Because of the new food pyramid, Hollywood only eats Kentucky Fried Chicken...and Enron!

Wow, a documentary about Enron?! Thanks, but I have to wash my hair...and clip my toenails. "The film's most climactic moments involve the chilling audiotapes of avaricious Enron traders as they toy with California's energy crisis, wringing millions in profits from the misfortune of an entire state." Maybe I'd go see it if the "chilling audiotapes" were CGIed into "flesh-eating chilling audiotapes." Some tities would be nice too.

Paris and Nicole are no longer friends. In other news, Paris says that Nicole is "not invited to my birthday party anymore."

Last time I went to the Meriden mall I was seriously scared for my life. There were about 300 chain-clad goth tweens congregating outside of HotTopic. I was converted to Satanism just by walking past them... Not to mention the 12 year old who flashed me a gang-sign in the food court. Thank J.C. that malls are finally doing something about these rowdy, Satanic, pre-teen gang members.

This looks like a pile of trash.

Who's seen the new food pyramid? Personally, I think it looks pretty gay. No seriously, it's a rainbow triangle. And why are the divisions vertical? Don't they know that gravity's a bitch? Now it just looks like a gay pile of trash. Though it is kinda neat that you can personalize it. Too bad it says that I should eat 3 1/2 cups of dry beans & peas weekly. Gross.

Eww. Hilary and Haylie Duff are doing a movie together. Supposedly it's going to be a hybrid of Napoleon Dynamite and Cinderella Story. Kidding, but it is going to be a riches-to-rags comedy. Just what we need, an anti-American Dream flick. That's so PoMo! Oh, and by the way, it's liquid, you ass-hats.

Mariah claims that she can't stand being around cigarette smokers, but those who indulge in the ganja don't bother her vocal cords at all. Right, Mimi.

KFC is becoming Kentucky Fried Chicken....again. Ugh. They're going to have to buy so many vowels. Anyway, I guess Colonel Sanders is finally fed up with being asked "Did the government make you change your name to KFC, because you don't use real chicken?"

I'm still waiting for confirmation as to whether or not Bennifer 2.0 is engaged. My guess is that Ben Affleck proposed, but before she commits Jennifer Garner is waiting for him to swear that he'll wax his back hair.

This new pope was totally a waste of white smoke,
Justin