TotesUmbrellas

So you've decided that you don't want to ring in the New Year alone....again. Where are you to turn? Classifieds are sketchy, and Match.com takes so much time/effort (just trust me). Oh, and Missed Connections? Forgettaboutit.

Well, ladies, here's your chance to hook-up with famous rockstar (one generation removed) Sean Lennon:

Like a virgin

He posted his criteria on Page Six, because everyone knows that tabloids are where the high-quality ladies are at:

• Must have been born female (damn!)
• Between the ages of 18 and 45
• An IQ of 130+
• Honest
• No clinical or psychological disorders
• A kind heart
• No physical deformities

God, celebs are so picky! If only, if only.

Everyday is go Astroboy,
Justin