29 March 2005

My First Time

Well, guys, this is it: my first gossip blog entry... I’ve only been training for this since 1994 when my family got AOL. Hopefully, I’ll be able to keep up the high standards we have here at Totes Umbrellas. Let the slander begin...

Everyone take cover, because Omerosa’s back! That’s right, the queen bitch of Apprentice fame is fitted to appear on VH1’s Surreal Life 5. Unfortunately, Kathy Griffin will not play cabbie this season. I guess it’s out with the old bi-otch and in with the new.

Rev. Jesse Jackson
Are his eyes swelling shut?

So Rev. Jesse Jackson has jumped on the Terri Shaivo band wagon saying, “a consistent moral and ethical position would extend a feeding tube to all who are confronted with starvation.” I hope he’s speaking metaphorically, because ending world hunger via feeding tubes just doesn’t sound too sexy. Personally, I’m with Mr. Shaivo on this one. I mean, the cause of her coma was bulimia, and feeding tubes go straight to your hips.

Much to every gay man’s dismay, Tom Cruise’s latest arm candy vouches for his straightness. “Tom is in a full-fledged, sexual relationship with the most irresistible woman in the world — me!” said Sofia Vergara. Hmm…I wonder who has the bigger head, Tom or Sofia.

Usher’s hooking up with Madame Tussaud! Eww…not in that way. She died in 1850, sickos! No, Usher and Madame Tussaud’s New York have agreed to immortalize the star (abs and all) in wax. The exhibit actually sounds pretty boring. Why do they even try? Nothing can beat Disney’s Hall of Presidents now that they’ve added Dubya.

Well, it’s new music Tuesday at iTunes. Let’s see what’s going on:

Will Smith released his new album, Lost And Found, which includes the single: “Switch” (and the remix!!). I wonder if it’s coincidence that “switch” rhymes with “Hitch.” Whatever, it doesn’t matter, because after that movie The Fresh Prince has less street cred than I do.

Everyone needs to download The Bravery’s self titled album. I don’t really understand what Rolling Stone means when it refers to their music as “synth-heavy goth pop,” but I do know that this album rocks my world. By the way, RS, you were a bit stingy with the stars on this one.

For all of you who hate reading, here’s this week’s iTunes SparkNotes:
The Bravery -The Bravery
“Better Off Dead” –Death from Above 1979

Don’t Get:
Lost And Found -Will Smith
“iTunes Bundle: System of a Down”

For Gold, God, and Pop Culture,


Nat Webb said...

It's worth noting that I have been informed by certain contacts that O-Zone's "Dragostea din Tei" is pretty much the #1 jam at Middlebury.

Joe John said...

Um, what was Snoop Dogg thinking when he agreed to do a song with Will Smith. My review: the production on every song sounds all too similar.

Anonymous said...

nat webb, it's been all the rage at haverford since before winter break... that's how i knew about it, manu's brother showed him who showed me. some shit like that. -this is jenny btw