30 September 2005

just when I thought I could say all I could say...

So you may be familiar with PostSecret or notproud.com. You may have even posted on either of the two...

But if you're not an avid livejournaler, you may have not heard of the Wesleyan Anonymous Confessions Board...The confessions range from the hilarious to tragic. They even set up a supplemental blog! (No, I did NOT start this blog) The username and password is "wesconfess".

Get confessing! I have yet to do so, but maybe I'll admit that I'm starting to like HILARY DUFF more than LINDSAY LOHAN.

Speaking of Hilary...
Her label rep on her new video:
"She's always been a huge James Bond fan. She watched those movies with her sister growing up, and she loved the Bond girls, because they were always so stylish, and she's stylish. So the concept is that this video has that hip sensibility of those Bond movies, and she's looking more mature."

I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO SLUT IT UP!!!

ALSO, speaking of Lindsay and confessions..."Confessions of a Broken Heart" is on First Listen at AOL.

Daddy don't trip,
Joe John

29 September 2005

hey, it could happen

I'm not going to lie to you nice folks: I write on this blog so that I can be discovered by VH1. And I don't mean that I want to be hired as the dude who writes pop-ups for Pop Up Video(which should be resurrected btdubs): I want to be a talking head, a fundit. Now it seems as if someday, somewhere, somehow this dream could become a reality. Why? Because this weekend VH1 will incorporate their first professional (?) blogger into Best Week Ever. Best of luck, Trent, and don't screw it up for the rest of us!

One step for Trent, one giant leap for blogger-kind,
Justin

28 September 2005

guess who's legal...

HILARY!
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Happy 18th Birthday HilDuff!

Let's bet on what comes next...
  • Graduation from tween roles to adult roles
  • Posing in Playboy
  • New, sexy album
  • Details about her sex life with JOEL MADDEN.
  • Lesbian porn with HAYLEY DUFF
  • Cocaine
In conclusion, will Hilary keep the good girl image, or go slut it up like Lindsay?

To the beat of my heart,
Joe John

watch it, kim

Kim may not be the only masculine model this season: allegedly Coryn, the ANTM contestant with the tragic eyebrows and suspiciously muscular arms is a dude. Er, well, was a dude. Amazing twist or blatant lie? You decide.

Do your thing on the runway,
Justin

27 September 2005

crack is wack, jack

Michael Jackson, a rapper? Wow. I don't even know what to do with this one. Daily Mail reports that MJ is planning to re-image himself as a "booty-chasing" rapper with a "harder sound". Does he really think he can go from rapping children to rap? In related news, Jackson has legally changed his name to R. Kelly.

Sex in the kitchen over by the stove,
Justin

lose that extra 300 lbs

Kathy Griffin wants divorce. If you've ever seen Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List, you probably know why: Her husband is soo weird. I mean, who in the right mind tries to trick a doctor into giving them a gastric bypass? Ok, probably a lot of people. But by putting weights in his pockets? He must have the worst doctor ever. Honestly, how could this doctor possibly diagnose anything if he doesn't even notice 15 lbs of lead in someone's pocket.

Besides, Kathy likes her gays way better.

Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend: strong bones are,
Justin

junior senior

Okay, this is just gross. Not only is the Donald married to a woman 24 years his junior, but now they're also going to have a junior. Melania Trump (I don't recall her name being so wack, bt-dubs) will pop out Trump's fifth child sometime this spring, assuming that she keeps up with her strict, Donald-enforced Botox regimen.

Oh, and from the looks of it Google is 7 years-old today.

Happy Birthday to the search-engine of our lives. Soon you won't think girls have cooties.

To be alone with me you went up on the tree,
Justin

tom cruise: lecturer

Psychology majors take note: Tom Cruise will teach you all you need to know about mental health problems. Beginning next month, Cruise will offer four lectures at the Celebrity Center International in L.A. on the topic of "solutions to mental health problems". Unfortunately, these events are only open to Scientologists and a small number of the press. Matt Lauer (I know you read this), get there early if you want a seat.

Ohh...crazy, but it feels alright,
Justin

PS Ashton and Demi got hitched on Saturday. Maybe you care more than I do (pun!).

26 September 2005

fugee-la-lame

So it was bound to happen...After years of no music together, it had to happen. A reunion of THE FUGEES? Well, yes...but more importantly a leak of the first track off their new album.

THE FUGEES- TAKE IT EASY

a) WYCLEF needs to stop existing.
b) This does not sound like something LAURYN HILL should be rapping on.
c) PRAS still exists? More importantly, did he just make a reference to "Ghetto Supastar"?
d) This is not a good first single at all. Absolutely no street cred...

Also...
More Franz for your Pantz...
FRANZ FERDINAND- OUTSIDERS

Applying some pressure to listen to...
MAXIMO PARK- POSTCARD OF A PAINTING


Mash-ups have gone too far...
BLOC PARTY vs. THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS

Why O.C., WHY???
MATT POND PA- IN THE AEROPLANE OVER THE SEA (NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL cover)

Every ghetto, every city, and suburban place I've been,
Joe John

speaking of jenny craig


Hmm. Perhaps Lindsay needs someone to tell her that her weight-gain diet worked. LiLo, you're good. Please stop.

Why can't the back-up off me,
Justin

just like heaven part two

LIL KIM is convinced that BIGGIE SMALLS is the reason she's in the slammer. Yes, you read that right. Kim believes that Biggie has altered her life from beyond the grave because she never trusted his judgment of those who surrounded her. In other news, The Naked Truth is dropping like it is too hot without ovenmits tomorrow. I am ever so riding with Kim.

In other news from beyond the grave, JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT is convinced that she saw a man staring at her in her shower. Not only did she see him, but she was convinced that he had a crush on her. This occurrence came shortly after she visited an exorcist in research for her role on Ghost Whisperers.

If good ol' Jenny took advice from our favorite pimper of rides XZIBIT, she's probably living too luxuriously...because aliens and ghosts don't fuck with the hood.

I was walking with a ghost,
Joe John

country grammar

It seems that these days, anyone remotely famous can get a reality television show. The question is...what's the allure? Well, if you take note of NEWLYWEDS, the hit show basically launched/re-launched the careers of both JESSICA SIMPSON and NICK LACHEY. Now, Jessica has risen from the bottom of the original four 90s pop princesses (Jessica - Christina - Britney - Mandy) to the very tip-top. Nick has been approached to model for Abercrombie and Fitch.

But has anyone warned those who want to document their lives that sometimes it's NOT a good idea? Someone really should have told NELLY this when he decided to take his own dive into reality TV. Is he convinced that this show will re-launch his career to "Hot in Herre" status after mediocre performance with the double-album "Sweat" and "Suit". Someone needs to tell him that more music does not equal good music...even CHRIS CARRABBA from DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL knows this. More importantly, someone needs to sit Nelly down and see if he can handle Britney and K-Fed's truth.

the one where he loses 25 pounds

MATT LEBLANC is in talks with JENNY CRAIG to lose 25 pounds for $1 million now that former "fat actress" KIRSTIE ALLEY is going to reach her weight goal soon.

Before he was damn fat.
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I miss the old Jenny Craig commercials...Sing it with me!

1-800-ninety-five-JENNY

I think I lost five pounds just saying it.

Shut up the camera adds ten pounds!,
Joe John

nintend-super cohen "i can't believe summer did that" bros. mega-3d deluxe edition

Great. Now I can experience the peer pressures of high school all over again...

Virtually.
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The O.C.: the game! Coming to a store near you.

California here we come,
Joe John

24 September 2005

leave your foot in your mouth

Kanye should just sit quietly at all times: While discussing his diverse taste in music, the producer/rapper said "I hate music where white people are trying sound black. The white music I like is white."

And this comes from a man who owns more sweater vests than my Republican grandfather.

Ebony and Ivory live together in perfect harmony,
Justin

23 September 2005

martha, martha, martha

The ratings are in, and it seems like The Domestic Goddess is having trouble conquering the domestic medium. With only 7 million viewers tuning in for the premier of Martha Stewart's new Apprentice spin-off (?), she broke a record for the franchise: the lowest ratings ever. See, she is good at everything.

The opening of "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart" didn't do much better than the premiere of NBC's "I Want to Be a Hilton" starring Mrs. Paris's Mom, which logged 6.8 million viewers in June.

You just don't fit in,
Justin

sequels by the dozen

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Oh my God! Just what I was waiting for...the WORST MOVIE EVER.

Note: Making this post is repentance for obsessively listening to "Wake Up" by HILARY DUFF.

So yesterday,
Joe John

oh, paris



Paris is under investigation by Maryland police for allegedly dealing drugs and alcohol to minors while shooting The Simple Life. Supposedly she offered teens pot and bourbon to "loosen them up." Because Simple Life needs more loose people.

Bottom line: Paris is officially a pimp. Drugs, alcohol, fancy cars, a sex tape.

P-I-M-P.

Big pimpin' we spendin' G's,
Justin

tears for fears

It seems that the world's most famous x-preggo is suffering from some serious postpartum issues. A friend of the Spears family told MSNBC.com, "Brit's mood has been up and down since she came home." The source explains that the pop diva's worried about staying chunky fo-evah and being stuck with a nasty c-section scar. However, I think those things have nothing to do with it. Britney's no self-centered bi-otch, people! She's obviously worried that the baby's going to grow up to look/act like KFed. Valid fears, Brit, especially since he almost forgot your anniversary! Like, the first one.

In other Sean Preston news, here's his new room:

This kid's gonna be soo gay.


And now two things to be excited for
(if you're cool like me)
:

  1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire posters!
  2. New Taking Back Sunday album in the works!

I'll bake you a cake and make your crib look pretty,
Justin

22 September 2005

a man in a dress doesn't look that bad

Ok, so you're probs going to be annoyed by the amount of KIM STOLZ related posts in the near future. Deal with it.

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Kim has been getting a lot of shit from people on the internet and on the show for being "too masculine". Recently, I have found a site which includes NO negative remarks about her and MUCH praise.

"Yay I want Kim to win! And that the goodness janice is gone, I wonder what twiggy is going to be like?"

"Kim has the most model potential. Bre and Nik are both really cute."

"Most of them are really pretty, but there's one or two I don't think are even cute. I think Nik, Jayla, Kim, and Lisa are the prettiest."

"kim is hot."

"Kim is the prettiest of the bunch, and I'm so glad they're replacing Janice with Twiggy."


At least we now know that we're not the only ones hoping she wins...

I'm like that only I don't kill people,
Joe John

but now i know

...what the latest from my favorite 11 and 13 year old rockers will sound like. And no...I don't mean DAHV and JOJO.
I mean SMOOSH!!!
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GUMBY & THE RAMONES

ASYA (age 13) and CHLOE (age 11) have recently done a show for Spin Online in which they performed four songs from their first album She Like Electric. After three of these songs, they debuted two new songs and one of them featured Chloe on back-up vocals. Their sophomore album is supposedly more piano-driven and less "rock-y". Watch the videos! I never want them to grow up! OH, also JASON MCGERR, the drummer from DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE and mentor to the girls since they became a band, showed up for the show. I totally wish I was still in middle school so I could go to school with these girls.

Cause maybe you should be a little happier,
Joe John

and start getting REAL

An ONTD contributor shows that not even a Cat 5 hurricane can stop The
Real World
:

The new season of The Real World is filming in Key West, but they
evacuated because of Hurrican Rita and have come up to West Palm Beach for
a week. How did I find this out? They were at this gay club, Kashmir, in
West Palm last night... And I was there! I also got hit on by the gay cast
member, too! His name is Tyler and he's from Boston. He came up to me and
told me he thought I was cute and that he wanted to kiss me... I told him
that I didn't think he was cute and that I was sorry. He walked away and
proceeded yo slip on someone's spilt beer, and he fell flat on his ass.


The Real World: Key West,
Justin

1 down, 11 to go

Bye Bitch- take yo' pretty genes home
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America's Next Top Model? Thoughts? Feelings??

Ashley had that shit coming to her...KARMA!!!!! Let's hope everyone who crosses Kim's path is ELIMINATED.

Don't get it twisted,
Joe John

21 September 2005

who looks good in plaid anyway



Poor Kate Moss. One moment she's going to be the face of Burberry, and a little cocaine later The Plaid will have nothing to do with her. Oh, well. At least she's still got Channel.

Supposedly she's "rid[ing] out the storm" in the Hamptons. Translation: she's snorting coke with the Lohans on Long Island.

We're working on it,
Justin

that's sweet...i think?

The dudes from GIRLS GONE WILD are donating all of the profits from Mardi Gras videos to Hurricane Katrina victims. I guess that's kind of nice...

Most important is the fact that this includes their most profitable video "Girls Gone Wild Doggystyle" which features the one and only SNOOP DOGG.

Fo shizzle dizzle,
Joe John

PS: We'll see about switching back to white you racist assholes. I guess we can break the rule of "Once you go black, you never go back". At least this time...

20 September 2005

i put my makeup on a saturday night

We done got a makeover! Are we hotter?

It's a bit under construction at the moment. Let us know what you like/don't like. We're still working on it!

Everytime that we make up we turn around and break up,
Joe John

U Don't Have to Call

...Because Dora will!

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Technology continues to be ridiculous. Now I can have Spongebob call and wish my friends a happy Kwanzaa all for the low price of $2.49! (Courtesy of Jenny Low)

He calls me pineapple princess,
Joe John

16 September 2005

STOP THE BOP

Have yall heard about this?

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"Stop the Bop" is a campaign by a group of kids at a Catholic school in PA to raise $3000 for Hurricane Katrina victims. Basically, this entails torturing other students and faculty by playing Hanson's "MmmBop" between periods, during lunch, etc. on the loudspeakers. Yes, it's for real.

Isn't it strange how we all feel a little weird sometimes?,
Joe John

15 September 2005

You're just like heaven...

In the blogosphere we were all awaiting one moment...and then Britney had the baby. This left us horribly unsatisfied for one reason though: We didn't know the name.

Now, the news is in! Preston Michael Spears-Federline has made his debut in the world. And if you weren't quick to pick up on the initials...that's PMS. A half-hour later a check to Pink let's me know that this is a lie! The baby's name is actually Sean Preston Spears-Federline. Damnit! I'm convinced they changed it because they were reading blogs that made fun of them for the first name.

_________________________________________________

With that said, let's move on...

HOLY FUCKING MOTHER SHIT! There's a new Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire trailer and I literally got chills from watching it...I seriously can not even take how beautiful and intense this looks. Emma Watson is also too hot for her age.

__________________________________________________

Look who got a haircut!!

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Lindsay Lohan is looking better these days! BRING BACK THE RED HAIR!!! I think she should be deemed in Hollywood "the freshman who tries too hard."
__________________________________________________

I usually hate blind items, but this one was CLASSIC.


This American film actress likes to spend much of her time in UK - but doesn't know her husband is shagging half of London behind her back. A conquest claims that as he climaxed he once shouted, "I love you, my dick love you, I wish I could rip my dick off and give it to you."

So romantic! Speculations go out to Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow. Personally, I think "my dick love you" is more romantic than any song by Coldplay.
__________________________________________________

Michael Jackson never ceases to freak the hell out of me. Recently, he rented out a water park in Dubai so children and parents could "have fun for free" aka SO HE COULD TOUCH THE CHILDREN WHILE FULFILLING HIS KINKY S&M LYCRA FETISH!

Kanye West is the only thing stopping Mimi from being even further emancipated and achieving 17 number one singles. Kanye doesn't care about her emancipation! But his momma done found his $500 porn bill!

Brad Pitt fans rejoice! The Aniston-heartbreaker is going to be filming a looooong nude scene for his upcoming film The Assassination of Jesse James. I can only hope that I look that good when I'm 41.

The dude that hacked Paris Hilton's sidekick fessed up and is now facing 11 months in a juvenile facility. First off, juvenile facility? Yes...THE KID WAS ONLY 17! Well, his 11 months was well worth it for me to prank call Samantha Ronson (sung the love song from Mean Girls), who was probably too obscure to change her number.

Aaron Carter is setting up to bring us the next "Hollaback Girl". The kid is working with Pharrell Williams the moment he hits 18 years. I pray with all my heart that his next single is "That's How I Beat Shaq" (Part Two).

OK, the people over at Broadway have lost their minds...There is talk of Shrek: the musical! and I am frightened. Their reasoning has something to do with the success of The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast...I'm kind of hoping that they take out all the humorous elements of Shrek and make it a serious operatic show. Ok, so it doesn't end there...But I'm a Cheerleader!: the musical! is going up this weekend and the weekend that follows. Lesbians!

Be prepared. A few months from now, whenever we talk about Jessica Simpson on here...you may just see Jessica. She's totally going the Diddy route and dropping a few syllables. Okay, but this isn't the important part. I mentioned her first single "Fired Up" (her version of "Dirrty") earlier and posted a link to a shitty preview of it. Get this though...there was a meeting to discuss the video and she said she wants it to be "slutty and hot(ter than Slave 4 U)". When told that this would be inappropriate seeing that she's married, she replied, "Oh, who cares what Nick thinks! This is my single...my video!" She wants to be wanted by men's magazines, lusted after...but if you ask me the girl just has some serious self-esteem issues. Hoes!

Just look at this list. It'd make Justin proud.

Pop singer Anastacia on Elton John's upcoming wedding: "I wanna be his frickin' orchid-throwing flower bitch! I'd hold his train. I'd hold both their trains because you know those bitches will be wearing trains." I think I need not say more.
__________________________________________________

If someone get's a video of this, I might cry in the good kind of way. Diddy done taught Martha Stewart how to rap. Her flow is actually pretty tight if you ask me.

"It's Miss Martha from Jersey City / I'll bake you a cake and make your crib look pretty / I gets mad respect like my man, big Diddy...They thought they could stop me, but they must be silly. I got my ankle bracelet off, now I'm free like Willy / It's the K-Mart queen so I know you feel me / They gave me love on the inside, that's why they call me M Diddy."

I hope she makes an appearance on his next album...

_______________________________________________

TUNES!

Ok, so this is the next collaboration between Pharrell and Gwen Stefani. And it's not the shitty live version...this is the actual song. It ain't no Hollaback Girl.
Pharrell f/ Gwen Stefani- Have it Like That

Ok, so we're very hip-hop oriented today...BUT THIS IS THE NEW SHIZ.
Nappy Roots- Rewind
Ghostface Killah- Be Easy
Redman- Rush the Security
Ol' Dirty Bastard f/ Ghostface- Back in the Air

One day Paris may be Tokyo,
Joe John



14 September 2005

I Just Want You To Know

Yes, it's been a while since I last posted. I'll lie and say that I've had "trouble at home". Anyway, my absence is besides the point.

Britney is a mommy.

According to US Weekly, who was the first to break the news, she popped out a healthy boy early this afternoon. She had a C-section, which sounds lovely from what I've been reading at Childbirth.org: "You may be plagued with gas pains from being opened". Eloquently put. Poor Britney.

US also reports that Britney is excited to be a mom saying, ''I'm gonna be a hot mom!'' With that C-Section scar and thighs full of cheetos? Either fat is back or Britney's delusional.

B-A-B-Y M-A-M-A,
Justin

Late Night Bloggin'

There are moments in every blogger's life where they can't sleep. The necessity to provide the world with their much needed internet entertainment just grows to such a level that thier eyelids are hesitant to close. So bear with me as I bring you a late night treat that won't get your belly rumbling as much as S-fields...If you finish your meal, there may be exclusive tracks by Death Cab and The Decemberists in it for you!

Elijah Wood freaks me out.

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Note that I am skilled in recognizing talent when I hear it. Harry and the Potters are so damn cool now that they're featured on mtv.com. I remind you that yours truly brought them to campus LAST FALL.

Before he was Ma$e, he was Mase Murda. The former Bad Boy gone pastor gone Bad Boy again who once made us "feel so good", is not only signing with G-Unit, but is rapping on a song called "300 shots"...it's about shooting people. Jesus totally wasn't down with that.

The amazing Tina Fey popped out her baby girl. Speaking of popping out babies, keep your eyes out for this fall's Terpsichore concert...B-A-B-Y M-A-M-A! Speaking of babies...WTF Baby Spice?

I've been waiting for the Paris Hilton album SINCE FEBRUARY. While there is still no release date, and the likely one will probably be this coming February, we are sure that it will be a hit...thanks to Snoop Dogg. Paris is afraid that the album will flop, so she's doing everything she can to make it pure pop gold. Paris is teaching us an important lesson in life...Yes, what other people think of you actually does matter...so get used to it fuckers. In other news, Nicole Richie misses her boobs.

My agenda tonight included an attempt to friend the dude who played Spanky in The Little Rascals movie on MySpace.

Look, I love Gwen Stefani...I honestly don't care if people think she's "exotifying" her Harajuku Girls...I bought the album at midnight through the iTunes music store, and I made everyone I know listen to "Hollaback Girl" before people cringed when you said the phrase "this shit is bananas". With that said, I want to know what man would pay $60 fucking dollars for a t-shirt by her that looks like it was designed for threadless.

What do you do when you've successfully been acquitted for kiddie-touching? No...after moving to Europe! OBVIOUSLY, you record a Hurricane Relief song! And OBVIOUSLY you call on the help of Lauryn Hill, Snoop Dogg, James Brown, Jay-Z, Mariah Carey, (and then I hear) Babyface, Ciara, Lenny Kravitz, Wyclef Jean, Missy Elliott, Mary J. Blige, and fellow tween-toucher R. Kelly. Hopefully you remember "What's Going On?", the Marvin Gaye cover for 9/11 that featured everyone from Bono to Nelly. Hopefully you've forgotten the fact that it included hot rhymes from Fred Durst like... "Somebody tell me what's going on, We got human beings using humans for a bomb, But everyone wanna live, Don't nobody really want to die, You feeling me right?, I can't be watching people die, And watching people cry." I sincerely hope when he spit this poetry that it wasn't all for the nookie. In conclusion, will people even buy a Michael Jackson organized single? Yes. Don't believe me? Check out the sales for TP3: Reloaded...pedophilia just doesn't seem to get in the way of people's love for music. Gross.

TUNES!

The Decemberists totally do Mr. Blue Sky like it's nobody's business.

You know those annoying bonus songs they put on albums on iTunes so that you'll buy them. Never download an album you already own just for them. I learned the hard way.
Death Cab for Cutie- Start Again (iTunes exclusive)
Death Cab for Cutie- Bad Reputation (iTunes exclusive)

Ashlee Simpson's unreleased Courtney Love-esque song.
Ashlee Simpson- Sorry
(to download, click "Free" on first page. Then scroll down and wait about a minute...a link should appear shortly. I know...Rapidshare is a bitch.)
I am not sorry for introducing your ears to that song.

I'ma keep playing these cats out like Atari,
Joe John

12 September 2005

I got an unlimited american express card

If you are like me, your list of Wesleyan-related priorities goes like this: 1) Dancing 2) Film screenings, premieres, and elaborate multimedia extravaganzas 3) Dancing 4) Learning. And to glorious people like us, I present the following pieces of information:

Cornered and Kinetoscope at Film Fest New Haven 2005!

The online schedule isn't very helpful, so here's the story: Max and Adam's theses are both part of the opening night shorts program, Thursday September 22nd, 9:30-11pm and "Short Program IV" (teen scene?!) Friday September 23rd, 5:30pm. MGblatt, please report back on what the hell "Opening Night Filmmaker Hospitality" means.

Teen Homicide #2 premiere!

Monday, September 26, 8pm at UCB Theatre. We will be transporting as many people/votes as possible from the Middletown to the New York City. Let us know if you can donate your car to the cause (the cause mostly being Teen Homicide #3: Murder at 73 Home). Should I stay for Crash Test at 11 or go to my Tuesday 9am? Both?! Yes!

The Neo-Futurists holy cow!

I am soiling mis pantalones about Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind. September 16-17, 8pm, CFA theater. 30 plays in 60 minutes. 8 totally justifiable dollars.

Buster Keaton + Synthesizers + Jack Reilly in a tweed blazer

If you come see The General in the film series on Wednesday, not only do you get amazing comedic action, but you get these dudes playing live, and a preview Dr. Schranz made for The Life Aquatic, Jules and Jim, and the midnight showing of Showgirls. It's our last night together before everyone stops coming to the Wednesday cinemas because of reality television and beer.

Oh yeah and The Management and Of Montreal on Tuesday. Woooaaaaawwwoaaaww!

i love you but i'm not in love with you,
kb

p.s. I'm going to leave this link up until Jess yells at me! DM Callbaxxx

Monumental TUNES post

Franz n ur pantz!!!! Check out five new tracks and a single from the new Franz Ferdinand album, You Could Have it So Much Better.
Franz Ferdinand- Walk Away
Franz Ferdinand- I'm Your Villain
Franz Ferdinand- The Fallen
Franz Ferdinand- Do You Want To
Franz Ferdinand- Eleanor Put Your Boots On
Franz Ferdinand- Fade Together

I posted this before but this song should be in your life.
The Cardigans- I Need Some Fine Wine and You, You Need to be Nicer

For those of you who don't read shitparade...well, first off you lose because it's an awesome blog which has some great Kimmy Stolz coverage today...but secondly, you probs missed Maximus Goldbatticus posting this cover of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Maps" by The Arcade Fire.
The Arcade Fire- Maps

M.C. Hammer- U Can't Touch This
Keep your ears out for the Mirror Boyz (aka cmcdonald and myself) response to Mr. Hammer with "I Didn't Even Try to Touch That". If you've yet to hear about the Mirror Boyz, it is because they are but a concept and a few choruses at the moment.

I'm really diggin' The Free Design. You may remember them from the awesome cover of "I Found Love". You may not remember them at all...but you should definitely give them a listen.
The Free Design- Don't Turn Away (Sharpshooter's Mix)

I'm really weirded out by this remix. Just wait til the part where you expect Ciara's verse.
Missy Elliott- Lose Control (DJ Twixta remix)

For all those Nellie McKay fans out there!...aka just Naomi (who won't even read this) and I.
Nellie McKay- If I Needed Someone (Beatles Cover)

I don't think I posted this Kanye track before. It's pretty sad.
Kanye West- Roses

If you aren't one of those lucky people who have been privileged enough to hear Paris Hilton's new single...get on it! It is pure, cheesey pop...and she definitely doesn't forget that 90% of her fans are homosexual.
Paris Hilton- Screwed (link to zip of single)

Le Sport makes me want to dance...and then be ashamed by how European it is. Whatevs, trashy euro-pop is the future of pop music.
Le Sport- Tell No One About Tonight
Le Sport- I Comes Before You
more tunes at website.

Some full albums for the kids...
Architecture in Helsinki- In Case We Die
Architecture for Helsinki- Live on WOXY
Death Cab for Cutie- The Photo Album
Death Cab for Cutie- Something About Airplanes
Death Cab for Cutie- You Can Play These Songs with Chords
The Decemberists- Castaways and Cutouts
The Go Team!- Thunder Lightning Strike
Prince- Purple Rain
Q and Not U- Power
and most importantly...in honor of a WesAlum,
The Island soundtrack
If any of you actually download that, you are taking irony WAY too far.

I thought my Jesus piece is so harmless until I saw a picture of a shorty armless,
Joe John

3-Dimensional Pimping 101

Short but important post...

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For all of you excited about Brokeback Mountain (GAY COWBOYS!), but disappointed by the lack of snoggage in the trailer...check out this quote from the latest issue of W magazine...

In a scene destined to be this year’s boldest cinematic taboo-breaker, Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) surprise themselves one night by consummating their crush during a wordless encounter in their moonlit pup tent. After Jack makes the first move, Ennis, with very little fanfare and even less tenderness, puts Jack on all fours and takes him from behind. Lee recalls that the scene required 13 takes spanning one very long day. “I was very proud of Jake,” he says. “What he does with that scene is very moving, very real, with a lot of emotion and a lot of excitement.”
“Uh, I don’t really remember much of that day,” says Gyllenhaal, laughing. He spent much of it cutting the tension by joking with Ledger about who was going to do what to whom. “It’s one of the riskiest things I’ve done in my career,” Gyllenhaal says, likening the experience to jumping into a very cold lake. “At a certain point you just take a deep breath and dive in. And then the water’s freezing, and you jump out as fast as you can.”

I don't think you're ready for that jelly.
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In other news, Just Like Heaven starring Mark Ruffalo, Reese Witherspoon, and Jon Heder is out this weekend. Watch the trailer to remind yourself why you want to see this...or just note the following reasons...
  1. Mark Ruffalo
  2. Director of Mean Girls and Freaky Friday (aka the director probably touched Lindsay Lohan...twice)
  3. Mark Ruffalo
Sing it hoes, hoes,
Joe John

05 September 2005

gimme some new shit.

Are you ready for this? Are you ready? Yes? I don't believe you! Ok, so maybe I do.

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I know some of our readers are Junior Senior fans, so why not give you a little bit of the new stuff...
Junior Senior- Take My Time

If you're still stuck on "Lovefool" wondering "what ever happened to The Cardigans?"...please note that they're still around and will be releasing this single shortly. I really really love it and it's very very different from what some of you may remember The Cardigans to be.
The Cardigans- I Need Some Fine Wine and You, You Need to be Nicer

For the hip-hop heads...or those of us who love really ridiculous dirty songs with very little substance, feel free to check out Shawnna'a new single. You may remember Shawnna from such classics as Ludacris' (the Dr. Seuss of our time) "What's Your Fantasy?" Well, now she has a song about getting head that has absolutely nothing to do with getting head. Listen to the verses...Is it just me, or is the chorus entirely for the wrong song??? Shawnna...where is your consistency!?!?
Shawnna- Gimme Some Head (Explicit)
Shawnna- Gimme Some (Clean)

For the emo kids, here's a new track from The Juliana Theory. It's a bit intense if you're the kind of person who grew to like them through Emotion is Dead. Still...it's definitely something you can rock out alone to on a stressful day. I promise...And yes, I did listen to the Juliana Theory in my emo days. Get over it!
The Juliana Theory- We Make the Road By Walking

I never really got into My Morning Jacket, but this is a little somethin' from their upcoming release...
My Morning Jacket- Anytime
Kudos to ben for many of these links...

I really wanted to see the new Franz Ferdinand video, but the link on shitparade didn't work...oh poop! Thankfully, I found a downloadable link on stereogum. The first comment says that "It's good to see them showing something that resembles personality". I totally agree.
Franz Ferdinand- Do You Want To (Video)

The new Grandaddy CD Excerpts from the Diary of Toddzilla not only has the best title in life, but also sounds like it's going to be awesome...
Grandaddy- Pull the Curtains

I totally can't wait for the new Michael Lohan single!

Put you on the counter by the buttered rolls,
Joe John

04 September 2005

George Bush Doesn't Care About Bloggers.

Temporary Blog Depression is over.

That bitch Katrina really doesn't make one want to blog about snarky celebrity gossip. However, in cruising the blogs, I realized that celebs are just like US?

They are affected by this tragedy too...Juvenile of "Back that Azz Up" fame has lost his New Orleans home. You can be a bitch and say, "Oh, whatever! He totally has enough money to buy another house!" Think about it. The man lived there...and has certainly lost a lot in this tragedy, including friends. Luckily, he was able to save his family.

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They are criticizing the government for it...Angelina Jolie just doesn't think that their efforts are enough. You can easily find t-shirts of Kanye West's national television quote, "George Bush doesn't care about black people."

They are donating...Jay-Z and Diddy have both put forth $1 million to help the cause. Hilary Duff is going to put forth $250,000 and is encouraging her fans to bring canned goods to her concerts. Go here and learn how you too can help...feel free to comment with other sites.

They want us to know that their family is okay...Britney Spears' most recent letter to her fans...
"Dear Fans,

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida and any other states that might be affected by Hurricane Katrina. All of my family members there are safe and thank you to all my fans for your concern.
Love, Britney"...
Now I can sleep at night, knowing that her family is okay.
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For those of you who are depressed by this news and can't handle anything that has to do with it...I can provide you with some news that might cheer you up?

So apparently Martha Stewart is having an Apprentice type television show, but instead of Donald Trump's famed "YOU'RE FIRED!" line...Her catchphrase is going to be "You just don't fit in." Tears will be rolling down cheeks.

God, I love Shar Jackson...

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I also love how it looks like her daughter in the red skirt is photoshopped into this. See more ghetto-fab pictures here.

TWENTY FIVE MOTHERFUCKING CHAPTERS OF TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET!!!!??? Are you ready?

Have you heard of Dahv??? Her lyrics include "Daddy don't trip, I'll clean my room" and she has a song called "Pass the Shirley Temple". I need the album!

Ashlee Simpson is SO HARDCORE that she's dying her hair orange or rainbow!!! That's so unique and awesome!!!! OMGzorz!!!

Mariah Carey is the new Beatles...or Elvis!

I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger,
Joe John

PS-
Tunes to come in another post.