13 June 2005

After this, I'm retiring from not being famous...

That means I should be famous. Now. No? Damnit.

Since Justin stole all the cool news for the day, I'm here to fill you in on the less important stuff that's going on in Hollywood. Props to Holly Wood for a few links here and there...

The award for It Girl of the Moment goes to Katie Holmes. Katie is on the cover of pretty much every magazine in existence nowadays...and I don't just mean the tabloids. No Hollywood couple is complete without a strange cult religion, so I'm thankful for scientology...which will ruin her career. See her photoshoot for Esquire and You.

Jessica Simpson comes in second place as this moment's "it" girl. Dukes of Hazzard looks terrible, and I refuse to see it. Obviously I will be seeing Herbie: Fully Loaded that weekend and crying over the death of Lindsay's luscious red locks. Whatever, for those of you who care, here is the stupid trailer for Dukes of Hazzard...oh yeah, and here is the unnecessarily sexy video for the worst cover song ever. Jessica was better when she was a virgin. That's a lesson ladies.

Speaking of virgins, how about The 40 Year Old Virgin? Brought to you by some people from Freaks and Geeks and that guy who was in Anchorman and Sleepover, the trailer isn't very promising.

I nearly forgot! Third place for It Girl of the Moment is none other than Mrs. Lohan. Don't I mean Ms. Lohan? No. And No. Lindsay Lohan didn't get married and keep her last name. I mean her mom. Dina Lohan is rumored to be appearing in Playboy before her daughter. Normally, I'd make a "Rumors" joke here, but I'm assuming you're probably tired of hearing that she's tired of rumors starting.

Paris Hilton is apparently retiring in two years...from what? Being an heiress? While we're at it, let's talk about the un-edited version of her Carl Jr's ad. Thank God for make-up artists!

Mimi was emancipated!...again. Mariah Carey's The Emancipation of Mimi rose back to the number one spot on the Billboard charts, knocking suckalicious Audioslave out of the number one spot.

Field reporter Amy Rosen, my future flatmate, reports to us that the age of lighters at concerts is OVER. At Z100's latest concert, not only did she see Gwen Stefani dance in a diaper-like get-up with her Harajuku Girls, but she also witnessed a DJ screaming "Everyone put your lighters up!" This demand was met by minor wooting and nearly no lighters. The DJ responded with, "I guess no one has any lighters...let me see cell phones up in the air." The reply was a sea of tween's cell phones.

Britney Spears isn't having a good time lately thanks to a fetus inside of her and a sucky reality show outside of her control. Luckily, she might be able to win us back over with her new music video. Don't forget to tune in for this week's installment of Chaotic!

NOOOOOOOO! Rilo Kiley is going on tour with Coldplay. I think I'm going to cry.

In other disappointing career move news, Bill Murray is set to do the voice of Garfield...again. Can't he take a hint from Katie Holmes and reclaim his virginity, date a hot Hollywood hunk, and star in one of the summer's biggest movies?

Apparently Ol Dirty Bastard auditioned to be Mr. Ed on the Fox remake. Someone claims that they found Mr. Bastard's audition tape. I don't know if I believe it, but it is still damn funny.


If you hate those iPod commercials as much as everyone else in the world, you might enjoy this video. I'm sure all the goons out there have already seen this.

If you can't get enough of people hungry for their 15 seconds of internet fame, this guy is willing to do a crazy dance for you on a consistent basis. Songs include...every song you never wanted to hear again. Check out dailydancer.

Hey, remember lite-brite? Now you can do it on the internet, which is awesome since you don't have to worry about losing the pieces.

Need to fill more of the boring summer hours? How about this site? It is especially designed for people who hate that stupid frog ringtone.


Going through Postal Service withdrawal? This cover song by Styrofoam may help out...
Styrofoam- I Found Love

Shoutout to Justin and Becky in the ATL!
Field Mob f/ Ludacris- Georgia

This group is apparently the new Death Cab for Cutie...
Youth Group- Skeleton Jars

Jay-Z may claim that he retired, but I guarantee he's just going to pop up on everyone's songs...kind of like this.
Kanye West f/ Jay-Z- Diamonds are Forever (remix)

This band...
Rilo Kiley- Accidntel Death
Rilo Kiley- Portions of Foxes
...should not be touring with this band.
Coldplay- Fix You

To leave you on a good note, here's my favorite M.I.A. song.
M.I.A.- 10 Dollar

Ironic pop cover of the moment...
Snow Patrol- Crazy in Love (Beyonce cover in wake of Destiny's Child split)

I've seen WNBA teams with more game than that,
Joe John


Justin said...

Last night I watched the E! THS: Lindsay Lohan, and her mom is kinda hott...despite the blond hair/brown eyebrows.

PS I now have a fat man in a skimpy one-piece burned into my retinas. Thanks!

michelle said...

Just browsing through..I must say I'm loving your blog. Its a fun read..Keep it coming..

mell said...

ooh you guys are getting fans beyond me--dats cool. The ipod video was kinda funny...but it had SO much potential to be amazing! I wish the guy had actually done...well...breakdancing. Nobody in the store even stared at him. Though my attention span is so short that i didn't watch the end. The best part was when he dropped his ipod.

phew, my cable is back.