18 December 2005

introducing...

part one
THE TOP TEN BEST BAD MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN
You know what I mean...those movies that you recognize are completely terrible...but can't stop talking about.

10. Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the Ring (imdb):


I'm no connoisseur when it comes to Lord of the Rings, so this probably wasn't as funny as it should have been. Ok, the thing is...it's not really funny or clever at all. The humor is incredibly vulgar...including a main character called Dildo Saggins, who is a "throbbit". The other thing is...it's softcore porn. And it's not sexy. At all. You find yourself wanting to fastforward through the sex scenes because they're boring. "Man! They're licking boobs...again???" I'm not just saying that for obvious reasons. The funny thing is...I heard about this from my cousin who was 14 at the time. She was like, "I turned on some movie channel one night and I thought I was watching Lord of the Rings, because I just didn't really know what it was about. Then it turned out to be porn." Then I watched it when I was in Alpha Delt. Obviously. No offense, but where else would I have seen this!?!

Rating: zero boners

My Precious,
Joe John

2 comments:

mell said...

Have you seen Jack Frost (1 or 2)? And no, I'm not talking about the Michael Keaton family movie, I'm talking about the B-horror movie featuring a bunch of never-heard-from-again actors and Shannon Elizabeth as the resident slut of Snowmantown (who actually gets raped by a snowman in possibly the best scene of the movie). Check it out--it deserves to be on any best bad movie list.

Anonymous said...

Lord of the G-Strings is awesome. Actually, it's terrible. You're right, the sex scenes are incredibly boring. When I caught it on Cinemax I actually flipped channels during the sex then came back when the movie started up again. As far as I can tell the whole thing was just an excuse for the director(s) to bring a bunch of nerdy friends in for the fight scenes.

Nat