14 May 2005

Marriages Galore!

I've made it safely to Atlanta, where I'll be field-reporting for Totes all summer long. I should go rapper-hunting at the clubs one night. That'd be fun, and hopefully I won't get shot.

So it seems that love is in the air, y'all. I have three marriages to cover, and only one of them doesn't make me want to start cutting my inner thighs. I'll let you guess which one.

First we have Seal and Heidi Klum, who married on a beach Tuesday in Mexico. "But he has all those scars, and she's so hott!" I know, I know.

Next up: Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney, a country singer(?), tied the knot in the Caribbean. Kenny was barefoot. I wanted to get married barefoot, but I guess it's cliché now that everyone on CMT's doing it. Maybe I could get married barefoot in the Bronx. I bet no one's done that (and survived).

Lastly, Jason Priestley is probably getting married as I type this to Naomi Lowde. This was his second engagement to a make-up artist, showing that Jason knows how to M.A.C. it. (sorry. I hate puns too.)

Ok. Enough of that.

Can you not get enough of Riding the Bus with My Sister? Shame on you. Anyway, there's a summary of it up on TWoP. Read it, but I warn you: you may pee yourself.

Tara Reid could get to party for money! If a whore has sex for money, what does that make her? Hmm... Whatever. She'll probs pop-out like every 'sode, so her boobs are bound to win an Emmy or something.

Gosh, you're such a playlistist.

Playing cards is lame. That's right I said it. But playing War with iPods? Not so lame. However, Wesleyan students, we'll have to add a 10th rule: pretentious indie-rocker's can't play. Oh, and emo always wins. ALWAYS

I'm not going to believe that Ciara's a woman until I impregnate her, but here's the remix of her new single "Oh!": "Oh (Cadence Weapon Remix)" -Ciara I guess it could be worse. Right?

Last night I watched Paris Hilton die on the big screen,

1 comment:

Montmartre Perling said...

that death scene f-ing ruled. except when they VIDEOTAPED IT! Like Chad is going to get a rude awakening when he watches that tape. That'll teach him not to steal. The moral of the story is: don't steal your dead friend's property from the Popo or you'll have to watch shoddy camerawork of Paris' dead body.