24 December 2005

terrible teevee

Christmas Eve for me means spending an entire day in front of the TV wishing that I had something better to do. While spending hours flipping from the Home Shopping Network to ABC Family to the Growing Up Gotti marathon, I came across some pretty terrible things. Here's my top three:

1. The new Splenda ad campaign.

Now, anyone who has ever met me knows that I'm obsessed with Splenda. Screw sugar: that's so 90s. DietCokeSplenda? Amazing. Pillsbury sugar-free cookies sweetened with Splenda? I could eat my weight in them. But the new Splenda ads sketch me out:

Where's my "Splenda Daddy"? I need new shoes.

I just...uhh...think that the double entendre is too much. Sorry. I'd still do Splenda off of Lindsay's boobs any day.

2. Raven on Food Network.

This afternoon I was wrapping presented for my family while watching TV (duh) when stupidass Raven just had to take me on a magical tour of Christmas at Disney World. Ugg (not the footwear). SO annoying. SO sassy. Where does she get off telling me how to spend my Disney Christmas. Now that she's a "superstar" she thinks she the next Jesus. Well, you know what?! Jesus wasn't black, and he didn't have a vagina. Or sass! So there.

3. Comcast's new slogan.

"It's Comcastic"? Are you kidding me?! Please tell me that this is the result of a poorly-planned slogan contest at a Mississippi preschool. God, there's even a website. As if I needed another reason to hate my cable company. I wonder if the sales-reps are required to say "Comcastic!" whenever someone calls to order a new service.

My Splenda Daddy is So Comcastic,


Joe John said...

Meanwhile, I am watching the Degrassi Christmas episode for the fifth time of my life. Justin! I miss you! And good television.

Katey said...

God, every time a Comcast commercial comes on I want to throw something at the screen. Their promise of "high-speed internet" leaves out the part where your internet goes down several times a week.

I've been watching Lost on DVD and my sister's TiVoed episodes of Friends. Oh, and my mom got a TV in the kitchen, so I'm cooking WHILE WATCHING THE FOOD NETWORK. Life is grand.