15 April 2005

Michael, Mischa, and Austin rode the Acela together, while Paris, Natalie, and Bo— having just seen Star Wars III— got some KFC and listened to Fiddy.

You know Boccaccio's Decameron? Come on, it's the Medieval tale of people who are running from the plague. They tell each other stories à la The Canterbury Tales. No? Still doesn't ring a bell, you uncultured swine? Well, they're making it into a movie, and Mischa Barton's gonna be in it. I hear that if it doesn't do well, they'll rerelease it with her making out with girls.

I've always wanted to ride one of the Acela trains. They seem so European. I mean, it saves like 15 minutes on the trip between New York and D.C. and only costs $1500 for steerage. Me+AmTrak=babies. Oh, but read the fine print. Brakes cost extra.

Most people take out a loan to pay off huge legal fees. Not Michael Jackson. He's selling his half of The Beatles' catalogue. Nice. Now Sony/ATV will own the whole thing, and we'll never see it on iTunes. Damn you, Jacko! I don't know what you ever saw in The Beatles anyway. They're way too old for you.

Didn't think you'd need to hit up TicketMaster to see Star Wars III, did ya? Actually, you still won't have to, but you can preorder your tickets through AMC. And if you do this, don't tell me. I will give you a wedgie.

Austin Scarlett
I miss you, Austin

There will never be another Austin, but Project Runway 2 parties must be had nonetheless. The big question now is: when will the show debut? RealityTVWorld.com tries to give some answers. But they don't. However, if you're a fashion designer in the LA, Houston (Does fashion even exist is Texas?), NY, or Miami areas, check out the casting call dates!

50 Cent has been shot 9 times, and loves to show off that he can count that high. England isn't amused.

Paris Hilton thinks Nicole Richie is moldy and boring. That's why she's outie for The Simple Life 4: Maui. Who could ever match Nicole's stellar vixen abilities? Why Rod Stewart's lil' girl Kimberly, of course. Addressing questions about Nicole's departure, Lachlan Murdoch News Corporation’s Deputy Chief Operating Officer said, "We at Fox feel like what America wants are less 'ethnics' and more rich white girls.*" I couldn't agree with you more, Lauchy. Well said.

One of my sources recently informed me that Bo Bice, the bestest American Idoler ever, is engaged! And it's a shotgun...engagement. Premarital sex is the new "I'm saving myself for Jesus."

I'm pissed. Natalie Portman, the woman of my dreams is shaving her head for V For Vendetta. Great. Now the woman of my dreams is going to look like a British man.

Eat at KFC? Dorothy "Pussycat" Petrillo Zbornak Hollingsworth (no joke. that's her character's name.) from The Golden Girls hates you. Whatevs. All I ever get there are the pudding cups, which are chicken-free....I think.

I broke muh shoe,

*J/K. Don't sue my ass, News Corp. You scare me.


Joe John said...

The main ingredient is cruelty.


nat Webb said...

Poor chickens. That made me very sad. Also sort of hungry.

lola d.s. said...

holy fucking shit V for vendetta that's fucking awesome yes