29 June 2005

see you l8r boi

I know you all saw the Stella premiere last night, but before we get to New York comedy socialite Jess Lane's pre-party report, a few items of business:

How Stella got it taken away again: in the most depressing and hilarious way possible, apparently. Author Terry MacMillan and pool boy or something Jonathan Plummer are getting divorced. Turns out the marriage-turned-book-turned-vh1 "movie that rocks" was all lies. Czech this fantastic one-two punch: dude only married her to get citizenship (!), and he's gay (!!) Sort of puts a damper on any sort of sequel.
That sucks, girl.

Nike ad guy: "Let's rip off a Minor Threat album cover to sell shoes."
Nike yes man: "Yes that is a good idea that could never get us in trouble."
What.. I just... I... what?! I hate America. Canada, however:

One step forward: Gay marriage officially legal in Canada.

Two steps back: This marriage also about to be legal in Canada. Avril + non-descript Sum-41 guy = do you think their babies will come out of the womb already wearing Hot Topic skull ties?

And speaking of Stella and girls getting their grooves back:

The Stella Pre-Premiere Party Report
Monday's NYC Stella party, thrown by The Onion, as told by Jess Lane.

"I got to the theater at like 5pm, then magically a line of people formed
behind me, so I was like second in line.

FREE BEER! Totally the coolest thing. We got complimentary Grolsch Flip-Tops. There were 16 ounces of beer in those Flip-Tops! Also weird:
an entire room full of people drinking the same beer. Also: NO CARDING. I
am going to go ahead and say that free beer gives me a boner.

STELLA! EPISODE 1! Best parts are: Michael Showalter's face looking
funny. David Wain being sexy. Michael Black dancing to FUNK rock. Bottom
line is, theres an emphasis on physical comedy and visual gags. Just so
much random shit. Pillows, skunk tails. I mean, by now, you've seen
it. I think its got a very vaudevillian feel, kind of some references to
silent film era comedy. Marx Brothers maybe, Chaplin. The show is
excecuted in a way that is very aware of itself as a performance piece. I
especially love when Michael Black looks into the camera.

Another interesting point of interest: highlighting the fact that women
aren't funny by making the women completely non-desirable, likable, or
amusing. Stella hates women.

There are a couple of wet hot-esque moments in the Stella episode. The
first instance being the car crashing into a tree, obvs so much like Victor
singing Danny's song and crashing into a tree. The second being the 80's
dance sequence which totally calls to mind Gene teaching Coop the NEW

Other people who I love who were in the premier: AD MILES!!!! ED
!!!!! Both total babes.

THEN the guys showed up for a Q n A. Highlights!!! Two of them!!

1. Some guy: "How'd you come up with the name Stella?" Showalter: "Do you
know those Stella D'Or Breadsticks? It's like that, only without the D'Or
Breadsticks part." That was literally the only interesting question or
answer. I'd like to see you come up with a better question.

2. Some dumb ho: "If Gary doesn't think penis in vagina is sex, then what
does he think it is?" This question was met with confused gaping mouths
from Show and Wain. Then me, the asshole, cried out, "That's the
joke!!!" Then I cackled like a witch and raped babies. That was probably
the douchiest thing I've ever done, but that girl deserved it.

Also great: David Wain talking on his cellhpone with Micheal Black because
MIB got there late. It was a spectacular entrance. And the first thing
MIB said when Wain put him on speakerphone was "Fuck the
audience." Michael Black seemed much more jokey and non-serious about his
answers, while Showalter and Wain were really laid back and chill and then
they made out with me. Just David Wain.

He is such a nazi,
Jess Lane"

That's all I've got. Will we see each other at the Malkmus/Yo La Tengo July 4th shakedown? Maybe it will take our minds off this bullshit. Maybe we'll all skip work on Tuesday to see Dan Selsam 's band. Maybe I'll just get the week off and come in tonight for David Byrne. Then maybe I'll fly home on a unicorn.

There is a woman who works here named Karen O.,


Justin said...

The worst part about the Avril/Sum41dood's marriage is that A's getting Paris' sloppy seconds. It's like she's spending One Night in Paris once removed. And that, my friends, is nasty.

Also, Jess Lane needs to teach me how to be cool. It'll be in a movie (that rocks?). Called "He's All That".

Craigers said...

There was a 3rd Wet Hot American Summer Moment when David played tonsil hockey with the real estate agent. "What are we doing?"....."I don't know." smooch smooch smooch. And they played that saxophone solo that played when the goat runs by the star crossed lovers.

Canadian Pop Punk Wannabe Love is so cute

Joe John said...

um...I can't believe I missed Stella. I need to start watching television again. On that note...I want to incorporate this phrase into my everyday life as a compliment.

"Stella called. She wants her groove back."

Also, Jess Lane should write for us more. I <3 her. We should discuss totes expansion and recruitment of a freshperson at some point. Then we should give up on frosh and just make our friends write for us.

Katey said...

Beause Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were not mentioned in this post, I just want to say that, in talking with a reporter from the New York ABC affiliate who was at the War of the Worlds premiere, the Tom and Katie show has been determined to be "so fake." Just, you know, in case you need further confirmation.

And I guess now that one Stella has lost her groove, another Stella has come to pick it up back up again. ZING!