06 October 2005

news you already heard about...but more

By now, you probably heard about Lindsay Lohan's car crash. You may have even seen pictures...but this is just absurd.

"Lindsay Lohan: More on the star of Mean Girls who is turning out to be just that ... mean. The man who was driving the van that Lohan's Benz struck told Access Hollywood that the actress never even checked on his condition after their collision. Not only did Lohan ignore him at the scene of the crime, she has not checked on his physical condition since then. 40-year-old Raymundo Ortega said, "if she wants to call me to ask how I am doing, that would be good. But if she doesn't, then I'll leave it on her conscience because honestly, she doesn't even know my name." Here's a legal question for my readers: Can Lohan be charged with leaving the scene of an accident since she never even tried to find out if the man she hit was dead or alive?"- Source

In conclusion: Lindsay Lohan = Vanessa Volpe
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You may have also heard that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting a baby. What you probably haven't heard is that Katie is going to do the entire thing without drugs and silently. Scientologists believe that the sounds of pain from a mother will traumatize a child at birth. They must not realize how traumatizing it is to emerge FROM A VAGINA.

On another note, see how old Katie was at various points in Tom's career.
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Lastly, you heard long ago of Jay-Z's retirement from the rap game. You may have also noticed his guest spots on remixes and albums...and the fact that he was featured on a Memphis Bleek song that was basically his own.

Well, Jay can't leave the game because the game needs him. Expect an album before summer begins.

How could you falter when you the rock of gibralter,
Joe John

1 comment:

Justin said...

Vanessa=vaginas.