home and avoid people. It's a good thing too, because after all the shitty movies that she's put us through, 1/2 of America would try to drown her in Dawson's Creek if she left the house.

Even after Harriet Tubman and Abe Lincoln helped emancipated her, Mimi still hates her ex. Regarding seeing him recently at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, she said it was "just weird." Translated into Wespeak: "it was awkward."

What has become of the world?! Old Navy is selling flip-flops for 20 bucks! Oh, capitalism, you always get the best of us.

We've all been there: waking up in the mid-afternoon to a hovering mother and having to exaplin, "But, Mom, I didn't mean to puke all over your Laura Ashley curtains. I had no idea how much I drank." Obviously, Dr. White is right. We do need serving-size information on our liquor. That'll curb teen binge drinking once and for all!

New Music Tuesday!

I won't name names, but Joe John hates Matchbox Twenty. However, I don't and neither should you. This is why you should buy Something to Be, Rob Thomas' solo album. Yah there are revolving urinals in the "Lonely No More" video. Get over it.

Ok, Kelly Osbourne, you've become strangely hott recently, and the 80s synth sound on your album is pretty cool... too bad your voice ruins it. Sorry.

Eww. Russell Crowe sounds like that dude from Creed!

So I guess "artista invitado" means "featuring" in Spanish. That's neat. But Alejandro Sanz was not a good artista to invitado, Shakira.

iTunes SparkNotes:
Get:
Something to Be -Rob Thomas
"Under Pressue" -The Used/My Chemical Romance (shut up! I know this one's from last week. But it rocks my socks off, and Mariah monopolized last Tuesday. The stupid ho.)
"90s One Hit Wonders" -iTunes Essentials

Don't Get:
One World EP -Kelly Osbourne
"Raewyn" (Single) -Russell Crowe
"La Tortura (artista invitado Alejandro Sanz)" -Shakira

And that is how Regina George died,
Justin

A short post fo' all my shawties and hoes in different area codes...

Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives tells us that the best gift you can give your friends is an orgasm.

Speaking of orgasms, Lindsay Lohan wants to cum first. Ok, so the song "First" exclaims "I wanna come first!" multiple times...but I'm sure there's no sexual undertones to it. The song has replaced "Speak" as the third single off of her album...which is also called Speak. The single will also be the first single off the Herbie: Fully Loaded soundtrack. There were rumors previously that Lindsay was going to cover that 80s song "Life is a Highway" by some one-hit wonder guy. I don't like Lindsay as a blonde.

Alanis Morissette decides to rejuvenate her career by re-releasing the songs that made her famous.

Missy Elliott has a new album called The Cook Book. You can listen to clips of two new songs on her website. The album features Ciara, who is not a man, and never was.

Morrissey teapot anyone?

Mimi got emancipated and now she's knockin' 50 out of the number one spot!

MP3 TIME!

Here's a demo by Franz Ferdinand that didn't make the album...
Franz Ferdinand-Can't Stop the Feeling

This song comes from a record label that pretty much sucks...but it's got a pretty amazing soul vibe. While it's reminiscent of Mo-town, I think I'd rather have Mo-town itself.
Jamie Lidell- Multiply

English people are weird...This song is by a 12 year-old singing about the imagination.
Ricky Wilde- I Am an Astronaut
(both of the last two courtesy of fluxblog)

I like this song...and this song title.
The Hypertonics- Don't Marry the One You Love, Marry the One Who Loves You
For a whole lot more songs by The Hypertonics, go here.

Can't get enough Colin Meloy? I know I can't. Download Tarkio. What I've listened to is incredible.
Tarkio- Sister Nebraska
Download the album here.

Go Here for a whole shitload of tracks from a live show by The Shins. Then go listen to The Garden State soundtrack you pansy.

Woman get me a beer, Beer get me a woman...
-Joe John

RESSURECTION DANCE PARTY

You guys, I'm a nice person. I enjoy talking to most people. I like this school lots. So please believe me when I tell you that no one, not even me, is ever prepared for the amount of pep required to work Wesfest weekend. As a result, the internet and I have not put in any quality time since Wednesday, and I apologize.

I just stopped in to make you feel real guilty for missing last night's senior recital, "God vs. The Management, part II". They laid "Kids" to rest in the chapel, with at least 300 kids on their feet. Last respects dance party = so good. Fists in the air. If you brought a prefrosh and they were not convinced, ship them home. If you have pictures, let me know.

A piece of mocon gossip from a chatty ny prefrosh: Mary Kate rocks it AA style. Vodka is a sometimes food, sweetheart.

Developing: Chromeo's "Needy Girl" video-themed party. Get your white jeans, black socks, mustaches and cell phones ready.

Next weekend: The Chromeo / Animal Collective one-two punch. Fuck yes.

I am forgetting a million things but I am updating from an admissions computer and people are getting suspicious,
kb

Michael, Mischa, and Austin rode the Acela together, while Paris, Natalie, and Bo— having just seen Star Wars III— got some KFC and listened to Fiddy.

You know Boccaccio's Decameron? Come on, it's the Medieval tale of people who are running from the plague. They tell each other stories à la The Canterbury Tales. No? Still doesn't ring a bell, you uncultured swine? Well, they're making it into a movie, and Mischa Barton's gonna be in it. I hear that if it doesn't do well, they'll rerelease it with her making out with girls.

I've always wanted to ride one of the Acela trains. They seem so European. I mean, it saves like 15 minutes on the trip between New York and D.C. and only costs $1500 for steerage. Me+AmTrak=babies. Oh, but read the fine print. Brakes cost extra.

Most people take out a loan to pay off huge legal fees. Not Michael Jackson. He's selling his half of The Beatles' catalogue. Nice. Now Sony/ATV will own the whole thing, and we'll never see it on iTunes. Damn you, Jacko! I don't know what you ever saw in The Beatles anyway. They're way too old for you.

Didn't think you'd need to hit up TicketMaster to see Star Wars III, did ya? Actually, you still won't have to, but you can preorder your tickets through AMC. And if you do this, don't tell me. I will give you a wedgie.

I miss you, Austin

There will never be another Austin, but Project Runway 2 parties must be had nonetheless. The big question now is: when will the show debut? RealityTVWorld.com tries to give some answers. But they don't. However, if you're a fashion designer in the LA, Houston (Does fashion even exist is Texas?), NY, or Miami areas, check out the casting call dates!

50 Cent has been shot 9 times, and loves to show off that he can count that high. England isn't amused.

Paris Hilton thinks Nicole Richie is moldy and boring. That's why she's outie for The Simple Life 4: Maui. Who could ever match Nicole's stellar vixen abilities? Why Rod Stewart's lil' girl Kimberly, of course. Addressing questions about Nicole's departure, Lachlan Murdoch News Corporation’s Deputy Chief Operating Officer said, "We at Fox feel like what America wants are less 'ethnics' and more rich white girls.*" I couldn't agree with you more, Lauchy. Well said.

One of my sources recently informed me that Bo Bice, the bestest American Idoler ever, is engaged! And it's a shotgun...engagement. Premarital sex is the new "I'm saving myself for Jesus."

I'm pissed. Natalie Portman, the woman of my dreams is shaving her head for V For Vendetta. Great. Now the woman of my dreams is going to look like a British man.

Eat at KFC? Dorothy "Pussycat" Petrillo Zbornak Hollingsworth (no joke. that's her character's name.) from The Golden Girls hates you. Whatevs. All I ever get there are the pudding cups, which are chicken-free....I think.

I broke muh shoe,
Justin

*J/K. Don't sue my ass, News Corp. You scare me.

Thank God it's Blog-day

THE WORLD IS ENDING...AGAIN! You may recall the first apocalypse when we discovered that there will be a sequel to Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. But now...BUT NOW...a combination of two of my least favorite things. ADAM SANDLER and MUSICALS! Yeah, no joke. The Wedding Singer is going to be a musical. I am thankful that it at least wasn't a musical based off of Billy Madison with songs like, "Shampoo is Better!" Broadway is screwed these days.

If that's not enough to make you cringe, the fabulous Lindsay Lohan is being courted to be in a staged production of 90s teen flick Clueless. I sincerely hope the Lohan makes the right decision. I mean, doesn't Barry Weissler know that Lindsay is too much of an "it" girl to do staged productions?

Britney is expecting a baby girl! Maybe she can follow in mama's footsteps and marry her back-up dancer too! The name of choice is Lynne, after Brit's mama.

Britney Spears is playing at my house...

Fans of Freaks and Geeks will delight in the existence of The 40 Year-Old Virgin!

Nick Carter?

Wanna see that guy who isn't Ben Stiller from Dodgeball in his underwear? I do.

Well, I'm glad Ashton Kutcher isn't addicted to Viagra...aren't you?

Fantasia from American Idol is not only a baby-mama, but she's also going to be a guest star on The Simpsons.

You may recall the rivalry between Biggie and Tupac...you may even be cool enough to know that The Killers have beef with The Bravery, but now Tom Green is stirring up trouble with Martin Short. Does anyone else notice that we haven't heard anything about Tom Green since "The Bum Bum Song"?

Mischa Barton loves kissing girls! Ok, maybe not...but she'd rather make out with chicks on screen than dudes.

So now that ODB is dead, MTV says people are going to listen to his music.

"I'm going to make everyone famous!"- Lil Jon...the most influential man of our times. Soon, he will work with Whitney Houston. I look forward to the diva going from soulful ballads to crunked up jams.

MP3 TIME!

No date for Queer Prom? Spring Fever getting to you? Feeling...lonely? This jam is popular amongst the kids apparently...I also included the original version so we can take it back to 1964.
Akon- Lonely
Bobby Vinton- Lonely

Hey, you wanna hear a techno version of White Lion's "When the Children Cry"? Then do you want to come over and cry...with me?
Mark Oh- When the Children Cry

Bathe in the toilet bowl! I think actual Bill Cosby is just as funny as House of Cosbys. I think it might be ironic fun...but it's still fun. Not quite as much guilty pleasure as this game here.
Bill Cosby- My Brother Russell

Guess what? Tonight there will be so many drinks in the kizzup and I will probably not give a fizzuck.
R. Kelly & Ray J- Quit Actin'
You all HAVE to hear the remix to "In the Kitchen"...R. Kelly basically talks for a minute about why people need to stop giving him shit and I'd totally do it as a monologue if I auditioned for Acting I.

This song is very reminiscent of The Postal Service's "Nothing Better" given the dual male/female vocals and electronic music.
Figurine- Way Too Good

Hey! The genre of "indie hip-hop" generally sucks...but this song is pretty sweet.
APSCI- Bike Messenger Diaries

JAM OF MY LIFE: This is the best obscenely long song title since "If You Died I Wouldn't Cry Because You Never Loved Me Anyways" by Mya...AND IT'S SO CATCHY.
The Strip Squad- If You Don't Take Me Right Away You Might As Well Fuck Off

Lil Jon needs to pass me some crunk juice so I can get famous,
Joe John

Since when did I become popular!?!

Wow, I got a lot of feedback from members of the blogosphere on that last entry...

I'd just like to publicly apologize for calling ben lame. I'm actually quite a fan of his blog! I think we should give him a link spot in the side panel...and the right to call us lame if he ever wants to.

I'd have to agree that MTV's Hip-Hopera "Carmen" was MONUMENTAL. When else would you get to see Beyonce, Mos Def, Wyclef Jean, Da Brat, Rah Diggah, and that guy from Save the Last Dance...all in one movie!?! Hip-hop and OPERA! Why didn't this concept catch on after that? I say we write our own hip-hopera at totesumbrellas...just WAIT...I promise it'll happen...even if I have to write it myself.

A cause for celebration, a bit of blogification...

It was promised that I would write an entry about Mimi's emancipation. While I have supported Mariah Carey and bought the album through iTunes, I cannot give a full review until a later date. Mimi has been emancipated, but has she really been? This seems to be the question the media is asking us. My opinion is that if she chooses the right singles, she can make a come-back. In conclusion, the "right singles" should include "Your Girl". Then, and only then, will Mariah be freed from the chains of Charmbracelet and Glitter.

Now, on to the really important news in today's world...

Russell Barlow '06 still has a famous brother who is blogged about hardcore.

When Orlando Bloom says that Brad Pitt helped him through a rough time, he clearly meant that they had LOTS of butt sex...

I hate to dork out on you, but how come no one told me Juggernaut was the new villain for X-Men 3!?! Bitches.

Oh, so I found out that the Kanye West tracks I posted before were actually taken from various mix-tapes and NOT from the new album. The guy who posted them is lame. Sorry kids...not my fault. OH, also the new Fiona Apple is actually just songs taken from her mix-tapes with DJ Clue and Funkmaster Flex. J/k! In conclusion, new Fiona=real and the new Kanye=actually Kanye but not his new album. BTW, the Fiona leaker got BUSTED. Not in the Pink is the New Blog kind of way but for REALZORZ!

Why was Charisma Carpenter (aka Cordelia of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel) important enough to talk at the crowning of playmate of the year!? I mean, she got all naked for Playboy, but she said absolutely nothing in her "speech". If you watch a little longer, you'll get to see how bad pretty people with big boobs are at acceptance speeches. Carmella Decesare obvi didn't take classes on public speaking in high school. She clearly knew that her boobs would get her where she is today.

The Olsen Twins are designing furniture. I know I want to lean back in a Mary-Kate armchair. I can't wait until it goes on sale!

Jennifer Lopez almost got into a car accident because of the paparazzi. Apparently she "got goosepimples." Word on the street...from my cousin's cousin, who is a dermatologist for famous people, is that J. Lo also has pimples elsewhere...like her butt!

Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs has released a new single through iTunes which appears in a commercial by Adidas. There's a good remix here...and three low quality MP3s of the song here, but if you like it that much you are supporting big corporations and sweat shops more than you're supporting Karen O. I just listened to it and I suddenly want to go buy some Adidas Superstar 35s...

Speaking of creepy commercials, Burger King's "Wake Up With the King" ads always get to me. If you've seen the first one, this guy wakes up in bed with the Burger King after clearly having had a one night stand. The newest ad isn't quite as creepy, but...well, actually it is.

The new Black Eyed Peas album is to feature Justin Timberlake, Sting, Jack Johnson, James Brown, and John Legend. I don't know about you, but I'm worried. I'm especially worried after hearing the clip of "Don't Phunk with My Heart" on iTunes. I guarantee the new Peas album will feature 200% more Fergie than ever. Does anyone else but me realize that she didn't EXIST in the beginning of the Black Eyed Peas? She just popped up out of NOWHERE for Elephunk.

Amy Rosen '07 tried to send a mass e-mail out to a bunch of people for Midsummer, which goes up this weekend. SEX AND SHAKESPEARE!!! Well, the e-mail said, "Be there and be aroused". Dan Fox '05 was on the list. Unfortunately, Dan's e-mail is not dfox@wesleyan.edu. As a result, an alumni replied, "I'd love to be aroused, but at my age I don't think it'd be good for my heart."

Am I the only person in the world who'd be tempted to buy a Gund version of Paris Hilton's Tinkerbell? I just think it'd be awesome to walk around with it in my purse or cleavage...SHIT! I have neither a purse OR cleavage!

Beyonce is trying to make more bad-movie history...

I wish that this could be for real. G-g-g-g-unit meets gmail.

You think if I wrote a letter to Britney Spears that she would let me get all up in her hotel room to interview her? NOOOOOO. But if I was a ten year-old schoolgirl...she would. Fuck you Veronica You. Fuck you.

MP3 TIME!

If you enjoy choral arrangements of 90s grunge rock then this goes out to you! This is surprisingly haunting...
The Scala Choir- Smells Like Teen Spirit

This is a song about a guy called "Lucky"...
Actually it's a song about a guy whose bitching about being too old and how he'll never be famous or cool because of it. Poor guy.
Herman Dune- Not on Top

I can't decide whether it's amazing or annoying to jam 11 musical artists into less than 2 minutes. This mash-up includes AC/DC, The Cure, David Bowie, Wham!, Katrina and the Waves, Cold Chisel, Corey Hart, Bobby McFerrin, The Police, Prince, and Paul McCartney...
Close to Me [Close to Me (Don't Stand So)]

Remember in 6th grade when girls would talk in gibberish and you wouldn't know the secret to the language and be really sad? No...you were one of those girls who knew it? Damn, well...now there's a song about talking in gibberish so your parents don't know you're boinking...
Cassius Henry- Gibberish

The Decemberists try to be Bjork. Some like to call these cover songs.
The Decemberists- Human Behaviour

I love when Vocal Debauchery does Kate...I mean the song! Here is a version of the song that has strings in it. I kind of like it more than the original. If you're a lover of Ben Folds Five, check out this site for rare tracks.
Ben Folds Five- Kate (w/ strings)

If this song isn't rockin' your brain yet...you lose...a lot. It's old news by now.
Smoosh- Massive Cure

I posted this up there somewhere, but here it is again.
Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Hello Tomorrow (Ekstra remix)

We're kickin' it tonight, Make sure your skirt is tight,
Joe John

This Just In

Breaking news, y'all: Britney Spears is preggers!!!

So the rumors were true. (Thanks, Allison, for the tip!) Maybe I'll get to meet Fetus Spears someday and compliment him on his blog.

I'm so excited that I can't type straight.

It's Like This, Y'all

Well, Mimi was emancipated this morning. No, the fat woman from Drew Carey wasn't released from prison; Mariah released her new album, and I hear that it doesn't suck as much as Glitter or Charmbracelet. But I won't say anymore. I think I'll leave this one up to Joe John...because I honestly couldn't care less.

Get pumped, guys, because the Backstreet Boys' new video is element themed (and thus not at all cliché). Director Joseph Kahn commented, "The approach was for me to get out of the way of the Backstreet Boys and their audience and simplify the video down to the bare bones so [that it would be] a love letter to their fans." I don't get it. Since when does "bare bones"=love letter? I thought it meant we-aren't-going-to-pump-any-money-into-this-washed-up-90s-boy-band. Silly me.

Wait. This is fat?

It seems like Mandy Moore's been hitting up the candy jar a little too often. Is a size 8 really that fat? Women's sizes don't make sense to me. At least ours are in inches.

So everyone's always joking about how Mel Gibson should make a sequel to The Passion of the Christ. Hasn't anyone ever heard the old proverb "be careful what you joke about, because it might come true?" Just look what you've done! If he makes one more after this, he could create the Holy Men Who Die At The End Of The Film To No One's Surprise Trilogy.

There goes the neighborhood! Yup, Wisteria Lane is about to get its token black family. Alfre Woodard, of the blockbuster smash Beauty Shop, will join Desperate Housewives at the end of this season. Oh, by the way, she's a single mom...just like all black women! Let's see here. We've got the O.C.D. and crazy white women, the over-sexed Latina, the gay son...now all this show needs is a witty Jewish family and an Asian woman to move in and open a Sally Beauty. Then it'll be just like the real world.

Remember, kids, a cookie is a sometimes food,
Justin

ooooooh, say it ain't so-oo

A sampling from President Bush's iPod; some songs were selected by Mark McKinnon, the chief media strategist in the 2004 campaign:
John Fogerty, "Centerfield"
Van Morrison, "New Biography," "Brown Eyed Girl"
John Hiatt, "Circle Back"
Alan Jackson
George Jones
Alejandro Escovedo, "Castanets"
Joni Mitchell, "(You're So Square) Baby, I Don't Care"
The Gourds, "El Paso"
Blackie and the Rodeo Kings, "Swinging From the Chains of Love"
Stevie Ray Vaughan, "The House is Rockin'
James McMurtry, "Valley Road"
The Thrills, "Say It Ain't So"
The Knack, "My Sharona"


Clearly this dude planted these songs on Bush's iPod in anticipation of the most important question there is: "what's on your ipod?" (this is where I would put a link to the advent of the term "playlistism" to convince myself that MTV2 really was biting my stizz with that stupid show, but it disappeared from the argus arhives!)

THE THRILLS? I do not believe it is possible that such a stupid, joyless man can enjoy the Thrills. Also, "My Sharona" is a dirty song about a little girl and now it will always remind me of an old white dude riding his bike around a ranch. And since it is 17 minutes long, we'll all have a lot of time to think about what we've done.

I'll let the boys take new music Tuesdays, but in the meantime watch this trailer. It's a documentary about urban kids training for a ballroom dancing competition. You guys have to help me fill the film board suggestion box with votes for "Mad Hot Ballroom."

This weekend is Wesfest, so I've got more people to take care of than your mom this week. Enjoy the festivities.

Last night I had 3 separate dreams wherein I got 3 separate housing lottery numbers,
kb

I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair, she'd look like a British man...a British man who raps about the politics of hip hop.

Mean Girls party was SO FETCH! If you missed it, you missed a whole lot of people I didn't know doing our jello shots. Incredible if you ask me. Jess Lane = best costume ever.

Just a quick post because I thought this song was particularly amazing...

Goldie Lookin Chain- Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do

Condie, Fran, and Jessica watch MTV Overdrive while Seth pretends to have testosterone

It's true that Condie should be celebrated. I mean, she's got the gap-teeth, the frumpy Chanel power suits, and a secret love affair with Dubya, but this is going too far.

As if it's not bad enough that we all have to see Paris Hilton in House of Wax (that's right, folks, it's mandatory), now she's got her own podcast. We get to "join Paris and friends as she shops, parties, poses and publicizes" before the big movie. Boy howdy, that's hot!

Did anyone notice the strangely-masculine moment at the beginning of The O.C. last night? Ya know, when all the men are in the kitchen talking about the possibility of Ryan and Marexa hooking up? What was that all about? Seth's not supposed to be masculine. He's supposed to only talk about comics, Penguin, and whiny indie rock. This show's going down hill fast.

A least she can't talk with a dick in her mouth

How would you like this lovely lady to go down on you? Well, Fran Drescher, a/k/a The Nanny, loves the cock. Furthermore she loves sucking on it....in class! Maybe it'll help her sinuses?

Are you so pumped about Jessica Simpson palying Daisy Duke that you'd endure 18 Newlyweds episodes in one sitting just for a sneak peek? Well, if you're really that lame, then you're probably lame enough to get excited about the Dukes of Hazzard trailer play-by-play.

As if MTV doesn't have enough channels, they've announced the addition of another one, but this time it's online. MTV Overdrive "will include six separate channels of programming including highlights of the day's programming, such as music, news and film trailers; exclusive, four-times-a-day news updates; behind-the-scenes access to original MTV television programming; a movies channel including film trailers and celebrity interviews; and, of course, plenty of music." It's set to launch on August 25th, just in time for someone to get me a subscription for my birthday. Thanks in advance!

Post Scriptum: Mean Girls party tomorrow night. It's an official Facebook party, y'all. Be there...unless you have a lot of feelings.

Post Post Scriptum: You clicked that Dukes of Hazzard link didn't you, lame-face!? Haha! Loser.

Happy Birthday Tom Chase!

So I was thinking the other day about how I wish there was a website sort of like the facebook, but if only it could be a little more personally invasive! JUST THEN, four douchey-sounding dudes from Williams brought us iVenster. You enter your weekly shcedule, and your buddies can know where you are at all times. Also you can see how many people have entered the same event, so you know where the most popular parties will be at!!! This is good for me because I don't like talking or interacting with people, but I do want the internet to know that I'll be taking a shit tomorrow morning at 9am. Maybe if we all put that, other schools will think that it is our most popular party and WOULDN'T THAT BE HILARIOUS? No really this is a stupid idea. Saturday, 11pm: beating up tools from Williams.

Muppets to America's Youth: YOU ARE TOO FAT. Cookie monster declared the Janice Dickinson of children's television, tells your lardass kids that cookies are a "sometimes food," not an "always food." Thankfully unrelated to the annoying "C is for Crunk" shirt that girl in my History of Rock class always wears.

Sony's got a patent for "a device that fires pulses of ultrasound at the head to modify firing patterns in targeted parts of the brain, creating 'sensory experiences' ranging from moving images to tastes." Look, as soon as we can taste movies, the following offer will stand: I will give you 5 bucks to watch "Delicatessen."

July 5: Sufjan Stevens releases the next (74 minute) installment in his quest to write an album about all 50 states. Like the quarters thing, but with more banjos and no cardboard display case. But I told you that to tell you this: Track 03: Come on! Feel the Illinoise! Gets me everytime.

I'd tell you about last night's fresh O.C., but I skipped it to see the senior thesis adaptations of As I Lay Dying and Lolita. You will go to the box office tomorrow, and you will be 15 minutes early, and you will see these plays. There is not much I would recommend getting up early on a Saturday for, but there are only 20 seats per show, and tickets go onsale at 10am. Fucking best.

Last night I ate at Mocon and it was delicious,
katie b

Whoops.

Wow, I'm slackin'. I totally forgot iTunes New Music Tuesday! I guess you'll just have to settle for iTunes One Day Old Music Wednesday:

For all you lazy hipsters out there who hate investigating new bands on your own, Music from The O.C. Mix 4 has a nice sampling of kinda-old-and-less-cool-b/c-of-it indie rock.

iTunes now has the Smashing Pumpkins catalogue! Yah, what's-his-face has the worst voice EVER, but it's still one of my fav 90s bands.

Why are there 9 remixes of Fantasia's "It's All Good"? No remix could make this song better. Why bother? Speaking of Fantasia, I wonder if she ever got that shoe fixed...

Everyone should buy "Incomplete" by the Backstreet Boys just because it's fun to look at the album art and ponder how long it'll be before they all get run over. J-walking is a terrible thing.

iTunes SparkNotes:
Get:
Elevator- Hot Hot Heat
anything Smashing Pumpkins!!
Music from the O.C. Mix 4

Don't Get:
Now What- Lisa Marie Presley
"It's All Good" (Remixes)- Fantasia
"Incomplete" -Backstreet Boys
Extraordinary Faith: Celebrating 10 Years- Women of Faith

Top of the Pops

Happy Belated Krfao Day! (It was yesterday). I have no idea what this holiday entails, but it has the coolest, most unpronounceable name ever! And no, I didn't trip and face-plant on the keyboard. That's actually its real name.

And since it's such a glorious day, let's see who we should be celebrating, shall we?

Birthdays:
Thomas "I'm no stuffed tiger, yo" Hobbes (1588), Colin "my first name makes fun of itself" Powell (1937), and Pharrell "out of this world" Williams (1973)

Deaths:
Howard "TWA Flight 800" Hughes (1976) and Kurt "Teen Spirit" Cobain (1994)

Want to smack that douche in your Econ class who pops his collar? Think all Wesgirls are fugly? Are you a member of only 998 Facebook groups and want to hit the big 1-k? Then this Wespeak is for you, my friend!

Maybe if I dress in tin foil kids will like me. Kids like tin foil.

Eww! Michael Jackson used to shack up with the help['s little boy]! So not classy. Anyway, the kid would visit MJ at his Hollywood apartment to watch cartoons. "During these times, he testified, Jackson would tickle him, innocently at first, but eventually less so when he was around 6 or 7 years old." Get with the program, kid. 6 or 7 is like totally legal nowadays. Stupid-ass prude.

Speaking of kiddies, Britney's got one of the way (maybe). Better yet, the kid-to-be's got a blog! My big question is why I can't get WiFi in Olin's periodicals room, but this fetus' got it in Brit's uterus. Priorities, people.

Ever wondered how cool you are? How much sex appeal you have? If people think your nose is too big? Well, if you're a celebrity, Q Scores has the 411. I wish they'd call me up for my opinion. I just watched VH1's All Access: Paris Hilton, and I've got a few things to say.

Aww, cute. Steve Madden Ltd. is getting pumped up about Steve's return....FROM PRISON! Whatevs. It's been done before. April's issue of Martha Stewart Living, anyone? Oh. Ok. I guess I'm the only housewife here.

And now for the remix!

I always do this. My favorite track on the album becomes the single (or at least the second single). I did it with The Killers, and now I'm doing it with Bloc Party. Ugh, stuff like this makes me feel so un-hipster.
"This Modern Love (Dave P & Adam Sparkles Making Time Remix)" -Bloc Party

"Goodies" + M.I.A. = euphoria
"Goodies (Richard X Remix)" -Ciara feat. M.I.A.

BIG LESBIAN CRUSHES!

The Mean Girls party is this Saturday. It should start around regular Wes party time (app. 11pm) at lo-rise B2. Dress up as your favorite character...extra points go out to people who choose obscure characters. I ask two things from you...
-If you want to be in the burn book, comment and say so.
-Songs that you would like to hear that fall in the categories of girl pop, misogynistic hip-hop, and objectification of women.

You know what's only ONE WEEK away!?!
MIMI'S EMANCIPATION!!!!
That's right, Mariah Carey's new album The Emancipation of Mimi is dropping a week from now. It will no doubt save her career...or at least make her have one again. "Your Girl" is the equivalent of ol' skool Mariah meeting Kanye West. Strangely, he didn't produce the song...but does make a guest appearance as a producer on the album. Definitely check out the album on iTunes next Tuesday, even if it's just for irony's sake.

Ashley Olsen has a new pup. They were seen canoodling around West 13th Street. I mean, if that dog was peoples, he would be famous by association. Also, get your shag on with the Olsens!

If only I could dance like Jean Claude Van Damme.

Ever want video flash-cards for Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire". Here you go...

Britney Spears wants to get done up by a plumber on Desperate Housewives. They said no. Speaking of Brit, her and her hubby are going Nick and Jessica on us. That's right. Britney Spears. Reality television. The difference here is that Kevin Federline isn't a celebrity has-been...he's a celebrity never-was.

While we're on the subject of old flames, which we weren't really on in the first place...J. Timberlake is going to be in the next Die Hard movie...

This is quite possibly the funniest thing that's ever happened to gay men EVER. I suggest that Wesleyan takes a homo-bus with all the single gay boys (which is slowly becoming rare for some curious reason) to the nearest Abercrombie & Fitch to hit on the salesboys.

Jamie Foxx is ridic. His new album (yes, I mean, he is actually singing) will be "for the ladies". It will feature 50 Cent, which is enough incentive to buy any album these days apparently.

May 20 at 8 p.m...Ashanti. Queen Latifah. Miss Piggy. The Muppets version of The Wizard of Oz is airing on ABC...This is surely going to be a good time.

Mel C of The Spice Girls apparently thinks she still has a career. She's also scared of Pink, the singer. Is Pink even still making music? Whatever...if Gwen Stefani makes music with Mel C, I might cry.

BLOGS ARE SOOOOOOOOO GAY!!!!
That's right. If you are a heterosexual man reading this, you're slowly going to want some peen more and more. I mean, if you're a heterosexual female, how did you even find out what a blog is!?! I mean, Kelly Clarkson doesn't know what one is...

Speaking of Kelly, there are rumors that Wesleyan's humor a cappella group Waiting in Line will do "Since U Been Gone". You should all comment about how awesome that'd be...and then maybe it will happen.

MP3 TIME!!!!

I can't believe we haven't blogged this yet. This track is rockin'.
A.C. Newman- Miracle Drug

I don't think these songs are on the album...I <3 style="font-weight: bold;">M.I.A. I've been humming "10 Dollar" every second of my waking life.
M.I.A.- Zombie
M.I.A.- Do Ya
M.I.A.- Untitled

This is INCREDIBLE. A mash-up with Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth".
Belinda the Punk Rocker

By the time Gimme Fiction is released, the entire album will be blogged...
Spoon- Revenge!

I came across this song, opinions would be appreciated. I kind of feel like this is the way I feel some days.
Spring Factory- Get Out of Bed

Courtesy of gum, this track is a little late but amazing...
Gregory Gray- The Pope Does Not Smoke Dope