It's Like This, Y'all

Well, Mimi was emancipated this morning. No, the fat woman from Drew Carey wasn't released from prison; Mariah released her new album, and I hear that it doesn't suck as much as Glitter or Charmbracelet. But I won't say anymore. I think I'll leave this one up to Joe John...because I honestly couldn't care less.

Get pumped, guys, because the Backstreet Boys' new video is element themed (and thus not at all cliché). Director Joseph Kahn commented, "The approach was for me to get out of the way of the Backstreet Boys and their audience and simplify the video down to the bare bones so [that it would be] a love letter to their fans." I don't get it. Since when does "bare bones"=love letter? I thought it meant we-aren't-going-to-pump-any-money-into-this-washed-up-90s-boy-band. Silly me.

Wait. This is fat?

It seems like Mandy Moore's been hitting up the candy jar a little too often. Is a size 8 really that fat? Women's sizes don't make sense to me. At least ours are in inches.

So everyone's always joking about how Mel Gibson should make a sequel to The Passion of the Christ. Hasn't anyone ever heard the old proverb "be careful what you joke about, because it might come true?" Just look what you've done! If he makes one more after this, he could create the Holy Men Who Die At The End Of The Film To No One's Surprise Trilogy.

There goes the neighborhood! Yup, Wisteria Lane is about to get its token black family. Alfre Woodard, of the blockbuster smash Beauty Shop, will join Desperate Housewives at the end of this season. Oh, by the way, she's a single mom...just like all black women! Let's see here. We've got the O.C.D. and crazy white women, the over-sexed Latina, the gay son...now all this show needs is a witty Jewish family and an Asian woman to move in and open a Sally Beauty. Then it'll be just like the real world.

Remember, kids, a cookie is a sometimes food,
Justin