29 August 2005

of no importance...

I'm so overwhelmed by how much move in day sucks that I can't even begin to give you much to work with...

So no matter how much you may secretly love or openly hate Joss Stone, Brandon Boyd, Michelle Williams, Jason Mraz, Alanis Morissette, or Keith Urban...You will hate this gap commercial. However, no matter how much you may love or hate Gap jeans, you can still get a free song on iTunes for just letting the fabric touch your skin for a whole two seconds. While in the mall, I discovered that one can gain a free song on iTunes if they try on a pair of Gap jeans. The thing is, they have no proof that you tried them on...so you can just go into the dressing room with five pairs, stick your iPod earbuds in your ears, and listen to "Ironic" or "Survivor" while embracing the good ol' times. I seriously considered putting on multiple different disguises and continually going back and forth into the Gap to try on jeans and get free songs. For realzorz.

But speaking of videos that are actually good...have you experienced a MIRACLE? Miracle Jackson is quite possibly one of the most talented dancers I have ever seen in my life. Two theories have risen...One that this girl got into a huge accident and it is literally a "miracle" that she is up there dancing and chewing gum. My personal theory is that there are other people on the stage doing dance moves that are worth cheering for, and that the cameraman is just focusing on her. In any case, the song is hot...and she forgot to tuck her shirt into her vagina! I warn you not to google Miracle Jackson, because after a few results...it gets kind of depressing.

I wish this was my life. Nuff said. I also really want to see this movie.

Christina Aguilera doesn't have beef with Britney Spears. Get over it.

TUNES!!

Pitchfork has rated Kanye West's Late Registration as a 9.5...and you probs don't even care. You can cop some exclusive import only tracks from the album...
Kanye West- We Can Make it Better f/ Q-Tip, Talib Kweli, and Common
Kanye West- Back to Basics f/ Common
and here are some of the tracks from the american album...
Kanye West- Crack Music f/ The Game
Kanye West- Gold Digger f/ Jamie Foxx
It's sad that late registration for Kanye means a 9.5 on Pitchfork, but for Wesleyan students it means it means having to take a shitty class about the intellectual nature of rocks.

I used to really like Minus the Bear until I realized that every song was the same. You be the judge.

Oh, and here are the files of Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine...WARNING: This is not the final version, but you can get an idea of how awesome the album is.
Fiona Apple- Not About Love

This will change your life. For the worst...
Crackout- Caught Out There (rock cover of Kelis)

This song sounds like what would happen if Smoosh, M.I.A., and Beck had a baby and it suddenly became Brazilian.
Vanessihna & Allesandra- Gira

For better or for worst?
NAHPI- Do They Know it's Halloween? (Cadence Weapon remix)
I think this version is less likely to clear dance party floors...

I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child,
Joe John

of immediate importance

Let's hear it for old guys and underrated dance jams and Connecticut:


THE WRENS ARE COMING.
Saturday, October 1st at Eclectic.


The next night, Built To Spill are playing at Toad's Place in New Haven. I have a ticket and you have a spot in the car, assuming fewer than 4 people who read this want to relive the mid-90s we didn't actually grow nostalgic for until 2001. Clear your fucking weekend! Faster Gun! Time Trap!

October 6th is the Decemberists, also in New Haven. Here is a cute video of them and Death Cab covering "Go Your Own Way" at Summerstage.

(oh and Of Montreal and the MGMT are at Eclectic September 13th but you knew that.)

!!!!!!!!!!!

After last week's Sufjan show had ended and a king and queen of homecoming had been crowned, a strapping young man in a tuxedo shirt interviewed us for The Danielson Famile Movie. There's a trailer on the site.

Sufjan tunes:
Chicago- To String remix by JonGalloway
The Avalanche - Illinois iTunes exclusive
Kanye West vs. the Illinoisemakers = Zombies Walk!!!



such a good show. spirit fingers! banjos!


Today was freshman move-in day. I have a crush on Will Robinson. Also, Tim Hutton was in the office. You might know him as the narrator from 1981's smash, "Teenage Suicide: Don't Try It!"

One more superfluous IMDB link: THE CUTTING EDGE 2. thank god D.B. Sweeney found time for this project.

The Baxter came out on Friday, who saw it? Who had no idea that Michelle Williams left Michael Showalter for Heath Ledger? Who is noticing all the stolen Wet Hot bits on Stella? (did they really think they could recycle "I want you inside me"?)

The porch of 65 Lawn is more interesting than the internet,
kb

p.s. in case you were wondering, according to Best Week Ever Live, Cold Stone Creamery is having the Best Week Ever. Too bad they had to discontinue Cake Batter due to salmonella outbreaks in four states. I guess some people might have died, but it gave me an excuse to talk to Aziz. We'll call it even.

25 August 2005

America's Next Top Blogger

So there seems to be some hype about this girl right here...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
SO HOT.

How can you join in this hype? By making your support of Kim Stolz public! That's right kids...for the low price of $5 I'm selling "We Love Kim" bracelets. They should hopefully be available before the debut of America's Next Top Model: Season Five on September 21.

100% of profits will go towards chemotherapy treatments for Kimberly Rama, my 6 year-old cousin who has been diagnosed with an inoperable tumor named alveolar rhabdosarcoma (a rare children's cancer). Kimberly is one of two adorable twins and one of five children of Gail Rama (a teacher in Carmel, NY) and Mike Rama (a detective in NYC).

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
SO CUTE.

By the way, you can totally just buy a bracelet even if you just think my cousin is cute and don't care about ANTM. But if you don't care about ANTM, I don't know why you're even reading this. Kim Stolz was totally in Entertainment Weekly and I did a shitty scan of it for you. Go read it in the supermarket if you want to know what it actually says. Basically, she's one of the four girls they're placing their bets on. Oh, and here are full-size pictures of all the models. If you haven't watched the preview and audition tapes, get on that shit. My favorite line from any of the previews...

"I work at the Dexter Dairy Queen. I AM the Dairy Queen. And you know what? I already have people ordering for a next top model, and they're ordering ME."- Kyle
___________________________________________

Hilary Duff totally stopped eating french fries. I'd appreciate how much of a role model she was, except for the fact that all I wanted to do after reading that article was eat french fries. Sure enough, I went to McDonalds at 3am thanks to Ms. Duff. Oh yeah, congrats or something for a number one album.

NSFW (includes boobies): Ashanti's sex tape? I don't really even see how anyone can tell that this is her.

Edward Scissor Hands...the ballet? I still don't understand where he got the large ice blocks from at the end of the movie. Stupidest ending ever.

Remember Tahj Mowry? He was the Smart Guy...or Michelle's friend Teddy on Full House. Now, he's totally a pimp.

Are you ready for the best two hours of your life involving homosexual cowboy love? Luckily, you don't have to go to the adult video store for that...because Brokeback Mountain featuring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal isn't too far away. Here is the trailer.

When Destiny's Child started it was Beyonce, Kelly, LeToya, and LaTavia...and now Destiny's Child is just no more. After being booted from the group and having a failed side-project, LeToya Luckett is going solo with the help of (who?) Mike Jones and Jermaine Dupri. It is sure to do better than both of Michelle Williams' solo albums. In other news, Kelly Rowland seriously cannot wait to get her some chicken-fried steak.

I know you're probably more excited about the new European trailer for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire...the Yule Ball looks gorgeous. I can not wait! On another trailer note, the new RENT one is out too.

Things you have the internet to thank for: being able to play with Jessica Simpson's animated bikini-clad ass for as long as you want.
___________________________________________

TUNES!

Pitchfork gave Twin Cinema a 9.0...Holy Shit.
The New Pornographers- Sing Me Spanish Techno
The New Pornographers- The Bones of an Idol
The New Pornographers- Twin Cinema
The New Pornographers- Use It

Ok, so Extraordinary Machine won't be out until October 4th, but you can get an idea of what the songs will be like from this rough mp3 of...
Fiona Apple- Extraordinary Machine
or this video...
Fiona Apple- Not About Love

Fiona is being produced by Jon Brion, but she's not the only one. Check out some new Kanye...
Kanye West- Touch the Sky
Kanye West- Drive Slow
Kanye West f/ Jay-Z- Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix)
Kanye West- Gone (f/ Camron & Consequence)
Kanye West- Heard Em Say f/ Adam Levine of Maroon 5

Here's the actual mp3 of the new Franz Ferdinand song, because I refuse to post live mp3s of new songs ever...
Franz Ferdinand- Do You Want To

If you'd like to hear some shitty preview mp3s (features chorus and then a few seconds of the verses) of the new Ashlee Simpson, head this way...
Ashlee Simpson- L.O.V.E.
Ashlee Simpson- I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend
They're no La La...

So, is it just me...or do you also hate when you think some song is really cool only to find out that it sampled something much cooler? Da Brat's "Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend" is actually originated from...
L'Trimm- Boom! I Got Your Boyfriend

We're totally, like, back to school or something...and what better to ruin this experience than an mp3 of the worst advertising song ever.
Sir Mixalot- Baby Got Backpack
Reminder: Baby Got Book video (Double Up A-MEN)

In conclusion, I leave you with this orgasmic image thanks to stereogum...

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Indie rock girls are creaming their pants as I type...

I believe it because I ain't never had nobody do me like you,
Joe John

22 August 2005

Don't call it a comeback

It's true, I am a grown up with a house now (73 Home what). I haven't had time to do things like "blog" or "care about celebrities" or "set up my computer." This post is, therefore, coming at you from 70 Wyllys Avenue. I was going to upload some pictures of the apocalyptic construction happening on the new campus center, but damn is physical plant didn't one-up me with a LIVE CONSTRUCTO-CAM. Hilarious.

So I took a day off from admissions to move into my house, but I have to stop by to drop some keys off. When I show up, a dean is waiting to ask if I can give a tour of the film building. 1) I am sweaty and gross from moving 2) I am hardly qualified to give such a tour 3) it's for Danny Devito and Rhea Pearlman. We're with one other family, and Danny Devito is wearing a Matilda baseball cap, and he ends up pretty much giving the tour himself. Gave us all an editing history lesson by playing with old strips from The Anatomist's Apprentice. He also had some great recipes. And that was that. And now:

NEWS LINKS FUNTIME!


A moment of synth silence: Robert Moog dead at 71. Will he ever really die as long as college students listen to Brian Eno and high school students watch Tron?

Let's play a game! It's called "what do these things have in common?" (links via Max, the world's best blogger without a blog):

1) Just Want You To Know, the new Backstreet Boys video
2) Do They Know it's Halloween?, which I can't even explain except to point you to the lyrics Features Beck, Thurston Moore, totes house band Smoosh, Karen O., Arcade Fire, David Cross, generic hypemachines etc. etc.

Answers:
1) I can't tell if either one is for real
2) Addictive and ironic on a number of disturbing levels
3) Dance party floor-clearers
4) Both signs of the apocalypse, when tweens and hipsters become one

Nex Top Model is almost here: place your bets. Between Kim, So you think you can dance? (best) and the Gatekeeper, Wednesday nights are the new everything.

Hollertronix to kids holding it down recently on cobrasnake: Vagenius is Wes central, as expected. He's the new getting your friend to take a totally candid photo of you at a totally awesome party having a totally awesome time so you can put it up on the facebook and show your awesome friends. Don't ever stop soaking up each other's awesomeness, duders.

Ubiquitous Channel 101/102/UCB/VH1 talking heads news:


Shooting has wrapped on episode two of Teen Homicide, but the plot is hush hush for now. Slap bracelets?

Jess Lane met the Lonely Island guys (they make funny in LA) in New York a few weeks ago, and now they've all joined up at Saturday Night Live. Good for them, bad for our hope of a The 'Bu revival. But you know what? Ever since Yacht Rock, it's like nothing else on Channel 101 ever even existed.

Have you seen Yacht Rock? HAVE YOU FUCKING SEEN YACHT ROCK?! Keep the fire.

And now I am out of work and onto Metro North. First stop: Best Week Ever LIVE! at the UCB theater (wherein we continue our quest to close the deal on the Shutterbugs), followed by Sufjan Stevens. 'Predatory Wasp of the Palisades' is the new Toxic.

When I come back I'll have some mashups and random things and blah blah. Quittin time.

Eliza almost got to babysit for Richard Gere but then she didn't,
kb

21 August 2005

Up In Smoke

This may be my last update for a few days as I'm about to make the trek back up to good ole Middletown and orient some children. I'll try to make this an experience to remember.

ONTD has posted the first photo of Madonna post-horse incident. Of course it was taken as she left London's Kabbalah Centre, because no one can mend broken bones and broken pride like G-d. The Queen of Pop also managed to beat out Paris, Jessica, Angelina, and LiLo for June's most Googled woman, according to Google Zeitgeist.

Oh, Eminem's being treated "for exhaustion" (read: an addiction to sleeping pills).

I don't know how I missed this one, but Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck attended Peachtree Presbyterian (scroll down) in da ATL last Sunday! (Thanks, Trent!) Who knew that they were religious? I guess they need all the help they can get with a baby that'll be 50% Ben. Either that or they wanted to be seen, seeing that Peachtree Pres is one of the largest Presbyterian churches in the world.

Speaking of Hotlanta, Cartel is amoung my favorite home-grown bands, and from what I've heard their new album Chroma is out of this world. Stream selections from The Leak on AbsolutePunk.net. That's an order!

You know Tom Sizemore, that dude from all of those war movies like Saving Private Ryan, Pearl Harbor, and Black Hawk Down? Well, the dude's got a porno site (obvi NSFW). (In retrospect, his name is hilariously ironic.) And if you're really curious, download the video preview. And when I say curious, I mean disgusting and that we are no longer friends.

In case you thought that Pam Anderson was sane, read this.

Thompson Memorial
It's raining man

Am I the only one who found Hunter S. Thompson's memorial creepy? I understand that he was an important dude/journalist, but why scatter his ashes via fireworks? I mean, that can't end well: what goes up must come down, people. I just get this mental image of Pompey, but with charred corpse-bits instead of volcanic ash.

Mase is probably joining G-Unit! And in related news, MTV.com is selling 50 Cent's book, From Pieces to Weight, for fiddy-percent off! It's only $11.fiddy!

I hope that you've all be watching Gene Simmons' Rock School on VH1 (or at least the first episode), because it's kinda amazing. Josh, aka "Emperor", is hilariously nerdy and awkward, and the kids are all so British. You really should watch this show: if only to see the tragic uniforms that these kids have to wear to school.

And lastly, I have an introduction for you: readers, meet Charlotte Church's boobies (NSFW). (Thanks, IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com)

Just like the Calgon commercial,
Justin

17 August 2005

100th Customer Blue Light Special...Worth the Wait.

Well, everyone, this is it: our big 100th-Post Extravaganza Fiesta Party Blog Event, and you're all invited. Just sit back, relax, and let the three (actually just two) of us lead you through the latest entertainment and pop news as a tagteam. Together in one post. Combining powers for the first time. Because when pop-culture happens, we mock it. And we know that it's taken us a long time to birth this bundle of gossipy-joy, but hey! We're busy people. You should be outside enjoying summer anyway! Verb: it's what you do.

JUSTIN

I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but LaLaine (Miranda Sanchez of Lizzie McGuire) is coming out with an album. Not only that, but she just released the video for her single (?) "I'm Not Your Girl"! All, I can say is that her heart's in the right place with the whole faux-punk rock thing (à la Avril) and convenient lack of a last name, but her hair is so greasy! Is that in-thing now? Damn, I need to buy a shower cap.

As if Crossroads wasn't "awesome" enough, Britney has a new film in the works. According to IMDb, The Pink is slated for a 2007 release (post-preggo Brit). Actually, just read the description, because I could never do it justice:
A rich, misogynistic corporate executive (Tim Allen) soon finds himself out of a job, and is forced to make a living out of selling Mary Kay cosmetics alongside a group of door-to-door saleswomen (Cher, Bette Midler, Britney Spears and Wanda Sykes). Things look up, however, when he develops a genuine understanding of the female psyche, and uses his knowledge to propel his business upwards.
I dare you to tell me that this movie won't be "spectacular".

LiLo's a pothead!! Actually, that's not true at all (according to her), but maybe it'll stir things up on Google. Anyway, Miss Lohan has officially admitted to smoking the ganja...or at least trying it...and hating it. She also tells Heat magazine that she would never try cocaine. Obviously, the bitch is lying. I understand her not likeing pot though: gateway drugs are for poor people.

Mischa, Mischa, Mischa! Who do you think you are, the next C. Love? This is maybe the strangest picture I've seen in a while. Not only is Miss Barton popping out of her fugly dress on a beach, but she's also standing behind a white horse with a dog. Hopefully, she's filming something? Or visiting a beach-front petting zoo? In related news, cellulite.

I don't know how I didn't hear about this sooner, but VH-1 is going back to where it all began: The 80s. Premiering October 24th, I Love The 80s: 3-D will once again take us back to a time that most of us couldn't remember without the help of VH-1 fundits. Mo Rocca, Hal Sparks, Rachael Harris, and Michael Ian Black will all be there and so should you. Leg-warmers optional.

August 16th was Madonna's birthday! Happy Birthday, Madonna. And what did she get for her special day? 3 broken ribs, a broken collar bone, and a broken finger. The whore! That's totally what I wanted for my birthday. Now I'm going to seem lame and totally unoriginal. Damnit!

And I don't really understand why Diddy (the artist formerly known as "P. Diddy", formerly known as "Puff Daddy") just now held a press release concerning his new name. It's been on the VMA ads for weeks now. Did he just expect America not to notice? Because we did. We also noticed that "water" is pretty much the worst VMA theme ever conceived. Is this supposed to be some elaborate play on P. Diddy's new name? Dropping the "P[ee]" before doing the "water" show? Because that would be lamer than Madonna falling off her horse.

I know you say that I am assuming things,
Justin

__________________________________________

KATIE

Coming soon from Katie: A special visit to the Wesleyan admissions office. I'll give you a hint if you don't already know- Him and his wife provided their voices for My Little Pony: The Movie. This will blow your mind and then some. Unfortunately, Katie has been busy being a senior and moving into her amazing house...don't worry, she'll be back and you don't wanna miss it!

__________________________________________

JOE JOHN

Film Series EDIT: Joss Whedon is going to be on campus to show a "new film" (Serenity?) and do a Q&A session. I am wetting myself as we speak. In other film series news, this September-October you can look forward to seeing Napoleon Dynamite, The Wizard of Oz, Kung Fu Hustle, The Life Aquatic, Sin City, A Clockwork Orange, and (most importantly) Showgirls.

Um, Death Cab anyone???

All you need to know in life is that the new Death Cab for Cutie album has leaked and I had a link to the full album until this post took forever and the link got taken down. You can try this link?


Another leak you may remember is Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine...which is an amazing album...in it's unfinished state. Jon Brion is finishing up the production and she's re-recording a lot of the songs. Lame, does that mean we have to buy it now? It's ok, with all this piracy, I was feeling like a Criminal. Here's a tune...Fiona Apple- Better Version of Me.

Speaking of Jon Brion, (this is old news but...) he co-produced the new Kanye West album. If his name doesn't sound familiar, the Eternal Sunshine soundtrack probably isn't as close to your heart as it is to mine. Kanye West is so confident about his sophomore album that he's already named his third and fourth albums. He's such a cocky son of a bitch..."Gold Digger" f/ Jamie Foxx is a terrible song, but "Diamonds from Sierra Leone (remix f/ Jay-Z)" (mp3) is still amazing. Kanye, I am not going to be there for you when it "All Falls Down" (mp3).

By the way, if you were wondering about Madonna and her new album "Confessions on a Dancefloor"...she has every venereal disease imaginable to man...and she cheats on her husband. And she once directed a bus full of nuns to their death. I heard her new album and it sucks...now do I get my Mariah Carey Team Lamb honorary member t-shirt yet???

I had my destiny fulfilled and MTV.com did a pretty good recap of the NYC concert, which pretty much was the same as the one we were at. They failed to mention the amazing strip of giant talking Destiny's Child heads that told everyone to "sit their butts down" before the finale, "Lose my Breath". Kelly Rowland is so hot it makes me want to gasm.
Kelly Rowland & Nelly- Dilemma
Um, and on that subject...you should ask Chris McDonald if you can see his dance for "Bad Habit". It will blow your mind.


If anyone gets me this for my birthday, I will kill them. Yes, it's true! Chaotic is out on DVD. Now you can take Britney Spears and Kevin Federline home with you all for the low price of $13.99 plus shipping. Someday I will (never) understand...why everyone who reviewed this show and DVD gave it FIVE STARS...making comments like, "Unlike every other high-quality, manufactured "reality" television show out there, CHAOTIC is raw and real." Whatever...I want manufactured reality television like Project Runway and America's Next Top Model in my life. THIS FALL...what? No homework will ever get done. The date is finally out. America's Next Top Model's first episode will be airing this September 21st...and it'll be TWO HOURS. Here is the promotional poster., and here is a screen cap of Kim Stolz! (courtesy of Jess Lane)...Hold back your gasms. Also hold back your gasms for Tyra Banks' new talk show. The subject matter is pretty ridiculous, and her response to everyone's problems sounds incredible. All I need is for Tyra to tell me to take a walk down her runway during finals week, and my semester will be full of sanity! "Just put on these shoes and take a trip down my runway!"

Imagine this. Eliza Ford at P. Diddy's White Party. Imagine her sitting near Alan Thicke, the father from Growing Pains. Now...imagine his son making a song with Pharrell Williams that is "guaranteed to get girls naked". Um, I will say that I've heard this song and maybe it's just my testosterone and all...but I feel more boredom listening to it than a desire to get naked. I mean, Justin Timberlake claimed that he'd "have you naked by the end of this song" in "Rock Your Body", yet anytime I've heard it at parties...everyone was clothed by the end. This is certainly unacceptable.

Kanye West is so confident about his sophomore album that he's already named his third and fourth albums. He's such a cocky son of a bitch..."Gold Digger" f/ Jamie Foxx is a terrible song, but "Diamonds from Sierra Leone (remix f/ Jay-Z)" (mp3) is still amazing. Kanye, I am not going to be there for you when it "All Falls Down" (mp3).

So you're probably wondering about the Simpson sisters, and NO I don't mean Lisa and Maggie. Ashlee Simpson is going to be releasing her sophomore album(which Justin mentioned in his last entry) soon, which apparently will have a more 80s feel to it. What used to be her first single "L.O.V.E.", is a girl-power anthem about going out with your girls when your man doesn't call...basically it's a one-sided version of "Jumpin Jumpin". Now, her new single is "I Didn't Steal Your Boyfriend"...which she claims has NOTHING to do with Wilmer and Lindsay Lohan....Right. On the subject of Jessica Simpson, she also has an album coming out in the near future...The first single is likely going to be "Fired Up" (mp3), which I think may just be the worst party song ever...even if this mp3 isn't well done and loops. Coincidentally, this song is also about going out and dancing with "the girls". Obviously, this is the only item on the Simpson sister agenda. Also, Jessica and Ashlee were little sluts who wore bikinis to church! Joe Simpson, their father and manager, is quoted as saying, "People in the church got mad at me then, but we believe that what's in the heart is more important than what's on the outside." I'm sure everyone in church was paying very close attention to Jessica's humongous...heart. Lastly, Jessica's huge...heart must have been the reason why Dukes of Hazzard was number one at the box office and the bottom picture here is amazing. Thanks Trent.

Can we also talk about the cover of the Pussycat Dolls album? Someone in this group obviously is planning ahead for her solo career ::CObeyonce-syndromeUGH:: This is almost as bad as Raven in Cheetah Girls!

Apparently you don't have to win American Idol to get a record deal, which we have learned from Jasmine Trias, LaToya London, Clay Aiken, Diana DeGarmo, Justin Guarini, and others. Add to that list Mario Vazquez. Having left American Idol for "personal reasons"..Vazquez is now signed with Clive Davis and working Arnold Steifel, the man who guided Rod Stewart's career. Damn, I need to get myself on American Idol immediately. You can drop out and still be famous. Too bad it didn't work out for Corey Clark...

On another note, have you seen the high school picture of Olivia (of G-Unit fame)? This is just proof that even ugly people with bad eyebrows can become famous some day!

Speaking of G-g-g-g-unit, are you ready for Fiddy Cent's re-release of The Massacre, which will feature a music video for every song...including one in which he makes fun of every rapper in existence? It's ok...because every other rapper pretty much hates Mr. Cent. Nas could rap him under a table...oh, and no man should EVER fuck with Lil Kim. Especially when her new album features lines like..."The government tried to put me through it/ But I'm back to style on y'all like Martha Stewart."

And I know the album you're REALLY waiting for. Marky Mark. Yeah, you read that right. R&B singer/model/actor Tyrese is trying to convince Mark Wahlberg to rejoin the rap game, despite the fact that he is a white man in his 30s...Let's hope he eventually gives in! "Good Vibrations" by him and that Funky Bunch speaks to my soul!

Ok, so that may never happen...but Vanilla Ice is actually back (again). Instead of doing a rock version of "Ice Ice Baby"...he has come back to us with "Ninja Rap 2". (mp3 courtesy of Dan Fitchette) This is your new favorite song. Don't lie!

On a non-music note...

Jackie Stallone, mother of Sylvester Stallone, is striving to have Angelina Jolie play her in a biographical film of her life. Honestly, I think we all want Angelina Jolie to be us for a few hours...even if it's just make-believe!

And finally...I love Mark Ruffalo...so much that I am going to see Rumor Has It which features Daddy Costner and Jennifer Aniston. Speaking of ol' Jenny from the Perk, there may still be hope that she's snogging Vince Vaughn. He claims he would never go for it since she's very vulnerable right now...but we all know that you love vulnerable women Mr. Wedding Crasher. They probs just don't want to go public like Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson chose not to. Public Hollywood relationships seem to be on the way out thanks to Tom and Katie.

In conclusion, this is the best song in the world...Fantasia Barrino- Baby Mama (mp3).

Forget about it like the world forgot about Sisqo,
Joe John

06 August 2005

99 Proof

Here's Block Party's newest video: "Pioneer" Honestly, I think it's pretty horrible. It reminds me of Karaoke Revolution...but, like, on drugs.

Write a song with John Mayer! He'll probably take 95% of the credit, but it'd still be a good story to tell at parties.

Have you read the Rolling Stone review of The Dukes of Hazzard? Well, guess how many stars they gave the movie. Here's a hint: think of the most sarcastic response possible, and you'll be correct. That's right, Rolling Stone gave it zero stars.
Zero.
Like, none. Read the review. It's sad. While you're at it, read the CNN review, because it's pretty great.

I hate Laguna Beach soo much (the show, hence the italics), and now I've discovered that it's ruining pop-culture in general: the season two premiere featured Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'". Not a problem; good song. HOWEVER, the song has since reached number 8 on the iTunes Top 100 list. This will inevitably screw up next week's Billboard charts. Thanks, tween-America. Thank you very much.

I used to think that all kids were supposed to be cute. This site proves me wrong. What the fug. Here's a preview:

SJP
God, I hope Sarah Jessica Parker playing Annie in this picture.

TC
Tom Cruise looks ok here EXCEPT FOR HIS SNAGGLE TOOTH!

A Special "Trapped in the Closet" Parody Feature:

Living in Atlanta, I'm ashamed of The Bert Show, the morning show on Q100. Nevertheless, they made a Harry Potter version of "Trapped in the Closet" entitled: "Harry Potter: Trapped in the Closet, Under the Stairs". There's one for each of the first five books, and they're kinda hilarious. Kinda. Just pretend that it's not The Bert Show.

Sorcerer's Stone
Chamber of Secrets
Prisoner of Azkaban
Goblet of Fire
Order of the Phoenix


Ok, this is like 50 times better! A Sims version of the videos (thanks, ONTD):

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

News Round-up:

Kate Hudson's a swinger.
Eddie Murphy's getting a divorce.
ex-Jurors are cashing in on the MJ trial.
Asslee discusses her new album.
Chappelle's Show ain't comin' back. Ever.
Brandon Flowers of The Killers is off the market.

I'm lookin' for a dime that's top of the line,
Justin

02 August 2005

Let Me See You 1, 2 Wet Yourself

I know, I know. I've been such a bad blogger recently. Oh, well. But be nice to me; I had a physical yesterday! (PS why do doctors have such cold hands?)

I found this nifty blog generator, and I'm thinking of just generating one and leaving it at that. Instant gratification with no effort: so American. Here we go:

Today I am so grouchy it's pretty sad. I had to almost kill myself 10 times just to get the image of Michelle and Reginald fucking on my bed out of my head. They were my best friends. Now I hate them. I don't need this excrement, I have too much X-Men fanfiction to finish to deal with that. Right now I'm listening to Good Charlotte and all it's doing is making me more grouchy. Reginald can go fuck his grandmother for all I care. I feel like I am completely in solitary confinement, and dressed only in black, as usual. I'm gonna IM Dave P. and see if she wants to hang out at the 7-11 before I start calling someone names.

Hmmm...maybe that's better suited for an angsty LiveJournal (why, yes, that is redundant).

Moving on, I’d like to open up to all of you, so I have a confession: I’ve seen every episode of Lizzy McGuire. Not only that, but I also sent Gordo fanmail when I was in 10th grade. I asked him to be my best friend. I was serious. Now thanks to ONTD I’ve learned that Adam Lamberg (“Gordo”) attends UC Berkeley. I’m road tripping, and I have 6 empty seats with your names on it. No, make that 5. Gordo might want to come back and be my best friend. Who’s with me? Let the stalking-fest begin.

I'm not going to lie; I love Starbucks. Whatever, take away some of my HipsterPoints™. The fact that their "Baristas" can barely work a Mr. Coffee doesn't bother me much. Nor does the fact that their beverages cost more than most of the Louis Vuitton line. Anyway, I must not be alone in my opinions, because I stumbled upon a Starbucks blog. I warn you though: it might stain your teeth.

And now for some news that you might actually care about. Maybe. We'll see:


They may hate each other, but Paris and Nicole Richie (not celeb enough for one name) are gearing up for the fourth season of The Simple Life. Ugh, and it may be wedding themed, since both P and N are currently engaged (of course, this is contingent on the two couples remaining engaged for a long period of time. Like, until the wedding). Whatever. I’m still in shocked that people watch this show. Four season?! That’s more than My So Called Life got. I hate America.

Everyone's favorite lioness Clay Aiken is going to guest star on All My Children Next month! He'll be playing himself, which is probably a good thing if he acts as "well" as he sings. God, how I'd like to take a razor to his...hair.

Michael!!! Why are you leaving us? Is it because our whole country thinks that you're a freak? Because if that's the case, you might as well stay. It's not going to be any better in Bahrain. Or are you just sick of American boys?

Ugh. Now Al Gore actually did invent something.

Quick! Get to the Hamptons. Like now! Doncha wanna see LiLo?! You could probably totally do coke off her boobs. Or what's left of them.

bread
Eat me; there's no longer a guiding light.


I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself. First Doctor Atkins dies and now this! Like, what are we supposed to do? Not eat carbs without the support of a multi-billion dollar corporation? Whatever. I need a meat-shake.

Question: what am I going to buy today?
Answer: Kidz Bop 8

As if the video we posted a few months ago wasn't amazing enough (and I think that it actually might be on the album, because "Since U Been Gone" is listed as a "Multimedia Track"), guys! I can't wait to sink my ears into the KB versions of "1, 2 Step" and "Incomplete". I really think that every household in American should own a copy of this album. I haven't listened to it yet, but I know that it will be the stuff of miracles. Do it for the kidz! Besides, it's good enough for MTV.

It’s this 1 thing that’s got me trippin,
Justin