31 March 2005

I hate to be a blog-hog but...

Today's jams needed to be heard.

You may remember the most hilarious band name "I Hate You When You're Pregnant" from a previous entry...Well, today I bring you the best song name. Not only that, but I kind of like the song. It's a very chill, laid back jam. It kind of makes me want to make out despite the subject matter.
The Constellations- Let's Face it, Our Kids are Stupid

This is some British guy's new favorite band.
The Cribs- You Were Always the One
The Cribs- Another Number

Spoon isn't necessarily my favorite...but the tracks are here and I'm sharing them...because I'm such a good friend. (Mean Girls reference...can't f-ing wait for the party)
Spoon- The Delicate Place
Spoon- I Turn My Camera On
Gimme Fiction doesn't drop for a while...but until then we can always hear Spoon on The O.C.

This my ::holds index finger to mouth and dances with Japanese schoolgirls::,
Double J

Wow, I feel like I'm slacking today, so I'll add my two cents:

It's official! The Killers and The Bravery are now in an old fashioned rapper fight. Dirty South, what!!! Ok, so there won't be any caps popped, but The Bravery strikes back!

And I've got some more HP news for you Potter-heads. Apparently Scholastic feels the need to go all out with the advertising for Book 6. Their "100 Days Until Harry" campaign is slated to start April 7th. Can't wait a week? Well, The Leaky Cauldron has posted the artwork that will appear on cardboard standups (I'd put it here, but it's pretty mondo).

There. Each one of those is worth a penny.

He was a great man.

"I opened this container of yogurt and underneath the lid it said please try again, because there was a contest I did not know about. But I thought I had opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe the yogurt company was trying to inspire me. Don't give up, friend, try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top." - Mitch Hedberg

For the HP fans...

New Hi-Res photos have been posted from Goblet of Fire. By new, I mean approximately 3 days old. Rita Skeeter is just how I imagined she'd be.

In honor of these photos, I present a non-album track from the amazing Harry and the Potters, who came to campus last semester and rocked every bit of the roof off Alpha Delt.
Harry and the Potters- The Wrath of Hermione

Also, HPANA.com reports that when picking up their copy of Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince "Fans will also receive lightning-bolt scars at midnight with their books." Does that scare anyone else?

Pimp my practically-divorced Hollywood goddess

Xzibit may be an actor these days, but despite his co-star role, he had nothing to do with breaking up Jen and Brad. I quote...

"I had nothing to do with it, I like 'em a little thicker."

"Galang" is playing at my house, myyyy house

Finally, a sequel to Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo! Now, I have the highest tolerance on the planet for shitty sequels (I stand by American Wedding, Cruel Intentions 2, and the Clueless television series), but this is even beyond me. Prediction: absolutely, without question, the worst movie since, uh, the first Deuce Bigalow.

I propose a European Gigolo / Armed and Fabulous double feature, immediately. Watch your mailboxes for an invitation to the Totes Umbrellas red carpet premeire at Desinta.

Couldn't Suge Knight get out of this one by dangling her from a balcony, Vanilla Ice style?

In music news people actually care about, LCD Soundsystem and M.I.A. are going on tour!! It's like a B2 dance party, but with more assymmetrical haircuts. Let's go to the Webster and get ourselves on The Cobra Snake, shall we?

Yesterday's studio art senior theses opening = such a scene. Stop by Zilkha if you get a chance this week, and be there next Wednesday and the Wednesday after that at 4pm for free food and fashion tips, plus some new art no one really pays attention to.

Kevin Costner was spotted on campus yesterday looking very important in all black and a black coat, strolling with his new wife who looks a heck of a lot like his daughter. Oops. Other sighting stories?

On a semi-related-to-Wesleyan tip, Cloeburner will be opening for a personal favorite of mine, the ever-adorable Of Montreal in Williamsburg (Virginia, not Brooklyn) next weekend. Umbrellas readers may remember Cloeburner's illustrious keyboardster, Dr. Bruce Digital, from his appearance at the South Carolina Spring Break '05 Lakehouse. Improv noise rock and Elephant 6, together at last!

See you on the hill, bitches,

30 March 2005

This Shit Is Bananas!!

Since I just returned home from a glorious screening of Ice Princess, I'll start there: It seems that little miss Trachtenberg owes Sarah Michelle Gellar a vital organ, and her new movie's gonna have some good ole cousin lovin'!

Speaking of Ice Princess, Kristen "Jumping Shrimp" Olson, who plays Nikki in the film, was born in the 90s yet plays a high school senior. Now, I know that the entire cast of The O.C. (save Mischa) is geriatric, but since when has Hollywood gone the other way? Pretty soon Dakota Fanning's going to be staring in Little Red Riding Hood....as the grandmother.

Here's another beef I have with Hollywood: they always make two of the same movie. Armageddon and Deep Impact, anyone? Well, they're doing it again, and this time it's with Oscar Wilde...kinda. Who will be the better Dorian? My bet's on David Gallagher. Not only did his stint with 7th Heaven get him in with J.C., but just look what it did for Ashlee's career. She's like totes a star now, obvi. Ryan Philippe's got nothing.

Star Mag Cover
A bun in the oven or just too many buns?

Well, if Britney's recent scathing letter to Star Magazine is any indication, it's mean and insensitive to ask if someone's preggo. Especially if she's just fat. But enough with the fat jokes. I think it's really sweet of Brit to pack on the pounds. She's only making Kevin Federline, who's used to sexing women with junk in the trunk, feel more comfortable.

People are saying that Sin City's going to be up to its ears in blood (and in three colors nonetheless!). Is that such a horrible thing? I mean, as long as Brittany Murphy gets stabbed or something it's totally worth it. I hate that bitch, and I'll never forgive her for stealing two hours of my life with Uptown Girls.

Last night's American Idol theme? The 90s. I wonder if Ryan Seacrest had trouble making horribly unfunny comments, seeing as he wasn't even born until '94. And, Jessica, singing LeAnn Rimes is not the way to win America's heart...it's how to make our ears bleed.

And now for some media immersion:

Would you walk uphill both ways in the snow to see a Death From Above 1979 show, but don't want to shell out 25 bucks for the UK import? Get the UK bonus tracks here.

"It's all good under the hood" when Lindsay Lohan stars in "Herbie: Fully Loaded." Catch the trailer here. I think Herbie's the first stick Lindsay can't control just by giving googly-eyes

Gosh, this shit is bananas! Gwen's new video's out! But you'll have to right click and hit "save," b/c this link's Serious-ly wack.

Almost Famous

The Mean Girls party has been postponed to the weekend after this one, before Wesfest. The crew thinks we need more time to plan. I'm not going to spoil all the details, despite the extreme desire to do so...but there WILL be a burn book.

So, rumor has it that Wesleyan student Leon Hilton auditioned for the role of Damien (too gay to function) in Mean Girls. Obvi, he didn't get the part.

On the subject of Mean Girls, I watched it last night. I was reminded of an interview in which the producers said that they almost didn't cast Lizzy Caplan as Janis Ian because she's too pretty. This is a picture of her from the premiere. DRASTIC hair and make-up changes for her character.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I also heard that Wesleyan student Kingston Wong of New Group fame auditioned for American Idol. I know I would have voted for him...

Porn and frats don't mix. Phi Kappa Tau members at California State University learned this the hard way. No pun intended. No, seriously...that was not intended.

Kanye West to rap about burgers? We'll see. I mean, that will make him a Big Mac Daddy. ::facepalm:: Now that was an intentionally bad pun.

Avril Lavigne thinks all Asians are the same.

Can anyone explain to me why this band is featured on Fred Durst's label? I mean, I can't say they're brilliant but they're nowhere near Limp Bizkit-esque terrible. BTW...did you see his penis? I did. I quickly regretted clicking that link.

This isn't exactly THE latest news, but Brandon Flowers of The Killers is being sued by their ex-drummer who claims that he actually wrote "Mr. Brightside". Mr. Flowers also doesn't really think much of The Bravery. I mean, he talked a lot of smack about them at the end of this article. I'm sure they cried...a lot.

MP3 Time!

Speaking of The Killers, here is an unreleased demo...
The Killers- Replaceable

How British can you get???
The Streets f/ The Futureheads- Fit But Don't You Know It (Futureheads version)

This song is brilliance. Best thing I've heard since "Miracle Drug"...in no way better though.
Maximo Park- The Night I Lost My Head

29 March 2005


So, I'm just going to bring you a few cover song MP3s...Listen to these for various reasons going from A for awesome to I for irony. I'll let you all decide which you consider these following songs to be.

Big thanks to Copy, Right?

Jennifer Love Hewitt- Dancing with Myself (obvi, a cover)
Pastel Vespa- Teenage Dirtbag (Wheatus cover)
All Saints- Under the Bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers cover)
Mr. Big- Wild World (Cat Power cover)
Scala Choir- She Hates Me (Puddle of Mudd cover)<---DOWNLOAD THIS RIGHT NOW!

And in case you missed it, you know...since I only posted it four entries ago...

Ted Leo- Since U Been Gone/Maps (Kelly Clarkson/Yeah Yeah Yeahs cover)

My First Time

Well, guys, this is it: my first gossip blog entry... I’ve only been training for this since 1994 when my family got AOL. Hopefully, I’ll be able to keep up the high standards we have here at Totes Umbrellas. Let the slander begin...

Everyone take cover, because Omerosa’s back! That’s right, the queen bitch of Apprentice fame is fitted to appear on VH1’s Surreal Life 5. Unfortunately, Kathy Griffin will not play cabbie this season. I guess it’s out with the old bi-otch and in with the new.

Rev. Jesse Jackson
Are his eyes swelling shut?

So Rev. Jesse Jackson has jumped on the Terri Shaivo band wagon saying, “a consistent moral and ethical position would extend a feeding tube to all who are confronted with starvation.” I hope he’s speaking metaphorically, because ending world hunger via feeding tubes just doesn’t sound too sexy. Personally, I’m with Mr. Shaivo on this one. I mean, the cause of her coma was bulimia, and feeding tubes go straight to your hips.

Much to every gay man’s dismay, Tom Cruise’s latest arm candy vouches for his straightness. “Tom is in a full-fledged, sexual relationship with the most irresistible woman in the world — me!” said Sofia Vergara. Hmm…I wonder who has the bigger head, Tom or Sofia.

Usher’s hooking up with Madame Tussaud! Eww…not in that way. She died in 1850, sickos! No, Usher and Madame Tussaud’s New York have agreed to immortalize the star (abs and all) in wax. The exhibit actually sounds pretty boring. Why do they even try? Nothing can beat Disney’s Hall of Presidents now that they’ve added Dubya.

Well, it’s new music Tuesday at iTunes. Let’s see what’s going on:

Will Smith released his new album, Lost And Found, which includes the single: “Switch” (and the remix!!). I wonder if it’s coincidence that “switch” rhymes with “Hitch.” Whatever, it doesn’t matter, because after that movie The Fresh Prince has less street cred than I do.

Everyone needs to download The Bravery’s self titled album. I don’t really understand what Rolling Stone means when it refers to their music as “synth-heavy goth pop,” but I do know that this album rocks my world. By the way, RS, you were a bit stingy with the stars on this one.

For all of you who hate reading, here’s this week’s iTunes SparkNotes:
The Bravery -The Bravery
“Better Off Dead” –Death from Above 1979

Don’t Get:
Lost And Found -Will Smith
“iTunes Bundle: System of a Down”

For Gold, God, and Pop Culture,

Professor Buzz

Congrats to everyone's favorite spunky, profane labor sociologist, Prof. Jonathan Cutler, who found out during class today that he'd won this year's Binswanger Award for Excellence in Teaching. Coincidentally, he'd also recently won the award I give out in my brain for biggest possible friend crush on a professor. In the words of a fellow American Studies/Sociology double major (the few, the proud, the completely academically worthless), "I'm not a soc major. I'm a Jonathan Cutler major." Holler back, City University of New York.

I picked up the new Wesleyan Magazine today, with not ONE but THREE hilariously awkward pictures of Scott "I'm the popular one" Higgins, Jacob "Sight and Sound turns you into a douche" Bricca, Lisa "The Ice Queen" Dombrowski and Jeanine "Great and Powerful Oz" Basinger. The story also features a picture of the faculty having a very posed conversation with the film board. Finally, every parent and alum on the planet can see the new facility AND Max's two-tone glasses.

This week's Ampersand features more off-color jokes than ever before, and maybe the funniest thing written by Nat Webb, or anyone, ever. Bring on the Wespeaks, motherfuckers.


p.s. Just kidding about the douche thing. Mostly.

28 March 2005

Flushing, Queens, home of: the Nanny, the Barlow family

Film major, misanthrope and all-around bundle of joy Russell Barlow may be the best dancer on campus, but did you know he's got two OLDER and (believe it) MORE TALENTED brothers? Become Russell's friend now, before he becomes rich by association and leaves us all in the dust. Plus he's building his own theramin, so it looks like there's no stopping him. New stizz from the Barlow family:

Andrew Barlow wrote a book, and David Cross likes it, and The Onion likes it, and some dude who writes books for McSweeney's likes it, and if you dare disagree with them I'm pretty sure you get kicked out of college. Check out A Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man. High-concept satire writing and a rousing game of the dozens (my two favorite things), together at last.

Russell's other brother, Greg, majored in music at Wesleyan, so you're doubly-required to listen to his mp3s at zxnyc.com. He lives in Brooklyn and he's played with the Black Dice, so get on it, white belts. "No Complaining" has been my wake-up jam 3 days running.

Also, I know it's a little early, but here's some stuff to get excited about:

-World Inferno this Friday at Alpha Delt, courtesy of the lovely Lola, who assures me they will rock you real hard.
-RJD2 plays Psi U Thursday, April 7th. Sold out, so kill someone with tickets.
-Animal Collective at Eclectic April 21. I have to miss it, so stand around looking extra disaffected for me.
-Jonathan Demme (of Stop Making Sense [!!!] fame) is this year's WesFest film speaker. He'll be screening Silence of the Lambs. TRANSFORM THE CINEMA! And speaking of camping out in line at the film center...
-SENIOR THESES are screening May 5-8th. Digitals Thursday and Saturday, 16mms Friday and Sunday. Just clear your weekend schedule. I saw a cut of the mockumentary I worked on this weekend, and it was a 20th birthday well-spent shooting in a lundromat, let me tell you.
-Deerhoof: officially the not-quite-headlining Spring Fling band. I can't even dance to "Panda Panda Panda" when I'm not drunk. Still, we whined and whined about getting a good rock band to play Spring Fling and finally we get one, so no complaints. Last time I saw them they were great and I got to stand next to Guy Picciotto, so that bodes well for a lovely day no one will remember.

In other news, looks like the Fiery Furnaces have fallen through, but still no word on Joanna Newsom. Let's keep our fingers crossed, for real. Saaaa-diiiee!

I'm tired of RUMORS starting...but rumor has it that there might be a Mean Girls themed party next weekend. There will be a burn book with people's facebook pictures printed out...and I will wear army pants and flip flops.

Ashlee Simpson
to go 80s on next album. I know I'm excited.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
"I've been really into '80s music, and hopefully my next album will have that feel to it. I'm really excited to write my new record."
The funny thing is...that's the GOOD news. Ashlee is also set to star in her debut big screen film, "Undiscovered". The movie was once known as "Wannabe" but the name has been changed to match the theme of the movie...Ashlee's song from Autobiography called "Undiscovered" (obvi). Clearly, they failed in getting her to cover the Spice Girls. Ashlee Simpson's version of "Wannabe" wouldn't have been the new "Hey Ya!"...it would be far superior. GOD, it'd make me want to La La.

Avril Lavigne is SO considerate! She'll play the songs she hates for her fans. That's just so admirable. I mean, I'm glad you're willing to go through this for us, but why do you gotta go and make things so complicated?

5o Cent is, like, the new The Beatles.
That's right, I said it. 50 Cent has had four singles in the Billboard top ten single charts- "Candy Shop", "Disco Inferno", and The Game's "How We Do" and "Hate it or Love it". The last group to achieve this feat was The Beatles in 1964. 5o Cent is The Beatles of our generation! Our children will listen to 50 Cent in college. SCARY.

Dude. Backstreet's Back, alright? The Backstreet Boys have released their first new single "Incomplete". Listen here. Mmm...smell that? It's the scent of grown up boy band boys trying to make quality music...and failing greatly. They call it a boy band for a reason guys...because "man band" just sounds funny.

Usher is hilarious. Listen to this song. The lyrics are so deep. I totes bought it on iTunes. If you want me to burn you a copy, "holler at me yall".

Pink is the New Blog had the scoop. Paris Hilton's new pup is a boy...and his name is Bambi. AW!

Right click and hit "save link as"

Bloc Party
is pretty sweet. I'm not gonna lie...I've given into the hype. Rolling Stone told us to watch out for them, and I'm watching! Well, listening.
Bloc Party- Banquet (Phones Disco Remix)
Bloc Party- This Modern Love
Bloc Party- So Here We Are Now
Bloc Party- Banquet
Bloc Party- Like Eating Glass
Hilary Duff LOVES Bloc Party. You should too.

Fuck. I just love Brendan Benson to no extent.
Brendan Benson- Alternative to Love

You need this in your ears NOW. It's been the rage for awhile on all the MP3 blogs...and now it will be the rage in your ears.
Ted Leo- Since U Been Gone/Maps

Speaking of hilarious covers...
The Kidz Bop Kids- Float On (Modest Mouse)
I backed my car into a cop car the other day...YEAH!

The Streets meets The Futureheads...those kids and their mash-ups! This is the best thing since Incubus did a rock remix of Big Pun's "Still Not a Player".
The Streets f/ The Futureheads- Fit But Don't You Know it

God, I hate French people. But I like this song.
Eileen- Ces Bottes sont Faites pour Marcher (These Boots are Made for Walking)
Disclaimer: I don't really hate French people at all.

While we're still on the subject of cover songs, this one's for the emo kids...
Bettie Serveert- Lover I Don't Have to Love (Bright Eyes cover)

This one is for the ladies...
Cash Money Millionaires- Feelin' on yo' booty (remix)

While we're on the subject of hip-hop. This is the ol' skool (but not really) jam of the year.
Nas f/ Ludacris and Doug E. Fresh- Virgo

A b-side from The Killers.
The Killers- Indie r'n'r

This song is pretty sweet. Fuck, it's opening up my skull and performing fellatio on my brain.
The Departure- All Mapped Out

Hey South Carolina spring breakers! Remember that stupid "Jiggly Beer" song from the lakehouse? Now you can listen to the whole song.
Beer Beer Beer

HEY!?! Wanna d/l cuts from Kanye's new album before it's released? Well, here are 9 jams from the new Kanye West album that leaked out. Courtest of benlovesmusic. I share this with you in faith that you will cop that shit for realzorz.
1. Gorgeous
2. Hey Mama
3. I Need to Know
4. Improvise
5. Livin' a Movie
6. Niggas Gossip
7. Out of Your Mind
8. Peace
9. War

Kanye's not the only person who's album has leaked...well, there's more controversy on this, but if you haven't secured your place in "I downloaded Fiona's music because they wouldn't release it" heaven. Do so now. This shit is CD quality. Fiona Apple's Extraordinary Machine folks...
1. Not About Love
2. Red, Red, Red
3. Get Him Back
4. Better Version of Me
5. Oh Well
6. Oh Sailor
7. Used to Love Him
8. Waltz
9. Window
10. Extraordinary Machine
11. Please Please Please
If those links don't work, go here.

I like this band. I haven't listened to them enough yet, so I might secretly hate them. But from what I heard, they're good. Download The Sun's Blame it on the Youth.
1. Must Be You
2. Say Goodbye
3. Justice
4. Romantic Death
5. 2B4
6. Lost At Home
7. Waiting On High
8. Rockstop
9. We Tried
10. Pavement Jive
11. These Heights
12. Taking the Lords Name in Vein
13. Lose Your Money
14. Valentine

Elkland's "Apart" is the new "Somebody Told Me".
Elkland- Apart

The Cloud Room...just listen bitches.
The Cloud Room- Hey Now Now
The Cloud Room- Waterfall

Once upon a time, Steve Aubrey was in this band...so he says.
The Harlem Shakes- Eighteen

The video for "We Will Become Silhouettes" is totes adorbs. If you didn't want to pay for the new b-side in the iTunes music store, listen here.
The Postal Service- Be Still My Heart

Fuck you, I love Bright Eyes. Conor Oberst is a god among men.
Bright Eyes- I Believe in Symmetry

A new "The" band to rock your iPod.
The Thermals- God and Country

This is the first cover of "Toxic" by Britney Spears that is remotely tolerable.
These Bones- Toxic

This is the best band name ever...I'm not even sure if I like the song.
I Hate You When You're Pregnant- Tanning Booth

This is a song about being paranoid about DRAGONS. I mean, Animal Planet had the SCOOP, DRAGONS ARE COMING.
Alan Astor- Dragons and Beasts

This song is most likely the best song ever that you could work out too. PUMP THIS ON YOUR POD AT FREEMAN. It will definitely beat J. Geils Band, which seems to be the only thing playing on the radio when I'm at Freeman. Damn, this song is so good.
Halicali- Girigiri Surf Rider (HALF-RIDER MIX)

I've been obsessed with this song FOREVER.
Jon Brion- I Believe She's Lying

HEY kids, remember that Romanian dance anthem of the year that was played at the last B2 dance party. Go here and download "Dragostea din tei" by O-Zone. Proceed to shit yourself at it's awesomeness.

That's all for today kids...This is the first entry so the sheer volume of music will be decreased in the next few entries.

Signing out,
The <3>

27 March 2005

I STILL want one

I'm NOT gonna lie kids. I still want an iPod hoodie. iPods are what makes this campus go 'round. Don't deny it.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
These are sickeningly cute.

"No, seriously, she was a slut."

Every once in a while around here, you'll hear a good what-they-were-like-in-high-school story. I'm not talking about every Hollywood prep school kid with a "one time Mary-Kate threw up in the bathroom at my post-prom" conversation starter. I mean the kind I just overheard while my roommate and her friend made dinner and chatted about Olivia Wilde. You may know her as Alex on the O.C. (until lesbian kissing lost its ratings novelty and Josh Schwartz decided to try salvaging an ounce of what he had last year by bringing Ryan and Marissa back together and constantly acknowledging last season's superiority in the most obnoxiously self-deprecating way imaginable).

Well, now you know her as someone whose real last name is Cockburn and liked to used her father's political immunity to drive wasted around D.C. at age 14. Thank god she doesn't just play a privileged, sexually liberated rebel on tv, she is one IN REAL LIFE. Keep it real, Cockburn.

I mean, I was in shitty high school plays too, but they never got me any closer to Adam Brody. Maybe I should have started out on a wildly successful Fox series like Skin.

Also thanks to everyone who came to the dance party last night, shit was nuts. Worth losing 50 bucks to see a roomful of highly-educated gentlemen and ladies go apeshit for "Flagpole Sitta"? Anytime. Plus I arrived this morning to clean up and someone was still asleep in the living room. Well done.

Bring it

Joe John's got the heart.
Katie's got the brains.
Justin's got Tivo.
We cannot be stopped.