25 August 2005

America's Next Top Blogger

So there seems to be some hype about this girl right here...

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SO HOT.

How can you join in this hype? By making your support of Kim Stolz public! That's right kids...for the low price of $5 I'm selling "We Love Kim" bracelets. They should hopefully be available before the debut of America's Next Top Model: Season Five on September 21.

100% of profits will go towards chemotherapy treatments for Kimberly Rama, my 6 year-old cousin who has been diagnosed with an inoperable tumor named alveolar rhabdosarcoma (a rare children's cancer). Kimberly is one of two adorable twins and one of five children of Gail Rama (a teacher in Carmel, NY) and Mike Rama (a detective in NYC).

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SO CUTE.

By the way, you can totally just buy a bracelet even if you just think my cousin is cute and don't care about ANTM. But if you don't care about ANTM, I don't know why you're even reading this. Kim Stolz was totally in Entertainment Weekly and I did a shitty scan of it for you. Go read it in the supermarket if you want to know what it actually says. Basically, she's one of the four girls they're placing their bets on. Oh, and here are full-size pictures of all the models. If you haven't watched the preview and audition tapes, get on that shit. My favorite line from any of the previews...

"I work at the Dexter Dairy Queen. I AM the Dairy Queen. And you know what? I already have people ordering for a next top model, and they're ordering ME."- Kyle
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Hilary Duff totally stopped eating french fries. I'd appreciate how much of a role model she was, except for the fact that all I wanted to do after reading that article was eat french fries. Sure enough, I went to McDonalds at 3am thanks to Ms. Duff. Oh yeah, congrats or something for a number one album.

NSFW (includes boobies): Ashanti's sex tape? I don't really even see how anyone can tell that this is her.

Edward Scissor Hands...the ballet? I still don't understand where he got the large ice blocks from at the end of the movie. Stupidest ending ever.

Remember Tahj Mowry? He was the Smart Guy...or Michelle's friend Teddy on Full House. Now, he's totally a pimp.

Are you ready for the best two hours of your life involving homosexual cowboy love? Luckily, you don't have to go to the adult video store for that...because Brokeback Mountain featuring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal isn't too far away. Here is the trailer.

When Destiny's Child started it was Beyonce, Kelly, LeToya, and LaTavia...and now Destiny's Child is just no more. After being booted from the group and having a failed side-project, LeToya Luckett is going solo with the help of (who?) Mike Jones and Jermaine Dupri. It is sure to do better than both of Michelle Williams' solo albums. In other news, Kelly Rowland seriously cannot wait to get her some chicken-fried steak.

I know you're probably more excited about the new European trailer for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire...the Yule Ball looks gorgeous. I can not wait! On another trailer note, the new RENT one is out too.

Things you have the internet to thank for: being able to play with Jessica Simpson's animated bikini-clad ass for as long as you want.
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TUNES!

Pitchfork gave Twin Cinema a 9.0...Holy Shit.
The New Pornographers- Sing Me Spanish Techno
The New Pornographers- The Bones of an Idol
The New Pornographers- Twin Cinema
The New Pornographers- Use It

Ok, so Extraordinary Machine won't be out until October 4th, but you can get an idea of what the songs will be like from this rough mp3 of...
Fiona Apple- Extraordinary Machine
or this video...
Fiona Apple- Not About Love

Fiona is being produced by Jon Brion, but she's not the only one. Check out some new Kanye...
Kanye West- Touch the Sky
Kanye West- Drive Slow
Kanye West f/ Jay-Z- Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix)
Kanye West- Gone (f/ Camron & Consequence)
Kanye West- Heard Em Say f/ Adam Levine of Maroon 5

Here's the actual mp3 of the new Franz Ferdinand song, because I refuse to post live mp3s of new songs ever...
Franz Ferdinand- Do You Want To

If you'd like to hear some shitty preview mp3s (features chorus and then a few seconds of the verses) of the new Ashlee Simpson, head this way...
Ashlee Simpson- L.O.V.E.
Ashlee Simpson- I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend
They're no La La...

So, is it just me...or do you also hate when you think some song is really cool only to find out that it sampled something much cooler? Da Brat's "Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend" is actually originated from...
L'Trimm- Boom! I Got Your Boyfriend

We're totally, like, back to school or something...and what better to ruin this experience than an mp3 of the worst advertising song ever.
Sir Mixalot- Baby Got Backpack
Reminder: Baby Got Book video (Double Up A-MEN)

In conclusion, I leave you with this orgasmic image thanks to stereogum...

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Indie rock girls are creaming their pants as I type...

I believe it because I ain't never had nobody do me like you,
Joe John

5 comments:

katie b said...

a conversation-
me: how was the death cab/decemberists show?
friend: colin meloy got fat.

true love is blind.

also that brokeback mountain trailer just got the office ladies around here all riled up.

Andrea said...

I could not be more excited for Kim coming out. I mean, again.

Link my joint on your joint, joint!!

Nat said...

They kind of make Kim seem like a bitch. "I'm smarter and will use that to intimidate the other girls." But apparently they just make up quotes a lot of the time... I dunno, the other girls are really hot too. We'll see.

goldblatt said...

Jon Brion did not produce the new Fiona tracks.
He produced the stuff that leaked months ago.
But the album was rerecorded with producer Mike Elizondo, for a more accessible sound. Lame.

Anonymous said...

question:
when is the kim stolz celebrity sex tape gonna drop?