Threadless is having a $10 sale until June 6th! If you haven't heard of Threadless, it's a website where independent t-shirt designers submit designs for shirts. The shirts are then voted on by viewers and then the best ones are sold. The shirts range from emo, to hilarious, to offensive, to downright morbid. Some of the shirts even cover more than one of those categories.
Now, onto manuals that teach fifth graders about licking butt! Over 100 middle-school aged children saw a grown man's penis...in a pamphelet handed out at a student fair in Brookline, MA. The queer sex manual taught students how to use a condom along with teaching them about suckin', fuckin', whether to spit or swallow, licking butt, watersports, fisting (seriously, WTF?), and mutual jerkin' off. I can only say so much. See it. This is the kind of kid who will need this manual. This should have been nominated for some kind of choreography award "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"
Onward! We now look into the lives of some of the most important people in today's history...
These days, Britney Spears is all pregnant with a television show that is doing horrible in the ratings. Remember the days when she was at the height of her fame?...No, not "Oops...I Did it Again!" silly!...I mean, the Pepsi commercial. Wait? I've never seen this one. You probably haven't either, have you? Britney and some soccer balls in the other commercial.
Paris Hilton may be engaged to Paris, but word on the streets is that she's got the hots for Fiddy Cent. I guess she wants to get taken to the "Candy Shop". Mr. Cent has yet to respond to this. Paris is filming a movie in which she runs into a navel officer with her car, gets out, and then proceeds to kick him. See pictures.
Paris isn't the only one running into people. This time it's The Backstreet Boys, it's not for a movie, and it's one of their fans.
Also, this time the celebrity is the victim. Lindsay Lohan's car got trashed. In other news, Lindsay might be going to Boston University. I don't really believe this, since this is the only source of the information. If she is...then this calls for a road trip! BT-dubs, Just My Luck looks increds.
Someone please explain to me what young women see in this porcupine's excuse for a man. A Ryan Cabrera photoshoot. For those of you who have no idea who Ryan is, he is a popular rock "artist" who formerly dated Ashlee Simpson. Speaking of Ashlee, Angela from ResLife was telling me about an episode of her show where she had to change the lyrics to "La La" for her Super Bowl show. The new lyrics were, "You can dress me up in diamonds, you can dress me in a shirt. You can throw me like a lineman, I like it better when we flirt." and "I'll bring you lemonade when I meet you at the door." That my friends is CLASSIC.
Beyonce Knowles has been banned from eating curry by her trainer. Apparently, she can never be as skinny as she's like to be...Meanwhile, in this photoshoot...her ribs look bigger than her boobs.
Have you been inexplicably happy ever since you started listening to Franz Ferdinand? Well, that's because they've inserted ridiculously positive subliminal messages into their music. They plan to do the same on their second album.
WORST MASH-UP EVER. Snoop Dogg is set to play a mash-up set with The Red Hot Chili Peppers for Amsterjam. LOOK BITCHES, this may have sold records for Jay-Z and Linkin Park...but please...STOP IT.
The latest trailer for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory makes it look like it will be fantastic...contrary to my previous doubts. The only part I hate is when Will Wonka asks Veruca not to touch that squirrel's nuts. I ask Tim Burton, is that really true to the book as promised? Gene Wilder criticized this movie, saying it was only a plot to make money. Meanwhile, Gene is doing a voice for Over the Hedge, an animated movie featuring the voices of Bruce Willis, Garry Shandling, Steve Carell, and Wanda Sykes. The movie is sure to be as big of a hit as Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, Shark Tale, Robots, and let's not forget Racing Stripes.
More fun with imdb...working with Charlie Van der Poel, I have learned a lot of weird things. For starters, Orson Welles not only starred in Citizen Kane, but ALSO voiced the character of Unicron in Transformers: The Movie. Don't believe me? Also, Charlie showed me this nifty internet tool through which I discovered that Max Goldblatt has a Bacon number of only 2. That's right...Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon the easy way. I almost titled this post "Six Degrees of Max Goldblatt" but I figured that it might creep Max out considering the number of times I've mentioned him on this site and the number of hours we've spent together in real life. Whatever, the internet is the new real life.
Someone explain how I missed this...a TV movie featuring Paula Abdul and the line, "These shoes are proof that God loves us and wants us to have nice things." See the original commercial for Romy and Michelle: In the Beginning...which you already missed.
Jenny Low and fellow Peter Pan enthusiasts would love this...On June 20th, Lifetime is premiering a TV movie that is sure to beat out Riding the Bus with My Sister as the best TV movie of all time (well, not likely). The movie is about a young man who is introduced to internet pornography by one of his peers. He becomes obsessed with it. It is called Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life (which totally sounds like the title of a porno itself). Oh yeah, and it's starring Jeremy Sumpter (who some would refer to as Jeremy Scrumdiddlyumptious), star of the latest Peter Pan movie.
There seems to be a curse on the third installment of Hollywood blockbusters. Do you understand a word that is coming out of my mouth? Because I said that Chris Tucker walked away from $20 million, as he also walked away from the filming of Rush Hour 3. Also, the X-Men have Xed themselves out when it comes to directors. X-Men 3 has lost it's second director, Matthew Vaughn, to personal reasons. Word on the street is that almost dropped out of Jar Jar BinksRevenge of the Sith due to self-esteem issues caused by the response to his first role. We can only hope Justin Timberlake drops out of Shrek 3.
Katie may hate me for this, but Alexis Bledel (Gilmore Girls, Sin City, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) seriously looks like she's from another planet. The girl is porcelain.
Avril Lavigne enthusiasts may recognize both the plot and the title of this movie. What I'd personally like to recognize is that this movie is starring Ashanti, Nicole Richie, Omarion, Joel Madden of Good Charlotte, and Noel Bastian (who played Chad Linus in 2gether). I'm going to see this the moment it comes out, can I make it anymore obvious?
Who would seriously threaten suicide to meet David Hasselhoff you ask? Someone. That's all that matters. Oh, and if you haven't seen this...watch it NOW.
EVERYONE FAMOUS IS TAKING OFF THEIR CLOTHING!!!
Here's a picture of that (actually) gay Dave Moffatt character of The Moffatts. He recently auditioned on Canadian Idol. Word on the street is that he made it, thought I'm not so sure about Clay Aiken's clone.
Dave Moffatt and his Mof-fatty in his undies
Beneath a picture of a non-naked Hilary Duff with her cable guy, is a bevy of naked women. Their pictures were taken for an Elton John organized charity auction made to raise money to fight the AIDS epidemic. The featured ladies included Kelis, Pamela Anderson, Nikki Hilton, Kate Moss, Elle McPherson, Tatjana Patitz, Aimee Mullins, Malia Jones, Rebecca Romjin Stamos, and Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice).
NOT SAFE FOR WORK...
See the ladies here
A super bowl half-time alternative that most straight men won't miss features a whole lot of hot chicks tackling eachother. Below is a photoshoot featuring Adrianne Curry, The Real World's Trishelle, Cindy Margolis, Willa Ford, Cynthia Lea, Holly Weber, Leila Milani, Meriah Nelson, and Shantelle Stanley. Oh yeah...and Christopher Knight and Chuck Liddell, but they're fully clothed.
Babes!
Talk about SURREAL life...Peter Brady oiling up America's Next Top Model. Next thing you know, Kim Stolz will be hooking up with our favorite child actors of the past.
To this I say, who cares?
Landon from The Real World in his underwear...apparently he has a big penis.
Janet Jackson is starring in her boy toy Jermaine Dupri's video as a sexy stripper...
(NOT SAFE FOR WORK)
but I bet she didn't think we'd see her sunbathing.
Apparently, Pink still exists.
See her all dolled up and covering her boobies
Halle Berry might show all in Playboy...but we'll have to wait and see. Apparently, Britney Spears offered to pose, but asked for too much money...
Here's a picture of that (actually) gay Dave Moffatt character of The Moffatts. He recently auditioned on Canadian Idol. Word on the street is that he made it, thought I'm not so sure about Clay Aiken's clone.
Dave Moffatt and his Mof-fatty in his undies
Beneath a picture of a non-naked Hilary Duff with her cable guy, is a bevy of naked women. Their pictures were taken for an Elton John organized charity auction made to raise money to fight the AIDS epidemic. The featured ladies included Kelis, Pamela Anderson, Nikki Hilton, Kate Moss, Elle McPherson, Tatjana Patitz, Aimee Mullins, Malia Jones, Rebecca Romjin Stamos, and Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice).
NOT SAFE FOR WORK...
See the ladies here
A super bowl half-time alternative that most straight men won't miss features a whole lot of hot chicks tackling eachother. Below is a photoshoot featuring Adrianne Curry, The Real World's Trishelle, Cindy Margolis, Willa Ford, Cynthia Lea, Holly Weber, Leila Milani, Meriah Nelson, and Shantelle Stanley. Oh yeah...and Christopher Knight and Chuck Liddell, but they're fully clothed.
Babes!
Talk about SURREAL life...Peter Brady oiling up America's Next Top Model. Next thing you know, Kim Stolz will be hooking up with our favorite child actors of the past.
To this I say, who cares?
Landon from The Real World in his underwear...apparently he has a big penis.
Janet Jackson is starring in her boy toy Jermaine Dupri's video as a sexy stripper...
(NOT SAFE FOR WORK)
but I bet she didn't think we'd see her sunbathing.
Apparently, Pink still exists.
See her all dolled up and covering her boobies
Halle Berry might show all in Playboy...but we'll have to wait and see. Apparently, Britney Spears offered to pose, but asked for too much money...
Moving on...
TUNES!
See what all the rage is about...
Architecture in Helsinki- Do the Whirlwind
I'm partial to the Haima Remix of that song.
We talk about her all the time, so we might as well post a song about her...which has ridiculous lyrics I tell you.
Mu- Paris Hilton
See the video here, because this blog doesn't exoticize Asian people enough.
During one night of late-night printmaking...someone was playing Slick Rick. Having listened to a lot of his music, I have to say that I love his mode of telling stories of his sexual conquests. I especially love when he uses his "female voice".
Slick Rick- Mona Lisa
Here's a song by some more Canadians...
Novillero- The Hypothesist
Here is another one...
Novillero- Art of Carrying On
Hot damn.
R. Kelly has recently talked about a hip-hopera in five chapters that he is compiling. Here is the fourth chapter. It's kind of boring in the beginning but it gets all sorts of intense towards the end. I'm embarassed to admit that I was kind of rocking out to it. Then she cries out, "Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax" and I say, "cool, climax!"
R. Kelly- Trapped in the Closet (Chapter 4)
Ok, so I'm kind of obsessed with it.
See what all the rage is about...
Architecture in Helsinki- Do the Whirlwind
I'm partial to the Haima Remix of that song.
We talk about her all the time, so we might as well post a song about her...which has ridiculous lyrics I tell you.
Mu- Paris Hilton
See the video here, because this blog doesn't exoticize Asian people enough.
During one night of late-night printmaking...someone was playing Slick Rick. Having listened to a lot of his music, I have to say that I love his mode of telling stories of his sexual conquests. I especially love when he uses his "female voice".
Slick Rick- Mona Lisa
Here's a song by some more Canadians...
Novillero- The Hypothesist
Here is another one...
Novillero- Art of Carrying On
Hot damn.
R. Kelly has recently talked about a hip-hopera in five chapters that he is compiling. Here is the fourth chapter. It's kind of boring in the beginning but it gets all sorts of intense towards the end. I'm embarassed to admit that I was kind of rocking out to it. Then she cries out, "Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax" and I say, "cool, climax!"
R. Kelly- Trapped in the Closet (Chapter 4)
Ok, so I'm kind of obsessed with it.
That's all for today.
Hold me like you did by the lake in Naboo,
Joe John
NEXT: Skippy the Goth Kangaroo
Joe John
NEXT: Skippy the Goth Kangaroo
6 comments:
I love how Charlie gets bolded...just like Lilo.
Yay for Charlie.
And Angela of Reslife.
Wesleyan forever.
Oh Lord--that 10 year old popstar thing is amazing. The choreography (especially the part near the end when he pauses, puts his head down and his hands on his knees, like he's taking a moment), the mysteriously absent backup singers, the SIDEBURNS
I saw the R&M prequel. It was pretty dumb, but worth wasting an hour and a half of your time, except the fact that the end is worthless and there's this whole "let's model our lives after those of prostitutes/pretty woman pre-Richard Gere" element that is...creative? But no worries-it's abc family! They rerun their original movies all the time.
When I saw a blurb that said "Vaughn" was backing out of X-3, I had a fleeting moment of panic until I remembered that Michael Vaughn isn't Michael Vartan's real name (or even Alias name, as the season finale told us)and they were referring to another Vaughn. Anyway, X-3 could have benefitted from Vartan's supreme prettiness, but I guess he's too busy making JLo movies to make me happy.
Alexis looked better in "Sisterhood" when she had a few freckles. Girlfriend must NEVER SEE THE SUNLIGHT. Plus, why are the four of them wearing the least attractive/flattering dresses of all time? Was it a contest? America won.
You're right: the internet is the new real life.
And I like the new Charlie trailer and all, but I can't help but feeling A) like I've just seen the whole movie in 60 seconds and B) that it's lacking the creepiness that made the first trailer so great. I <3 creepy.
That movie about internet porn speaks to me....kidding?
if only george lucas could write the dialogue for real life.
p.s. can i watch gilmore girls at your house? i'm going through withdrawal pretty hard.
I like how the MTV reference points for subliminal messages are the Beatles (natch), Floyd, and... Iron Maiden? I know of one Maiden tune with backwards-talkin', but it's pretty up-front...
Anyway. I forgot what I was going to say.
I like this better.
Me to Daniel Stern in "Bushwhacked"
Daniel Stern to Kevin Bacon in "Diner"
Joe John, you creep me out.
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