31 July 2005

I'm seriously not kidding...

Tommy Lee f/ NICK FUCKING CARTER of the MOTHERFUCKING BACKSTREET BOYS- Say Goodbye

That's HARDCORE!

Even more hardcore is the fact that I was in the same play this past semester as Julia Roberts will be in on Broadway. Three Days of Rain went up this past spring at Wesleyan and none of you probably saw it.

Oh, and Sky High is the Mean Girls of superhero movies, only a little more cornier and predictable. Still...it made my heart feel warm...even if I was the only person over 18 in the theater who wasn't with a small child.

OH, and the last thing...really. There's apparently a new "Dragostea Din Tea" making its way over to America. This one is called "Kylie" and it is by a group called Aksent. Yes, it's about Kylie Minogue. No, the video isn't as good as O-Zone's. But yes...the lyrics are just as funny...

"Kylie give me just a chance
Let's go out and dance
We can get into the groove
I can watch you move
Later you can sing to me
Like a shining star
But I'd rather do you on the backseat of my car"
(English version MP3)

True poetry from true gentlemen...

If you dare make short posts-Nair for short posts,
Joe John

30 July 2005

4 My Thugs

This is an actual painting, but when I went to a museum with a few friends they really thought it looked like Eminem.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Boticelli
-Portrait of a Youth

Now, you can view Ben Affleck as this very youth or several modern celebrities in old art. The list includes Johnny Depp, Cher, Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Lopez, Madonna, Natalie Portman, and more.

Moving on...

_______________________________________________

IT GIRLS, HOLLYWOOD, AND MORE

If you didn't like my "I Snogged Ginny Weasley" shirts maybe you'll like these. If I was a girl, I'd sport a "Team Aniston" shirt in support of Jennifer Aniston, but only because the colors are cuter!!!! teehee! Also, she probs looks fab in her new coat.

Not only is Michelle Trachtenberg the new Lindsay Lohan...but I also need to buy Ice Princess on DVD!!! I mean, how can you resist a movie where a girl uses physics to succeed in figure skating and land a guy who will tell her "You can ride my zamboni anytime!"

Don't like those shirts either? Maybe you'd prefer Abercrombie & Fitch's new line of celebrity related T's. That is, maybe you'd prefer them if Orlando makes you SWEAT.

Some dude is a homo. Peeps think it's Jake Gyllenhaal.

You know what's pretty gay in the non-homosexual way? Buying an elephant as a pet. Sorry Adam Brody, but you should have learned this in second grade. Elephants don't belong in your backyard...they belong in jungles!

I came across this clip eons ago but never got to posting it. I recently came across Jimmy Kimmel parodying Trapped in the Closet. It sucked so I refused to post it. Before this, I came across the "best of" clip for a segment of his show entitled "Unnecessary Censorship". The general concept is that they take clips from actual TV shows and censor specific things to make it seem dirty. To my surprise, this was actually somewhat funny and clever, if at times vulgar and immature. The clip features George W. Bush, Sesame Street, Regis and Kelly, Wheel of Fortune, Michael Jackson, Mr. Rogers, Mr. T, Family Feud, and more. The Sesame Street one reminded me of Shutterbugs..."Oh Hey, I got an idea! Why don't you call me back...when you're not Asian!!"

While we're on the subject of Asian child stars...let's talk about Katie Leung, who will be playing Cho Chang in the upcoming Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie. A while back, the only picture on the web of Katie was one of her talking on her cell-phone. This was around the very moment that her role in the movie was announced. When googling Katie, I found out that she already had an official fan site. The only picture on the site was-- you guessed it--her on the celly. To this very day, the site has not changed that. It's all about Hate and Love! The funniest thing about the site is that it has a filmography and she's been in NOTHING else. Oh, and there's a quote of the moment from Daniel Radcliffe--"No... yeah, she's very pretty. She's really cool, though, Katie's awesome!" Translation: "I'd hit that!"

I really wish this Harry Potter rewrite was for realzorz. Mary Sue Pembroke would be my best friend because I always wanted Harry to fall for a talking unicorn animagus foreign exchange student from America. In other J.K. Rowling news, she was a nicotine addict who used wine to put herself to sleep. Who cares when she also says in this article that she's desperate to finish book 7!?! DESPERATE. Finish soon J.K. I promise you can go back to doing things for your family when you're done.

I'm not one for "TomKat" jokes, but this one is the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Will someone please see this movie with me? It stars Nick Cannon and includes the promotional lines, "Get Ready to Be Schooled!" and "A Comedy About Upholding the Law and Disturbing the Peace." I am so ready to be schooled! Bring it on Hollywood.

Um, this adopted child is so lucky! He gets to say that his dad is Van Helsing!!!

Shut up! Shut up! (I didn't say anything...) When Katey Rich got tickets for free to see Regis & Kelly, she could have nearly touched this lovely human being. I'm so jealous.

There's going to be a Voltron movie. Pharrell Williams, producer of such hits as "Hollaback Girl" and "Slave 4 You" is doing the soundtrack. This is epic.

_______________________________________________

MUSIC NEWS!!!

Over at ONTD they're not just about making snide remarks about celebrities, they're also about making careful scientific observations...like the fact that Hilary Duff looks like Janet from 90210 (aka Lindsay Price) in her new video!

Sorry to Harry Potter dork out on you, but if Brandon Flowers of The Killers had a wizard photo album, I speculate that it'd look like this. I'm not quite sure if it'd include those animations of him in the shower from the "All These Thing That I Have Done" video.

Uh, I don't care who you are or why we're supposed to be watching you...but there's only room for one Ciara in this world. I don't even want to know about your goodies Ciara Christensen.

Kelly Osbourne tells us something we already knew.

Mimi...Now that we're celebrating your emancipation and I'm making my obligatory mention of it that's in almost every post I write, I think you need to confess something...Don't try to hide it. Jadakiss knows. He even stated it on the remix to your last #1 single. "Hot like a fever, the real diva. So successful, yet still so eager." There's no use denying it anymore. You're a diva. With that said Ms. Mariah Carey, you can now stop making excuses about why people need to carry you around the set of your videos. Embrace the diva within and afterwards we can go pose with some more homeless people!!!

I had heard rumors that Brandon Boyd of Incubus was going to do an ad for the Gap this coming year, but I didn't think they were true. They were based off of some picture that had a Gap logo in the background which could have easily been photoshopped in. Now the news is in. Brandon, along with Alanis Morissette, Joss Stone, Liz Phair, Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child, Keith Urban, John Legend, and Jason Mraz, will all be covering songs that are their old favorites. I'd expect this from all of them...but what the fuck Brandon? What ever happened to fucking yourself in your own way and damning corporate america?!?! You just fell into the trap...by falling into the Gap.

Jessica Simpson has replied to statements by Christians that her new video is too slutty by saying, "I think that if they're really good Christians the judgment wouldn't be there." For once, I think Jessica has said something intelligent.

Those rumors ain't true! Rob Thomas said that if he was gay he'd rather bone Brad Pitt, not Tom Cruise. Pssh!...Rob Thomas, you ain't that cute!

Speaking of falling, there's this animation of Bono that was probably made by an anti-U2 individual. I don't hate U2, but I find it fun. Sorry Jesse Young. but I couldn't pass up an opportunity to watch ANY celebrity falling along random red spheres...even if they know how to rock. On the website, you can also throw George W. Bush or Paris Hilton. Throw-a-Celeb is the new lava lamp.

TUNES!

It's no secret. Welcome to the M!dwest! is slowly becoming one of my favorite MP3 blogs. Why? New Death Cab!!!!

Link to Death Cab for Cutie- Marching Bands of Manhattan
This one is also growing on me...
Death Cab for Cutie- Soul Meets Body
I'm getting psyched for Plans!!


JESUS! Katie, this song really makes me want to...eat McDonalds! Big Macs here I come!
Chromeo- Rage

A new set of competitive, comparative MP3s!!! Featuring some of my favorite songs...

Ben Gibbard- They Don't Know
vs.
Tracey Ullman- They Don't Know

Ciara f/ Missy Elliott- 1, 2 Step
vs.
Missy Elliott f/ Ciara- Lose Control

Kelly Clarkson- Since U Been Gone
vs.
Kelly Clarkson Mash-Up- Since U Ain't Me

There was once a point where I thought these songs were by the same musical artists...
L'Trimm- Cars that Go Boom
vs.
Le Tigre- Deceptacon

It's ok Lindsay. This dude is tired of rumors starting too. Strangely enough, this song is all about spreading more rumors about other rappers. Unfortunately, this rap is not done over the instrumental to the Lindsay Lohan version.
Maino- Rumors

If you haven't copped it yet, you gots to! The Slack Album combines Jay-Z's The Black Album and Pavement's Slanted and Enchanted. The result is delicious.
Slack Album sampler

Hot songs from this summer...
Gwen Stefani- Cool
Rhianna- Pon De Replay (I actually hate this song)
Kelly Clarkson- Behind these Hazel Eyes

And other Kelly Clarkson I recommend...
Kelly Clarkson- Where is Your Heart?
Kelly Clarkson- Addicted

Given Matt from You Ain't No Picasso's popular indie cover entry and my ego, I have decided to make a new compilation...NOW That's what I call Joe John, Edition 1! It's my mix CD for the world! And it doesn't include any ironic pop music.
  1. The Decemberists- Espionage
  2. The Harlem Shakes- Eighteen
  3. Pavement- Cut Your Hair
  4. A.C. Newman- Miracle Drug
  5. The Changes- When I Wake
  6. The Strip Squad- If You Don't Take Me Right Away You Might As Well Fuck Off
  7. Cloud Room- Hey Now Now
  8. The A-Sides- Sidewalk Chalk
  9. Tegan & Sara- When You Were Mine (Prince Cover)
  10. Death Cab for Cutie- Tiny Vessels
  11. Brendan Benson- Alternative to Love
  12. Architecture in Helsinki- The Owls Go
  13. Smoosh- Massive Cure
  14. Locksley- Don't Make Me Wait
  15. The Stills- Still in Love Song
  16. Exploding Hearts- Sleeping Aides and Razorblades
  17. The New Pornographers- Use It
  18. The Walkmen- The Rat
  19. Grandaddy- Nature Anthem

Someone down my hallway is listening to "The Boy is Mine",
Joe John

EDIT:
An anonymous commentor asked how I heard about the Harlem Shakes. Well, I had discovered them I believe from *Sixeyes or another MP3 blog. Over Spring Break 2005 (aka Stick it in the South and Slam it), Steve Aubrey was wearing a shirt that read simply "The Harlem Shakes". Either myself or someone else commented on this...he responded that himself and Dan Selsam(?) were once in this band. Hmm...I said and proceeded to listen to the songs I had by them a little bit more. I took a particular liking to "Eighteen" but hadn't heard anything else about the Harlem Shakes until now. They are making quite a stir in the blogosphere these days.

28 July 2005

The results are in

I would name some of the 30 or so Wesleyan kids who showed up to the Channel 102 screening on Monday, but I was too busy staring at Aziz and yelling at Eliza for not capitalizing on her chance meeting with Paul Scheer. Sorry. What I can tell you is that Teen Homicide had the best music, the loudest high-fives, and was the only new pilot to make it to the next screening (peace out, Jesus Christ Supercop). Also, Wesleyan kids are only 7 less funny than the Best Week Ever guys. Numbers don't lie:

Out of a record-high 177 ballots:

Shutterbugs 169
Teen Homicide 162
Gemberling 138
Purgatory 97
My Wife, the Ghost 84

Brad Logan, the Dolphin Prince 75
Jesus Christ Supercop 74
Punchy Pete 46
Couch Potatoe Nightmares 21
The Mighty Blowfish 19

Jess fucks shit up.


From the Channel 102 message board:
"Man, that was fucking funny. The crowd EXPLODED for it."
"You make rape adorable again."
"It kicked the shit out of everything."
"Fucking adorable underage kids." (TRUTH)
"Please release the theme song on mp3, preferably an extended version."
"Rape kit!"

Less awesome: Haley Joel Osment was on campus yesterday. The go fug yourself girls would have had a field day. I was more excited to see Kim last week, fresh off the plane from L.A., surrounded by the glow of her impending 15 minutes.

I know I guy at Snickers, I'll call him tomorrow,
kb

26 July 2005

I was gone for a minute, Now I'm back let me hit it!

Totesumbrellas is seven posts away from it's 100th post! This occasion is kind of cool, but it requires nowhere near as much celebration as Mimi's emancipation. To celebrate it, I'm going to make a post! RIGHT ON!!!

This edition...

IT GIRLS--MUSIC IS FOR LOVERS--MOVIES AND TELEVISION--HARRY POTTER LIKE WHOA--TUNES

____________________________________________________

"IT" GIRLS


Give Lindsay Lohan a break! She just went through puberty, like...last year. She needs to eat healthy and exercise because her body went through changes and she's not a girl, not yet a woman! OK??? So stop selling the Feed Lindsay shirts already!!!

So Jessica Alba won't get naked on film but she'll snog a monkey??? Where is the justice in this world!?! Jessica, need I remind you that you hate animals. Like that time you punched a shark...IN THE FACE. Yeah, I went there! OH, and did you think that if you stopped being so damn hot, that they'd stop giving you scripts where you're naked in the shower touching your nipples in the first five minutes? GOSH, you're hogging all the hotness! By the way, I have a script for you where you play a teenage prostitute from outer space with a whip who wears a French Maid costume 24/7 and is required to engage in lesbian sex to sustain life on her planet...are you in?

While Jessica is keeping her clothes on, Sarah Michelle Gellar is showing desire to do the opposite.

The best revenge to people forgetting you when they're famous is to sell the old love letters and toilet paper birthday cards they gave you when you were 15. Classy Jennifer Aniston. Classy.

____________________________________________________

MUSIC IS FOR LOVERS!

The gig is up! We know why terrorists attacked on 9/11. It was all part of an elaborate plan to destroy the album sales of Glitter by Mariah Carey. So many lives were lost...and I bet J. Lo was behind it. Let's also discuss how Glitter is the only Mimi album not sold in the iTunes music store. How am I gonna function without hits such as "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On" and "Don't Stop (Funkin' for Jamaica)"?

Chris Martin of Coldplay, the worst band to ever have a number one album, has been voted the world's sexiest vegetarian in a PETA poll. Um, when they said Chris Martin...did they mean Tom Martin?

Logan Starr? Is that you second from the left in the new Lou Pearlman boy-band US-5??? No, this photo wasn't photoshopped at all. It's for real. And yes. The boy-band concept might be back to some degree. Watch their video that includes the words "senorita" and "mamma mia"...

Kanye West is apparently the saviour of hip hop and pop music today. He single-handedly died for our sins and rose again, so we could be graced with such lyrics as "there's a party tonight, and ooh she so excitied, tell me whos invitied, you, your friend, and my dick." No truer poetry was ever spoken.

Peace the spork out to Ginger Spice's wax sculpture.

While Will Smith is busy gettin' jiggy with it, Jada Pinkett-Smith ain't just sittin' in the kitchen makin' him some meatloaf. I remind you that she's out performing with her Christian metal band, Wicked Wisdom...at Ozzfest.

P. Diddy isn't going to be P. Diddy the next time you see him. Sean Combs aka Puff Daddy aka Puffy for short aka P. Diddy aka Diddy for short is changing his name...again. Why P. Diddy? "Because I can". Look out, the only other person who went through all these name changes was Ol Dirty Bastard aka Big Baby Jesus aka Dirt McGirt aka Dirty...and look where he wound up. Dead.

Someone explain to me why John Mayer is so high on this list...

So Michael Jackson...Immortal? I sincerely hope not.

____________________________________________________

MOVIES & TELEVISION!

"I didn't even think she was all that Raven after all, I mean...she was kind of Raven, but not SO Raven...you know???"- The paparazzi doesn't care about Raven (Symone) at all. On her 19th birthday, ONE paparazzo showed up. I love how the article tries to come up with excuses of why she's unpopular with the media. Um, duh. She doesn't sniff coke or date a member of Good Charlotte.

If you are ugly, strange-looking, albino, or just really short...you just missed your chance to be an extra in X-Men 3. Sorry.

Mel Gibson is INSANE.

Let's talk about this movie. Reese Witherspoon? Mark Ruffalo? Jon Heder not being Napoleon? Ghosts? Director of Mean Girls and Freaky Friday? MARK RUFFALO??? This is a romantic comedy that will change my life.

This movie will not even have the opportunity to change my life because I refuse to see it. Aaron Carter is starring in a movie about a popstar who has to go back to high school and falls in love with the smart girl...Trailer.

Billy Bob Thornton may be a tough ass Bad News Bear, but he still could never sit through Mad Hot Ballroom without peeing his pants with fear.

Haley Joel Osment- Let's hope he's part of the Class of 2010. He's humongous!

Best. Headline. Ever.

Alan Cumming's "Cumming: The Fragrance" is about the funniest thing that's ever happened to me. Watch him strip down in the commercial and make various jokes about his name. This is a MUST SEE.

George Clooney is dating a porn star. Because he can.

____________________________________________________

HARRY POTTER LIKE WHOA!


Hey, are you done with Half Blood Prince? Longing for more of that luscious being Harry Potter? This is my post-sixth book plan, in seven steps...you know why if you've finished.

1- Have you never heard of Wizard People, Dear Reader? Basically, some random dude created an audio file of himself narrating the entire first movie (Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone). Here's what you do...Download the audio track. Burn it to CD. Turn your TV on mute. Synchronize the movie with the audio. Proceed to either laugh or die because of how annoying this man's voice is.

2- HPANA.com, nuff said. There are enough obsessive fans like you out there. All you have to do is register and spend hours upon hours on their message board making predictions for book 7.

3- You know those "I Kissed Justin!" or "I Did Pharrell Five and a Half Times!" shirts? Want to make fun of tweens and remain the biggest dork in existence. Buy one of these shirts for $12 from me...or make your own. But I'll make you one if you're too lazy, and I'll make it in any color. Let me cater 2 u!

FRONT:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

BACK:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

4- Anxiously await the national premiere of this movie.

5- Harry and the Potters, how many times do I have to tell you? They're on a national tour that is getting mad recognition, including USNews.com and Forbes.net. Even stereogum covered it. They're the next Death Cab for Cutie!

6- Write Fan-fiction...while listening to this Mash-Up...and laughing at the Pope because of this.

7- Create a hip-hopera entitled "Trapped in the Cupboard". PS- If any of you make lyrics, you will get the greatest shout out in the history of totesumbrellas.

____________________________________________________

25 July 2005

TUNES!

Kidz Bop enthusiasts, you're in for a treat! Comparable to the recent remake of "Float On" by Modest Mouse...
Kidz Bop Kids- Take Me Out (Franz Ferdinand)

The new Death Cab is just okay. I also think it sounds like they say "When the soul meets potty" sometimes...but maybe that's because it's 1am.
Death Cab for Cutie- Soul Meets Body

This is the kind of Gibbard that is better than just okay.
Ben Gibbard- The Dream of Evan & Chan (Acoustic on KEXP)

Sufjan in your face! A live show from Judd College

Sufjan Stevens- The One I Love (REM cover)<>
Sufjan Stevens- Opie's Funeral Song<>
Sufjan Stevens- Borderline No, but I wish it was a Madonna cover<>
Sufjan Stevens- Vito's Ordination Song<>
Sufjan Stevens- Sister<>
Sufjan Stevens- Seven Swans<>
Sufjan Stevens- Lakes of Canada<>
Sufjan Stevens- Rake
Holler to Welcome to the M!dwest! for the songs.

<><>

Let's talk about how Jasmine Trias is better than Diana DeGarmo...yeah, American Idol. I went there. Ok, but let's also talk about how Jasmine is up in the running for a contest involving the Fantanas (Don't ya Wanna?) and MySpace. WTF!?
Jasmine Trias- Excuses

Perhaps the greatest surprise about this contest is that there is a band who lists influences such as The Walkmen, Neutral Milk Hotel, Stevie Wonder, and The Decemberists. Oooh-ooh, this my shit.
The A-Sides- Sidewalk Chalk

It's like I'm at an Adam Freelander dance party and I can't stop moving!
Electric 6- Danger! High Voltage

Acoustified.
The Killers- Mr. Brightside (acoustic)

I think I posted this before, but this is a high quality version of a song by the self-proclaimed saviour of hip-hop.
Kanye West f/ Jay-Z- Diamonds from Sierra Leone (Remix)

Whatever. I just like this song.
Tegan & Sara- I Know I Know I Know

If you've ever rummaged through my iTunes, you will discover my secret. I happen to have a lot of theme songs from old TV shows. I share those with you, so you can recreate the opening sequences of your favorite shows in the comfort of your bedroom.
Laverne & Shirley
Three's Company
Happy Days
Gilligans Island
The Jeffersons (Movin' on Up)
The Love Boat
Diff'rent Strokes

Remember when the Foo Fighters didn't suck. I do.
Foo Fighters- Walking After You

This song is pretty. I don't care what you say.
Matchbox 20- 3am (acoustic/piano)

Which do you prefer??
Def Leppard- Pour Some Sugar on Me
vs.
Emm Gryner- Pour Some Sugar on Me
and
Daniel Bedingfield- Gotta Get Thru This
sibling rivalry with
Natasha Bedingfield- These Words

Finally, I have a deep dark secret that I'm ready to share with the blogosphere. It's like PostSecret, only this is worse! I really like this song. A whole lot. I sing along with it everytime I hear it on the radio. It speaks to my soul. Ok, so the last sentence isn't true.
Papa Roach- Scars
Forgive me blogosphere? Even I have weaknesses.


My weakness is that I care too much,
Joe John

A reminder!

From official totesumbrellas best girl ever, Jess Lane:

"Hey guys,

TODAY IS THE DAY. The long-awaited premiere of masterpiece "TEEN HOMICIDE" at the UCB Theatre. Remember to make reservations for tonight, to make sure you get seats. And as always it's recommended that you show up to the theater a little early.

You can make reservations at the ucbtheatre.com website at this link:
http://www.ucbtheatre.com/schedule/reservation_form.php?ShowCalendarID=5459

or call: 212 366 9176

Best way to get to the UCB by subway is the C or E to 23rd, or the 1 to 28th.

I'm really excited to see all of you there! And if you don't come for me,
come for Aziz Ansari and Rob Huebel's "Shutterbugs." "

Round trip Metro North ticket: $26
Channel 102 screening: $5
Being there for the beginning of Jess and Jon's internet fame (and meeting Aziz?): ...$31.

I predict an all-star theme song singalong, so study up:

Started out in high school
Now we're solving crimes
A rock and roll teenage taskforce
For teenage homicides
We're teeeeeeen homicide
Teeeeeeen homicide (yeah).

Plus you can hear how Jess and I crashed a wedding in Chinatown last night,
kb

20 July 2005

d-d-don't don't stop the homicide

Ok, people, I've been waiting for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince since I was still in a training bra, so I'm going to savor it!. This means that I, like Joe John, am cruising the 'net carefully. I mean, if I logged onto Pink or something and found out the ending, I would seriously poke my eyes out with popsicle sticks. For serious.

Teen Homicide
Taste the rainbow

Speaking of violence, you have to check out Jess Lane, Jon Golbe, and Jordan Fish's pilot for Channel 102: Teen Homicide. If Nancy Drew and one of the Hardy Boys were brother and sister who rocked out together while wearing Lycra tops, this would be their SNICK series.

Oh, and about Jenny M. and Becky Goldstein being famous? Read the article here. And to think that people scoff at me when I tell them that I took a Harry Potter class in college. Well, this is my United States of Whatever, bitches!

We gotta beat beat beat that'll beat ur beat,
Justin

19 July 2005

Teenage Mutant Ninja Bloggers!

Ok, so I must confess. I'm a slow reader. What does this mean to you?

I am avoiding the interweb and making a serious post until I'm done and I've had my way with Harry Potter. Oh, I'm also probably not reading your e-mails either. I have heard some gossip about Jenny M. and Becky Goldstein getting national recognition for their love of Harry Potter, but I don't have the details yet! Sorry.

However, I did carefully cruise through the internet and find this tid-bit of information...

There is going to be a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie! Everyone get your brightly colored rags out and let's run around with plastic weapons fighting imaginary monsters and accidentally hitting each other's faces!

The reason I bring this up is because of Vanilla Ice's "Ninja Rap 2", which Katie mentioned in her previous post.

Everything happens for a reason. Even Vanilla Ice. Most comforting thought of my life!

Voldemort Can't Stop the Rock,
Joe John

PS- I remind you that the mayor of Musicland can't stop the rock either.

PPS- The Management aren't the only ones going on a national tour! Check out Harry and the Potters...best band in existence. Unforch for me, they're coming to neither NYC, NJ, or CT. Road trip to MA???

18 July 2005

I spent the weekend in the Hamptons and didn't see anyone famous

This weekend was, of course, Siren Fest. Q and Not U got kids dancing hard in some hot hot heat. I got a sunburn like you wouldn't believe, but Jess Lane and I ate Nathan's corndogs. So worth it.

The Washington Monument Blinks Goodnight


Speaking of Jess Lane, she and Jon Golbe have begun production on a pilot for Channel 102 (the NYC equivalent of Channel 101, home of The 'Bu, House of Cosbys, etc.) "Teenage Homicide" is about a brother-sister crime-solving duo who investigate New York's most brutal teen murders. They are also in a rock band! Yessss! High fives!

Some news from the WTF desk:

I choked on my coffee this morning when I read this in the Times: "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others," a music-theater piece based on Smiths songs will be like Mamma Mia, but for the cult of teenage angst.

Vanilla Ice's New album, "Platinum Underground," will include Ninja Rap 2 and a cover of Destiny's Child's "Survivor." I just wish there could have been some Surreal Life inter-season love (Jane Wiedlin productions, Da Brat remixes). Via birthday boy Dan Fitchette.

America's love of Mariah Carey is about to slip from sincere ("always be my baby") to ironic ("glitter") to sincere again (god "we belong together" is a good song), and back to ironic ( she shows up at an event with abs airbrushed onto her body.)

The Onion vs. Gawker, softball style. Jessica Coen will have to take time out from being the first blogger on VH1 (like stepping on the moon, one giant leap for blogkind) and getting into a petty fight with Page Six.

Sandra Bullock marries the guy from that show "Monster Garage" where the dudes rebuild motorcycles. I care just enough about Miss Congeniality 2 and the fate of reality television to give this one a solid WTF.

Everything that matters I learned from VH1's "Fabulous Life of..." : Paris Hilton wears size 11 shoes. My respect for her grows each day.

Shit it's about to storm I gotta roll,
kb

p.s. Today I interviewed a dashing gentleman scholar who, when not teaching Tibetan orphans to read or interning at Harvard Law, plays rock music on an electric guitar. Our round of name-dropping included Selsam, Schranz, and Stylofone. The Fine Lines are going places, like to the Mercury Lounge (they would be too young to get in if they weren't headlining.) I like the last track on the page.

14 July 2005

Freeze!...or Please, Don't!

I've been freezing computers lately...apparently. I hope this works now. I've desperately tried to find the source of the problem. I was getting errors everytime I tried to post this, but having gotten errors before that proved to not cause problems, I just went through with the post anyways. This is now completely error free. E-mail me and let me know if your computer is no longer freezing. E-mail me if it still is...? Just keep me updated.

For some reason, the tunes in my last post aren't working. There are some gems in that batch, so here are the links...

For those of you who still haven't jumped on the Smoosh train...it's not too late!
Smoosh- It's Cold
Smoosh- Pygmy Motorcycle

In honor of that stupid M&M commercial...
The Postal Service- Such Great Heights (John Tejada remix)

If you can't make it to see Sufjan this summer, make sure to check out these live songs...
Sufjan Stevens- Chicago (live)
Sufjan Stevens- Casimir Pulaski Day (live)
Sufjan Stevens- John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (live)
a b-side from Illinois that you should be sure to have
Sufjan Stevens- Avalanche
In case you missed it...
Sufjan Stevens- The Lord God Bird (NPR exclusive)
And have a very Sufjan Christmas...
Sufjan Stevens- Come On! Let's Boogey to the Elf Dance!
Sufjan Stevens- Friendly Beasts
Sufjan Stevens- That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!
More here.

Independent Women...
Destiny's Child- Lose My Breath
...or your absolute anti-feminist slaves for the man.
Destiny's Child- Cater 2 U

I've put these mp3s up before but I can't help posting them again. Perfect summer tunes brought to you by Matt at You Ain't No Picasso.
Locksley- Don't Make Me Wait
Locksley- Into the Sun

Skeet on Mischa totally was right. This song isn't even bananas. It's worth checking out though.
Missy Elliott f/ Vybez Cartel & M.I.A.- Bad Man

And for all my thugs out there...
The Game f/ 50 Cent- How We Do
The Game f/ 50 Cent- Hate it or Love it
Snoop Dogg f/ Justin Timberlake and Charlie Wilson- Signs (David Beckham approved!)
Ying Yang Twins- Whisper
OL SKOOL JOINT: Run DMC- It's Tricky

Some pop covers...
Mickey Harte- I Don't Want You Back (Eamon)
Glen Hansard & Colin MacConIomaire of The Frames- Everytime (Britney Spears)

For the dorks among us...
Stan Lee- Fantastic 4 radio narration "Meet Dr. Doom"

This is my sorry for 2004,
Joe John

PS-
I ain't gonna mess up no more.

This goes out to all my baby mamas...

Mad love to Trent from Pink is the New Blog! Happy birthday even though I don't know you! Myself and several of our readers are obsessed with your blog. Keep it coming!
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Obligatory Live 8 Section of Post!

Ok, so you've probably watched a little bit of Live 8 here and there, but were you sure to catch...

Mad white people
, including David and Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, dropping it like it's hot (aka awkward head bobbing) to Snoop Dogg's "Signs". You can see the look of longing in David Beckham's eyes. He wants to hang out with "Mr. Snoopy", but Victoria ain't havin' it!

Simple Plan...performing at a concert for starving Africans...complaining about their lives.

A-Ha performing "Take On Me" like someone doing karaoke at a bar on Tuesday nights.

Shakira...moving like no woman I have ever seen.

Mariah Carey making me cream my pants because of her awesomeness. WARNING: THIS IS TOO DEEP (too deep). Remember this. It will prove to be important a little later.

The Black Eyed Peas...A) Sucking at life, B) Acting like rabid monkies in the beginning of this performance, and C) Making me want to kill Fergie even more.

Beyonce of Destiny's Child singing off-rhythm on "Say My Name" and "Survivor" ...later redeeming herself on "Girl", but being upstaged by Kelly's general tendency to be more talented and Michelle's general tendency to want to seem more important than she actually is. In other news, Beyonce is going all cajun on her sophomore solo album.

Will Smith bringing back the jiggy to our lives.

Jay-Z continuing with his least respectable career decision.

Stevie Wonder continuing to rock my world harder than ever.

Madonna trading an accessory of an Ethiopian famine survivor for breakdancers. Posing with hungry black people seems to be a trend in Hollywood these days. You should definitely check out the photoshopping people did with that homeless guy! My favorite is the X-Men one.

Catch the other performances.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Love corner!


Britney Spears tried to be sweet by wearing a shirt that says "I have the golden ticket" with a downward arrow to her baby/(ies). I suppose K-Fed wasn't smart enough to notify her that the arrow also points to her vag, and this could be construed as filthy to some people. Classy, Brit. Classy.

Speaking of celeb couples...Just when you thought the "TomKat" romance couldn't get any worse...it did. Katie Holmes is completely brainwashed. Her new "friend" Jessica Rodriguez talks more for her than she does herself. BONUS: picture. Yikes! At least the wedding will be simple. Tom Cruise's fake blog is actually better than I expected. Rather than personally attack him like the Lindsay Lohan blog does to my precious but under-nourished Lohan, it actually provides a satire of his real life.

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown are getting a bit of reality TV exposure thanks to Being Bobby Brown, but will Whitney pull a Janice Dickinson and hop onto the cast of another reality TV series...particularly American Idol!?! Mariah Carey was also considered.

Ex of Madonna, Dennis Rodman didn't think she was all that. Just alright.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are having a whole lot of sex though. And it's probably more than "just alright".

You already may know that Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson are back together...but did you know that he turned down Ron Jeremy when offered a porn career?

What is Joel Madden doing to my darling Hilary Duff!?! She looks like she came straight out of Hot Topic in these promo photos for her new video "Wake Up". The song, along with three other new original songs, is to appear on Most Wanted which is actually a REMIX album, not a greatest hits compilation. Oh, and how about her involvement with Aaron Carter, whose career is slowly moving down the drain. She's outraged that he claims he had a little muff of the Duff...and that Lindsay was a better kisser. Gross. Weren't Hilary and Aaron 12 when they started dating. I sure hope Hilary's not covering up on this one!
_________________________________________________

Random gossip!


Here's a music video that blows Hilary Duff away...and they're totally younger than her. This claymation shit deserves a VMA or something. Smoosh makes me happy.

The Spice Girls are recording a new album! Only they're not doing it in the same country. I wouldn't be quick to call this a reunion. Whatever...I'm totally buying their greatest hits CD. I mean...they're such losers!

Lindsay Lohan's father Michael Lohan insists that Lindsay has gotten thinner because of the anxiety of her parents' break-up. I always trust men who are in jail.

We at totesumbrellas aren't the only ones who like Trapped in the Closet. R. Kelly's hit CD debuted at #1 this week. Followed by Missy's The Cookbook...which I decided was a lot better than I thought originally. Chapters 6-10 are not too far from their release, as the R. has already written them. (last link thanks to Jenny Low!)

Jessica Alba thinks naked men are funny. Just a warning to potential suitors. She will laugh at your penis. Ok, so she was only talking about strippers...but that headline is too hilarious. She also won't do nude scenes.

Scarlett Johansson is dying to throw her top off though...and Wesleyan alum Michael Bay had to pretend that he didn't want her to just because of his damn PG-13 rating.

For Justin- Alanis Morisette is set to appear on Degrassi: The Next Generation in the three-part season finale. Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes are also going to be guest stars.

Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell is going to have to go through emotional doggy therapy after she finds out about these shirts! I am more of a fan of the t-shirt Missy Elliott got her dog-- "I hate Tinkerbell...that bitch has everything!"
______________________________________________

Things that piss me off, volume I!


There's this new M&M commercial. Now, some people may be angry that this stupid-ass cover by Iron & Wine is getting more exposure than it did in Garden State, but what I'm most angry about is that the song has lyrically NOTHING to do with M&Ms...or even kaleidoscopes! "I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned." This does not have anything to do with putting delicious candy-coated chocolate into your mouth. PS- I hate chocolate, but only called it delicious for effect.

I can't stand seeing cute people go wrong! Fefe Dobson, barely one-hit wonder of the past year going from looking like this...to looking TORN UP AS ALL HELL. Maybe someone told you goth was in, but ugly certainly is not.

The trailer for Ashlee Simpson's big-screen debut Undiscovered is so disappointing. The plot involves a romantic connection due to a lost glove...it's very reminiscent of this blockbuster movie but has less ironic value. No irony? No awesome? No me buying a ticket. Sorry, Ashlee. I may love "La La", but this movie isn't even worth the price of a student discount ticket at Destinta.

Some idiot on the Oh No They Didn't livejournal forums posted something about Fantastic 4 being a rip-off of The Incredibles. "Mrs. Invisible has the same powers as Violet, and Mr. Fantastic has the same powers as Mrs. Incredible." I personally think Stan Lee himself needs to hunt the bitch who said this down and kill her. The Fantastic 4 were brought to life in 1961. The Incredibles were brought to life a few years ago. Sometimes, I hate people. Whatevs, if you care to read the very first Fantastic Four comic...go here.

Some people have a lot of nerve. I can't believe this fucking comedian dissed Mariah Carey like this! "What do you call a stuffed sausage in English?"...and discussing cellulite? And then lil prudie judgmental bitch Joss Stone goes off on Mariah for performing "We Belong Together" at Live 8! Mimi doesn't need to deal with that type of stuff. She deserves better. She's been emancipated! OK!?! That's ok Mariah. Shake it off...

Ok, it may just be an idea that is being considered, but who thought putting a black team of executives against a white team of executives on reality television would be a good idea? I'll tell you who. Donald Trump. This is idea makes me cringe just as much as The Swan. Seriously, let's go for ratings by incorporating racial tension! Fuck you Donald Trump. Fuck you.

I can't stand the number of times the X-Men 3 line-up has changed. I don't know what to believe about the new film. Apparently it's going to involve elements of the Astonishing X-Men comic series but also needs to cover the Dark Phoenix Saga. Filming is supposed to start the 20th, and apparently they don't have a full cast or script. This is a disaster. There's also the fact that Kelly Hu signed a contract to play Lady Deathstrike (the hot chick with the big claws) again. Lady Deathstrike DIED in X2!!! Now there are rumors that both Serena and Venus Williams are up for the role of "Pherma" (known in the comics as Stacy X), a bisexual hooker mutant that ooozes sexuality. Explain to me how you can combine the Dark Phoenix Saga, a mutant losing their powers, a bisexual hooker mutant, and the introduction of brand new characters (Shadow Cat and Beast) into one cohesive movie!?! You can't!!! I hope I don't regret saying this on May 26, 2006...when the movie is scheduled to be released in theaters.

EDIT: Yes, I know Shadow Cat and Beast had cameo roles in X2. So did Jubilee...moreso in the special features of the DVD. However, it's a bit more difficult to completely develop a character than just show them walking through a wall for a hot second.
__________________________________________

Tunes!

EDIT: Apologies for the faulty tune links. I have tried my best to edit and repost them.

My idea of feminism is listening to Destiny's Child,
Joe John

10 July 2005

Fantastic

This weekend Matt, Cooper, and I went temporarily insane and decided to see Fantastic Four. I planned on writing a review that burned like 1000 STDs, and then I saw this: Fantastic Four stops Hollywood's box office slump. G-ddman I hate the world sometimes. Anyway, I'm all for ending the slump, but this is not the movie with which to do it. Let me clarify: DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. Though it does have some amazing lines like "That's my nose...these are my lips." and "Let's not fight. No, let's!" Ok, fine, see it for ironic pleasure, but if you see it and truly enjoy it, I'll punch you in the face. That's a promise, ho.

I hope that you all caught Live 8 when MTV/VH1 re-aired it this weekend. No commercials and full(er) sets makes me a happy cable viewer. For a rundown on why it sucked the first time around, read this. And in related news, Bob Geldof is in the running for the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize.

Biggy, Biggy, Biggy, can't you see: sometimes your wrongful death suit just bores me.

Oh, and you should know that sending death threats to stars will get your ass thrown in jail. Especially if you have a "girlie crush" on Michael Douglas.

We gonna make you lose control,
Justin

09 July 2005

BLAZIN!

Ok, this just needed to be posted immediately, before it was removed from the internet. I hate Rapidshare, but you need to download this song immediately. It's very reminiscent of Missy Elliott's "Gossip Folks" lyrically...and it's mad gangsta!

"Star Jones don't like me. She cheap and I like the best. DAMN, it must feel good to Payless!"

Lil Kim- Shut Up Bitch!
(to use RapidShare, click "Free" at the bottom. If you scroll down, within a few seconds after a countdown, there will be a link to the song. Save that shiz!)

Speaking of Star Jones...Field reporter Eliza Ford was invited to P. Diddy's White Party. Sightings included Star Jones...who looked like a drag queen. Apparently, her husband looked more like a drag queen, wearing more make-up than Star and Eliza combined. Alan Thicke of Growing Pains fame was also there, with a girl between 18-20. We hope it was his daughter. The last sighting was Sarah Jessica Parker, who appeared with her son...apparently she was mad cute dot com, and later was spotted buying bagels! Celebrities. They're just like US!

Used to have a little, now I have a lot,
Joe John

08 July 2005

This is too deep! I gotta change the station!

OK...I'm sorry. I haven't had a moment to write a long post and probably won't until next Monday. So for now, deal with a few non-traditional not-too-informational short posts...

If you missed R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet hip-hopera mini-movie...you can catch it tonight (technically tomorrow) at midnight. MIDNIGHT SHOWINGS!?! I was right. This is the next Rocky Horror Picture Show. Instead of dressing up all gothy, people can dress in bathrobes and lip-synch along to the music video. It'll be a ground-breaking historical experience.

Mariah Carey wants to remake Breakfast at Tiffany's as a musical...This is from In Touch Weekly, so believe it if you want. I remain skeptical. I still think it'd be the best thing ever though. And by best thing, I mean Glitter...without the hilarity of Da Brat.

Missy Elliott's new album is ok...but slightly disappointing. The song with M.I.A. is not the instant hit I expected. The album itself includes lines like, "In love like Beyonce love Jigga" and a hilarious introduction to a song by American Idol's Fantasia Barrino. "Your name is Missy Elliott? My name is Fantasia Barrino...and all I can give you is Fantasia Barrino." You have to hear it to laugh. The intonation is the most ridiculous shit ever.

Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys thinks you need more rock. I'm going to deliver some of that to you...

First off, Q and Not U broke up. If you're the kind of person who even knows who Q and Not U is...then you probs knew this already. If you're not one of those people, listen to this mp3 and decide whether you care.

Q and Not U- Wonderful People

In other news, I just saw the tour dates for the Of Montreal & The Management concert. One important date stood out...Scroll down and let me know if you can tell which one I'm talking about!

-23 - Carrboro, NC - Cat’s Cradle*
8-24 - Asheville, NC - Grey Eagle*
8-25 - Baltimore, MD - Ottobar*
8-26 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church*
8-27 - Brooklyn, NY - Northsix*
8-28 - Montreal, QC - La Sala Rossa*
8-29 - Ottawa, ON - TBA*
8-30 - Toronto, ON - Lee’s Palace *
8-31 - Ann Arbor, MI - Blind Pig*
9-1 - Champaign, IL- Canopy Club*
9-2 - Chicago, IL - Abbey Pub *
9-3 - Minneapolis, MN - Triple Rock Social Club (early Show) ***
9-4 - Omaha, NE- Sokol Underground*
9-5 - Madison, WI - Club 770 Union South @ UW Madison*
9-6 - Dekalb, IL / Columbus, OH/ Kalamazoo, MI - TBA*
9-7 - Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom*
9-8 - Pittsburgh, PA - The Andy Warhol Museum*
9-9 - Buffalo, NY - The Buffalo ICON *
9-10 - Albany, NY - Valentine’s*
9-11 - Cambridge, MA - The Middle East Downstairs*
9-12 - Burlington, VT - TBA*

9-13 - Middletown, CT - TBA*
9-14 - Northampton, MA - Pearl Street*
9-15 - New York, NY - Kork TX / Polyvinyl Records CMJ Showcase @ Knitting Factory
9-16 - Charlottesville, VA - Satellite Ballroom*
9-17 - Charlotte, NC - The Casbah at Tremont Music Hall*


UM...What!?! Of Montreal and The Management are playing at my house! Ok, so that's a lie. They're probably playing at Eclectic...and I don't even have a house!

Here are all the mp3s from both bands that I could ever find, mostly taken from Of Montreal's own website...
Of Montreal- So Begins our Alabee
Of Montreal- Requiem for O.M.M.2
Of Montreal- Wraith Pinned to the Mist (and other games)
Of Montreal- Disconnect the Dots
Of Montreal- Lysergic Bliss
Of Montreal- Know Your Onion (The Shins cover)
Of Montreal- Spanish Dance Troupe (Gorky's Zygotic Mynci's cover)
Of Montreal- Delinquency (V Twins cover)
Of Montreal- Color Me In (Broadcast cover)
Of Montreal- Pancakes for One
Of Montreal- A Question for Emily Foreman
Of Montreal- My What a Strange Day with a Swede
Of Montreal- An Ill-Treated Hiccup
Of Montreal- Penelope
Of Montreal- Hello from Inside a Shell
Of Montreal- The Problem with April
Of Montreal- True Friends Don't Want to Do Things Like That
Of Montreal- Jacques Lamure
Of Montreal- Nickee Coco and the Invisible Tree
Of Montreal- You Feel You Must Go, Don't Go!
Of Montreal- It's Easy to Sleep When You're Dead
Of Montreal- You Are an Airplane
Of Montreal- On the Drive Home
Of Montreal- Baby
Of Montreal- In Dreams I Dance with You
The Management- We Care
The Management- Everything is Happenin' So Fast
The Management- Just Becuz
The Management- Love Always Remains
More tracks by The Management on MySpace.

Come on Boots!,
Joe John

06 July 2005

Don't Forget!

Sufjan Stevens mp3 on NPR

I also hope you all caught Trapped in the Closet. If not, you can watch the five-part movie with me this fall...unless you don't go to Wesleyan. Then you'll have to figure something else out.

Trapped in Trapped in the Closet,
Joe John, Chapter III

04 July 2005

Happy Birthday America!!!

It may be America's birthday today, but have you celebrated the more important birthdays of the weekend? This past Saturday was Lindsay Lohan's 19th birthday...did you remember to send a card? The following day was everyone's favorite creepy Scientologist's birthday, Tom Cruise! Forget the card...send some sanity to him.

OK, so thanks to Chris McDonald, my Destiny will be Fulfilled. I plan on seeing Beyonce, Kelly, and Michelle catering 2 me in concert at Mohegan Sun. However, while a reunion isn't out of question, I am still very sad about their split. How can you help this sadness? Click here. My birthday is September 24th. A large group of you could come up with $60. I promise that I will pose them in pictures and make a video montage if I receive all 3. I'm serious about this. I really want them.

Ok, so you're busy cleaning up the vom from thinking about Britney Spears' naked preggers body...or if you're a sicko you're busy cleaning up the...never mind. Either way, you can see Britney's very clothed body in her new video, which debuted after the final episode of Chaotic, which you probably didn't watch because you were so frustrated with the only other episode of Chaotic that you saw. The video is entirely black & white, involving lots of tummy hugging, soul-searching, and God or something like that. Pay attention to her expressions. They're very important here.

Jennifer Lopez apparently thinks that Mariah Carey's single "It's Like That" is to blame for the diva's flop of a first single "Get Right". What Ms. Lopez fails to realize is that "Get Right" wasn't really that good of a song, and "Hold You Down" was even worse. Maybe she should have gotten emancipated, and then she could have sold more albums. The fact of the matter is that she'll never top the success of the "I'm Real" remix with Ja Rule. Just leave it all behind J. Lo...it's just like that! OK!?!

Also on a similar note, Christina Aguilera's "The Emancipation of XTina" will not include a song by a young songwriter named Aurora Lynne. ¿Por qué? Because Aurora Lynne is apparently the alias of one Britney Spears. Christina also didn't invite Brit to her wedding, because she herself wasn't invited to the Spederline union. Today's popstars are so mature!!

I mentioned before that David Beckham and Snoop Dogg were becoming besties, but what I didn't know before is that Victoria (Posh Spice) wasn't having it. Mrs. Beckham told Davey it was a no-go for his hangout with "Mr. Snoopy".

Back to Mariah...Mimi loves the homeless and crippled! If you don't believe me...watch this hilarious video in which she poses diplomatically with a man in a wheelchair, then proceeds to go into her limo. I'm not kidding you. Also of note is the cameo vocal presence of Da Brat-tat-tat. Ok, so only two seconds of this video is actually hilarious. But it sure as hell is worth it.

Imagine this. Roger from Sister, Sister...NAKED?!?! I was ok with his sexed-out smooth R&B jams...but I don't think I can handle Marques Houston posing naked in Playgirl.

Pink (the singer, not of "is the new blog") is getting married to Carey Hart. Yes, he is going to be on The Surreal Life with mad hot bitches and Omarosa next season. No, he did not sing "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night". That was Corey Hart. No relation.

Wesleyan's own celebs should take a tip from Us Weekly's latest article, which tells you how to pose for pictures like a celeb. Now, you too can look like Oprah!!! Or you can just discuss...Did Nicole steal Paris' pose? Was it even Paris' to begin with?

Studies show...Teen girls aren't as stupid as we think.

Apparently TLC is still going strong...minus the L. So does that make them TC now? T-Boz and Chili posed for some pictures...I cried a little, because Lefteye was my fave.

This list is sure to make Lily Costner blush more than she did at that one Gag Reflex show where they made fun of Waterworld. Here's hoping that she doesn't read our blog...


Cheaper by the Dozen may have been craptastic...but the sequel will be amazing, even in the pure ironic sense. Why? Because Carmen Electra and Eugene Levy are joining the cast as the parents of a competing family. No, you read that right. Carmen Electra and Eugene Levy are playing a married couple. Who else wants to buy their tickets the moment it comes out?

Jessica Alba is not only hot, but she is totally bad-ass. She punched a shark...IN THE FACE!!!!

Pamela Anderson- Back with Tommy Lee. Her mom wishes she were a lesbian.

Jennifer Aniston apparently checks into hotels as "Mrs. Smith" in a humorous jab at Angelina. I love her.

Apparently, you don't have to win American Idol to get a record deal or a career.

Today's musical acts are getting cockier and cockier. The Darkness were thinking of titling their upcoming album "Full of Hits" because it apparently will have eight massive singles on it. They also have plans to woo Tina Turner out of retirement for one of these songs.

Do they know it's...Halloween?...a bunch of musical artists that span from The Arcade Fire to Clay Aiken want to know. Given this line-up, I'm wondering if Clay Aiken is being considered indie music these days...

OK, so Death Cab for Cutie may be candy for The O.C., but I still love them to death. Read this article and see the tracklist, hear about their "Cheerios" idea for a music video, and see some morbid lyrics that will never top "I squeeze tube so much gogurt".

Sufjan Stevens is recording a new song for NPR. Make sure to download it on the 6th! Also, check out this interview.

TUNES!

Don't question me. Just download it. A.C. Newman is the reason I survived my summer vacation. This is also one of my personal favorite tracks on Twin Cinema, along with "Use It" and "These are the Fables". If you haven't acquired a copy of this album, do so immediately. It is required listening for you to be my friend.
The New Pornographers- Sing Me Spanish Techno

Here is a lo-fi mp3 of another new Kanye West song. It sucks. So does Jamie Foxx pretending to be Ray Charles.
Kanye West f/ Jamie Foxx- Golddigger

For those who like to remember times when they weren't alive, here is a link to some ol skool Coca Cola jingles f/ Tom Jones, Aretha Franklin, The Supremes, the real Ray Charles, Marvin Gaye, and Nancy Sinatra.

The Unicorns may be gone, but you can always listen to their spin-off band, The Islands.
The Islands- Abominable Snow
The Islands- Flesh

The music of Basia Bulat is some of the best Canadian stuff to meet my ears in a long time. I tend to criticize the sentiment that Canadian music equals good music. Take a look at Sum41...or Celine Dion. Basia Bulat lives up to that sentiment though. Pretty.
Basia Bulat- Distance
Basia Bulat- Snakes and Ladders
Basia Bulat- Sugar and Spice

This is mostly for Goldblatt, since I hate live recordings but love Architecture in Helsinki...I'm posting this shiz.
Architecture in Helsinki, live on some radio station
features "It's 5!", "The Owls Go", "Do the Whirlwind", and more!

I don't know how I feel about this. While it is a perfectly crafted mash-up...it's pretty boring. Given our dedication to providing every version of "Since U Been Gone", I felt an obligation to post it.
Kelly Clarkson vs. The Eagles- Spending One of These Night With Kelly

Stream Missy Elliott's The Cookbook...There are a few standout tracks. If you haven't heard "Lose Control" yet, hop on that!!

Finally, some tracks from Britney.
Britney Spears- Chaotic (theme to show)
Britney Spears- Someday I Will Understand (bad quality)

In love like Beyonce and Jigga,
Joe John