19 April 2005

Back by Papal Decree...

Since TotesUmbrellas is probably your only news source, I thought you should know that there's a new Pope (yah, the other dude kicked the bucket a couple weeks ago). His name's like Pope Eggs Benedict XLIIDCVDP or something. Whatevs. Not important.

Speaking of the news, how sad is it that NYTimes.com received a record number of hits in March because of the Terry Shiavo case? She's the new gay marriage, obvi.

I guess Broke Social Scene thinks putting out two albums a year is for pussies, because by this time next year they will have released three new disks. 'We accumulated over 200 minutes of music,' Drew told Pitchfork yesterday, 'and we're trying to figure out what to do with it all.' ...How about donating it to charity?

Since we Americans "don't know how to have a good time," Paul McCartney is going to reeducate us when he begins a 28-date tour on September 16th. Cool. We just got dissed by a 62 year old Brit.

Phewph. At least God is still stronger than American Idol.

Katie Holmes
I hate people.

Aww, Katie Holmes and I are like totes the same person! We both like to sit at home and avoid people. It's a good thing too, because after all the shitty movies that she's put us through, 1/2 of America would try to drown her in Dawson's Creek if she left the house.

Even after Harriet Tubman and Abe Lincoln helped emancipated her, Mimi still hates her ex. Regarding seeing him recently at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, she said it was "just weird." Translated into Wespeak: "it was awkward."

What has become of the world?! Old Navy is selling flip-flops for 20 bucks! Oh, capitalism, you always get the best of us.

We've all been there: waking up in the mid-afternoon to a hovering mother and having to exaplin, "But, Mom, I didn't mean to puke all over your Laura Ashley curtains. I had no idea how much I drank." Obviously, Dr. White is right. We do need serving-size information on our liquor. That'll curb teen binge drinking once and for all!

New Music Tuesday!

I won't name names, but Joe John hates Matchbox Twenty. However, I don't and neither should you. This is why you should buy Something to Be, Rob Thomas' solo album. Yah there are revolving urinals in the "Lonely No More" video. Get over it.

Ok, Kelly Osbourne, you've become strangely hott recently, and the 80s synth sound on your album is pretty cool... too bad your voice ruins it. Sorry.

Eww. Russell Crowe sounds like that dude from Creed!

So I guess "artista invitado" means "featuring" in Spanish. That's neat. But Alejandro Sanz was not a good artista to invitado, Shakira.

iTunes SparkNotes:
Something to Be -Rob Thomas
"Under Pressue" -The Used/My Chemical Romance (shut up! I know this one's from last week. But it rocks my socks off, and Mariah monopolized last Tuesday. The stupid ho.)
"90s One Hit Wonders" -iTunes Essentials

Don't Get:
One World EP -Kelly Osbourne
"Raewyn" (Single) -Russell Crowe
"La Tortura (artista invitado Alejandro Sanz)" -Shakira

And that is how Regina George died,


notjesslane said...

ew gross no, rob thomas and russell crowe are the same sucky dude in my mind, who both suck. also where it said "Alejandro Sanz" or whatever in this post, i thought it said "Asher Schranz" at first quick schroll. school humor! HAHAHAHAHAH i hate the internet.

mell said...

Have you seen Kelly Osbourne's new video? It's so effing boring. Or rather, have you seen the making the video for it? When she explains the concept?
Director: "Its french film noir. Kelly is a detective trying to expose a prostitution ring."
Kelly: "It's like she's fighting for women's rights!"
While running around with her two male escorts down a hallway over and over and over. and over. and giving a prostitute a ping pong ball. jeez.